Brontoforumus

A thread for weird shit happening.

I went to Best Buy this morning pretty close to opening and for some goddamn reason they were playing a Final Fantasy song over the loudspeakers. I don't remember which one but I want to say something from FF6 or 8.

Ha. My wife had an a capella station playing on Pandora and I walked into the room, cocked my head and said, "Honey...are they singing the theme from Skyrim?"

I purchased a couple of cards off eBay.

Turns out the seller was a friend of mine from back in Niagara whom I still have on Facebook.

This morning I got up and took the dog for a walk around the lake at the local park. There was a man there in a plastic canoe. She was transfixed; she did not want to follow me, she wanted to keep looking at this man who was out on the water.

That's not the weird part. I mean, it's not typical, but boats are pretty ordinary.

The strange part was when we got to the end of the walk and I was approaching the spot where we cross the street to go home.

There was a turtle next to the sidewalk.

I have never seen a turtle that far from the lake. Hell, I've never seen a turtle OUTSIDE that lake. I occasionally see them up on rocks, but that's it.

This one was all the way up out of the lake, through the grass, over a sidewalk, through more grass, over a hill, and almost to another sidewalk. If he walked that himself, it would have taken hours.

The dog was of course intrigued by this funny little animal and wanted to run toward him. I held the leash so she couldn't get close, but I noticed the turtle was trying to get away and didn't seem able to. His little legs were working but he was staying in place. It looked like he was stuck in the mud.

I could have left him there but it's supposed to be 104 out today. I figured if I didn't get him back to the lake, he was going to cook in his shell.

So I walked up and managed to hold my dog off with one hand while picking him up in the other. (Then she started jumping to try and get at my hand.) And I walked all the way back down, running interference with the dog the whole way, and finally left him on the ground next to the lake.

As soon as we started to walk away, he jumped right into the water.

I don't know why he was down by the street but I think he should be fine now. And probably not try that again.

Turkle rescue!

My Doctor referred me to a specialist for the knee trouble I've had for years.

On the referral form he put me down as "Mrs." [my name] and noted "35 y old F".

Oh and then on the second page he refers to my age as 33.

:thatlinkrolleyes:

Today at my great-niece(grand-niece?)'s 5th birthday party, a 15 year old relative on her dad's side announced, "I've always wondered what it would be like to slit a deer's throat and let it go".

When I told my niece about it, she said, "Oh, he's just a 15 year old boy, they're all like that."

Yeah, I would keep a wiiiiiiide berth away from that kid.

Kids most assuredly do NOT say things like that.

Well, okay, unless he was trolling. Then kids say shit like that yeah. But I wasn't there so I can't really speak of HOW it might've been said.

When I was that age, I was telling people in my class that I was planning to blow up the school.

...Okay, bad example.

COME WITH US TO THE MOON!

WHERE WE'LL BLOW UP THE EARTH!

When the time comes rest assured that the deer fucking deserved it.

Last week, an attractive woman rang my doorbell. When I answered and it turns out she expected someone who is Not Me instead, she was clearly shocked, though that mostly translated into being open-mouthed speechless, then smiling and laughing. She stared at her phone a moment, apologized for the intrusion, and left. This seemed to be a clear case of wrong address, and I thought nothing more of it.

This morning, another attractive woman rang my doorbell. She had about the same reaction as the other, but she managed to ask if "Richard" lived with me. Which he of course does not. It took some doing but I managed to convince her that my name is François and that I live alone, and she was on her way, confused.

So now I'm thinking it's a case of the world's most scatterbrained gigolo. Next time I'll go "how about a date? can't be worse than with the dim bulb who doesn't know his own address". What's the worst that can happen?

I think you're winning this thread so far.

What's the worst that can happen?

I show up

Ehh, the "Friday situation" is one of those events that I don't spend much time worrying about because if/when it does happen there isn't much I can do about it. Either I engage the denial mechanism and go on with my days, such as they are, or I live in constant paralyzing primal terror, you know? Heck, for all I understand about the nature of time, it has probably already happened.

Man I have to deal with Friday every week.

Oh I have wards in place. I've been living the same Thursday for fifteen years. I don't know how I managed to get away with it for so long; I suspect I'm being humored.

Nothing lasts forever, though.

Well, okay, almost nothing. No offense intended.

I had a mouthful of macaroni and cheese and I felt a sneeze coming on. So I started chewing faster so I wouldn't make a mess, but the sneeze came anyway. I was able to keep my mouth shut and

and a piece of macaroni came out my nose

I feel so violated.

In junior high I was eating spaghetti when my friend just went on a tirade about Spider-man. I started laughing and a long spaghetti noodle shot out my nose and was just dangling there. I started pulling and pulling to get it out.

Then I blew a tiny chunk of meatball out of my other nostril.

Sprite was the most unpleasant thing to shoot out of my nose for many many years, until I laughed too hard while eating kimchi.