So I know this was posted months ago but I just read it so:
Frankly, it's quite hard to find genuinely decent people.
Yeah, I think that's what makes this place special, (at least to me) while most of us have neurotic bullshit or even actual diagnosed mental problems, I've never found a collection of people anywhere else so decent on average.
Anyway, now I'll post what I came to this thread to.
So I debated posting this at all but I feel like I need a bunch of people posting 'that's rough buddy'
I should just keep people posted as to the basics of whats going on in my life.
Some of this I've talked about in #finalfight before, but I bet most of you here don't know anything, so here goes.
I've been in a long term relationship with a girl (Rachel) for some years now. She's younger than me (not horrifically so) and this was her first open lesbian relationship. She's from a very conservative family and when she came out, they acted predictably on the "being gay is a sin the bible tells me so" side.
Anyway, last Christmas she went to her family down south to spend it with them and I stayed behind so as to not "cause a stir". They attacked her and she was miserable the whole time and left early. She doesn't want to cut then off, so I insisted on going next year to be there for her and also maybe give them a little piece of my mind if they said anything too over the line.
So also going on at the same time is Rachel basically thinks that -I am the One- and I don't share the sentiment. She's great and I love her, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her. We've talked about this, openly, multiple times. When gay marriage became legal, she really wanted to do it, I told her I wasn't interested.
So we're at the wonderful place where one person wants to move forward and the other doesn't, but doesn't want to break up.
So this year I went with Rach to her family's house. I suspected she was going to do a big gesture of proposing to me in front of her family because of the way she's been dropping hints that she'll do exactly that.
I'm single now.
Knowing it was coming didn't blunt it at all! In fact, it probably just made it worse!
I spent about a week doing the whole crying into my pillow thing and now I'm mostly okay. Poor Rachel is far more destroyed than I am, she literally couldn't believe I turned her down. She had, of course, been hoping I'd change my mind if asked, despite me warning her specifically that I wouldn't and not to do that. I helped her a lot come to terms with her lesbianism, so she has me on this semi-pedestal (well, I assume not anymore) where I can do no wrong and will always be there for her.
I should have broken up with her six months ago. I just am a selfish bitch and didn't want to. I guess a part of me just didn't want to believe that she would go through with the proposal despite most of me seeing it coming.
Talking about this in strict rational, logical terms is really hard, because my feelings keep choking me up and I'm still in that stage where just typing "Rachel" makes me tear up.
tl:dr: SUBWAY GIRL IS BACK ON THE MENU BOYS
editor's note: Subway Girl is actually straight and moved to the Bay Area and even if she didn't was never on the menu