Shittier Days

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Lyrai
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Shittier Days

Postby Lyrai » Sun Jun 01, 2014 7:31 am

So, we didn't have a Shit Days thread. So I'll start it up.

At the advice of a friend, I'm dumping the events of the past few months into this board as a sense of release.

Shit. Complete, utter, hellbent, absolute crazy god damned fucking shit. In no particular order, and with no sense of style or cohesion:

My father continues his slide into a crude facsimile of glenn beck, alternating with no warning between quiet middle-aged former breadwinner to crazy right-wing nut who can't stand to badmouth Obama at every turn ("Obama has raised the national debt more than any previous president combined"). He is either fully delusional or just fucking with me; at one point he argued that the first amendment protects anyone anywhere from ever saying anything bad about guns, while I argued that no, it only really stops the government. Here is the argument in it's pure form:

<Me> There's nothing against the law from a store banning guns on their premises. You have every right to choose not to shop there, but they are breaking no law by not only disallowing guns, but by saying they won't allow them.
<Dad> I don't think that's true
<Me> A store could openly say that they will be banning anyone from the premises who wears the color blue. THey are not breaking the law, strictly speaking. It would be an unwise business move, of course, and there are things that can be banned that would actually break the law, but something like that would not.
<Dad> No, the first amendment protects against that
<Me> No, it only protects against the government saying that. The Government can't come out and say "You can't report on people wearing blue sweaters" or "You can't talk about Wiccan*", but a business can.
<Dad> That's not true.
<Me> * Smartphone, quote first amendment
<Dad> Well, hrmph.

*=Yes, Mongrel, yes everyone about ready to link 50 articles in response to government & press relations, we know, don't link it, we know.

He guards himself more and more, becoming a crude facsimile of someone he once was, in a desperate attempt to stay relevant and cling to what's left of his pride, which by now is little more than a self-destructive insistence that he IS right, that he's NOT like his dad, and that everything WILL be fine if he stays quiet and never tells anyone anything, which instead just makes everyone at each others throats and results in snippy remarks and angry posturing when he tries to "be right to everyone" because he cannot STAND to be wrong

My mother is basically a high school cunt at this point. I've mended my relationship with her somewhat, but she still slips into whiny bitch mood where "if I feel bad everyone else should", held back only because now the entire family, immediate and extended, is biting back with a vengeance when she does it.

At the start of may I had to go to a wedding in California. I was a samurai! It was pretty cool. Except for the actual wedding part. And the 10 hour drive both ways. And California itself. And the bed. Okay everything other than "seeing family" and "being a samurai" was hell, as I discovered something rather horrible: My family is white trash. Like, a lot of them. I got to lay back on a deck chair on top of a mountain so high cell service was non-existence and look out over whatever mountainous valley is near Modesto on a gorgeous clear day and holy fuck that was a beautiful sight there, but a 10 hour drive both ways, with little technological interaction and 90% white trash family grates on you pretty hard.

And when we got back, my brother had moved in. Yes, my brother, whom #ff veterans will know as the Scrotum-Stapler, and who has recently decided to become an MRA in the wake of the Isla VIsta BMW Shootings (He feels that people aren't giving the men that were killed their proper due, only the women who were killed).

We are driving through OR's rather treacherous mountain roads. It's nearing hour 11 due to bad traffic. We are worn out. I'm twitching and almost out of energy drinks. My mother fumbles awake and calls home to tell my brother to get ready to help us unload. The first thing he says, the FIRST THING HE SAYS TO SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH THE PREVIOUS AFOREMENTIONED SHIT IS

"can you stop and get me some mcdonalds"

This is pretty much the highlight of my brother's attitude. Evenw ith an adorable cat he rescued and raised from a kitten, he is still a monumentally entitled piece of shit who needs a good few more years of life smashing his head around before he learns that he is owed nothing and he needs tos top being such a flaming asshole cunt.

So basically all of this stress nonstop is taking it's toll on me, rather severely. As I type, the left side of my body has several drying/vanishing bruises on it from a few days before. There are new cuts and scrapes appearing on my leg with regular frequency. Two days ago I had incredibly bad sleep, was on the verge of a breakdown the entire day, and at one point had the entire world shake and suddenly lost my legs. Like, not lost "feeling" but it was suddenly like I had nothing from the knee down.

My PS3 stick broke, but I got that taken care of, sorry to anyone in #ff who my constant whinging about it bothered you. I actually found a shadowbox and put up my increasingly large pin collection!. Even found a place that will ship Nintendo's official release of the Gen6 pins to me. Yes, those are penny arcade pins, I like shiny things. I had actually hoped that those "PA STaff" pins hadn't taken off, as I wanted to get a box of Ben Kuchera pins and send them to people I hate/Dirty Santa people. These little trinkets and toys are what I'm doing to cling to reality and sanity as I click away for google at my job, saving money to get the fucking hell out of dodge.


So. How was your day?

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Mothra
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Mothra » Sun Jun 01, 2014 8:38 am

Get money, escape. Make that your number 1 all-consuming do-nothing-else-but-this life priority.

If your current job isn't cutting it, maybe try for a better one.

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Mongrel
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Mongrel » Sun Jun 01, 2014 9:26 am

Agree. Every time you talk about home, I can't help but think it's long past time for you to move out - if possible. I don't pretend to know all the details of your circumstances.

If it's any consolation, I don't think anyone on the boards would post links at you just because your dad is off being crazy somewhere - I'm not even sure what that would do. Most of us have a pretty good idea of how easily facts can be dismissed by people who don't want to hear them.

You're in a shitty situation. We get that and just want to help you if we can. Never mind the rest.
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Disposable Ninja
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Disposable Ninja » Sun Jun 01, 2014 10:46 am

Alright, Lyrai, I would love nothing more than to just shut up and let you vent. Now, don't get me wrong, if your family is genuinely being emotionally abusive (and it can be difficult to tell), you need to cut them out of your life, wholesale. But honestly? A lot of your problems seem to be reciprocal, and at least somewhat caused by your own attitude towards your situation. So your dad needs to be right, so what? Why do you need to be right? Because he's wrong? Find something else to talk about.

Your brother asked for McDonald's, and that makes him a piece on entitled shit? Because he didn't consider what all you went through? What about what he's going through? Maybe he's depressed as fuck and some Micky D's with the family will make him feel better. He just had to move back in with his parents, so I can't imagine that his life is going the way he hoped or thought it would. Said family, by the way, went to celebrate a wedding without him. And even if he had elected to stay behind, maybe he regretted it after spending so much time by himself without anyone around to talk to.

The only part of any of that that actually sounded like a legit problem was that stuff about your mom having to drag everyone around her into her emotional blackhole. And then, it sounds like she's trying to change that about herself and grow as a human being.
For the White Witch!

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Lyrai
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Lyrai » Sun Jun 01, 2014 3:10 pm

My mother and I went to the wedding. My dad stayed behind to help my brother move in, as that was the only date that worked with the house being sold and all that. My brother knew we had just finished a 10 hour drive, because we told him. He had just finished such a drive himself and kept talking about how exhausting and horrible it was. This is also one of many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, other actions he's taken that make him an entitled piece of shit.

No, I don't have to be right. But my father's insistence on being right all the time is physically destroying his body. He needs help, and he refuses to ask for it, because despite being in such searing pain that he can't walk half the time, he insists everything is fine and he can totally handle it.

DNi, please shut up.

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Lyrai
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Lyrai » Sun Jun 01, 2014 3:23 pm

Mongrel wrote:Agree. Every time you talk about home, I can't help but think it's long past time for you to move out - if possible. I don't pretend to know all the details of your circumstances.

If it's any consolation, I don't think anyone on the boards would post links at you just because your dad is off being crazy somewhere - I'm not even sure what that would do. Most of us have a pretty good idea of how easily facts can be dismissed by people who don't want to hear them.

You're in a shitty situation. We get that and just want to help you if we can. Never mind the rest.


I meant more heading off the "Actually..." because yes, obviously, at this point in time the government, the press, and such are all in a rather complex, tangled relationship that bodes ill for everyone else.

And yes, all the money from the Googlejob is going towards saving up and getting the hell out of here. I have some friends who are helping me scour the damn country looking for a decent place to live and a job, the former not being helped by some physical conditions that already cost me one place to live.

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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Mongrel » Sun Jun 01, 2014 4:48 pm

You work for Google? Is this like a contract thing (if you can move anywhere then presumably either the term is limited or else you can work remotely?) Maybe it was mentioned in #FF or something but I haven't seen you mention it here.

In my experience, Seattle is about as not-awful a place as you can get in the US, I guess. Plus it's not too far (you're in OR, right?) and you can ask Starr for advice if you wanted (I'd have said Minnesota, but WINTERRRRR BOOOOO).
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sei
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby sei » Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:19 pm

Lyrai wrote:he tries to "be right to everyone" because he cannot STAND to be wrong
Revising positions when confronted with new information is a better heuristic for being right. He probably doesn't feel like he is relevant (as you said) or worthy of respect, so he's trying to flex and is failing.

The easiest thing for you to do is to not engage him in political discussion. It's going to be a waste of both your time. If he gets political, make it clear that he's making you uncomfortable and go do something else. The alternatives to this involve a lot of patience and willpower, or the willingness to become a shitty person and start gaslighting.

I have no advice for dealing with your mom, other than to avoid her.



You should try talking to Defenestration on TeamSpeak/whatever and see if his chipperness brightens your day. It's worth a shot, and the worst thing that could happen is that it affects you the way it affects Bal.
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Rico » Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:27 pm

Seattle is awesome but has some caveats. It's not terribly affordable as a single person, unless you're living in a slumlordy 6+ person house. Also, it's not as rainy as its reputation but it is perpetually gray 10 months a year, which can be rough on anyone's mental health.

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sei
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby sei » Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:42 pm

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Lyrai
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Lyrai » Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:47 pm

Mongrel wrote:You work for Google? Is this like a contract thing (if you can move anywhere then presumably either the term is limited or else you can work remotely?) Maybe it was mentioned in #FF or something but I haven't seen you mention it here.

In my experience, Seattle is about as not-awful a place as you can get in the US, I guess. Plus it's not too far (you're in OR, right?) and you can ask Starr for advice if you wanted (I'd have said Minnesota, but WINTERRRRR BOOOOO).


It's a contract thing that they send me a DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS six times a week to the work email, so I'm hestitant to just drop all the details, but it's an entry level contract thing where I log into my work hub, do a few hours worth of stuff as long as there's work to do, and get paid a few hundred a month. I consider it a half-job, I'm actively looking for another job as I consider this less of a job and more of a band-aid to my bank account. Yeah, I'm in OR.
sei wrote:The easiest thing for you to do is to not engage him in political discussion. It's going to be a waste of both your time. If he gets political, make it clear that he's making you uncomfortable and go do something else. The alternatives to this involve a lot of patience and willpower, or the willingness to become a shitty person and start gaslighting.


Currently my tactic with my dad deciding to politics is, if I can, I immediately interrupt him and break off the conversation in as loud a "I don't like this" as I can. We have talked before and agreed that politics is not a proper discussion, but he sometimes "Forgets" or just gets too caught up in the thought that Darth Obama and the Democratic Stormtroopers are going to march in and take his guns to realize that I just don't give a flying fuck.

Do I want to know what "gaslighting" is?


A real large part of this I feel is that my distorted upbringing and cavalcade of mental problems has left me with a lot of gaps in my social know-how. I feel like everyone has this book, that they fill in as they grow older - "How to be a person" - and I'm missing large swaths of pages from the "social interaction" chapter. I'm honestly never sure if when I butt heads with my parents, is it because my own issues? Or because they're flawed people and I'm still adjusting to that whole "Parents can be flawed and not perfect paragons" thing.

And yeah I've been to Seattle a few times. It's nice, but not someplace to live for an extended period.

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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Disposable Ninja » Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:55 pm

Lyrai wrote:Do I want to know what "gaslighting" is?


It's when your abuser makes you doubt that your experiences are or were ever even real. "I would never called you fat or stupid. How could you make up such terrible lies about me?"
For the White Witch!

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sei
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby sei » Sun Jun 01, 2014 6:04 pm

Gaslighting refers to something more extreme than what I had in mind. Forget I used it.

Warning: I am the worst possible person to take this kind of advice from.
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Brentai
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Brentai » Sun Jun 01, 2014 6:36 pm



Man, maybe I should go live there. It seems like the one place on Earth I wouldn't be considered abnormal.

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François
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby François » Sun Jun 01, 2014 6:49 pm

Lyrai wrote:A real large part of this I feel is that my distorted upbringing and cavalcade of mental problems has left me with a lot of gaps in my social know-how. I feel like everyone has this book, that they fill in as they grow older - "How to be a person" - and I'm missing large swaths of pages from the "social interaction" chapter. I'm honestly never sure if when I butt heads with my parents, is it because my own issues? Or because they're flawed people and I'm still adjusting to that whole "Parents can be flawed and not perfect paragons" thing.


I think I can relate at least in part to what you mean. At one point in my life I had been so wounded by the assholes in my immediate and extended environment that it felt like my brain associated interpersonal relationships with pain; the idea of talking to a stranger for any reason gave me cold sweats and made my heart race, like all the tools in my social toolbox would inevitably lead to failure so even trying to engage someone became a guarantee of suffering. For a while I had a mild phobia of phones because what the fuck would I want with a device that is only used for talking to people, why don't we just buy a rack or an iron maiden instead.

I'm much better now. In fact, barring the very occasional mild relapse, I almost feel sorta normal nowadays. I don't know if I can entirely recommend the following course of action for everyone, but here's what worked for me: I isolated myself from the major sources of social stress and spent a lot of time alone. I would never advise going hikikomori or close to it, but living alone, distancing myself from my family and some of my friends* did me immeasurable good. I know it'll sound counterproductive, but the way it did the trick for me was to let old wounds close. It reset my expectations of success or failure to neutral. It took a few years, but now I smile at strangers passing me on the street, actually enjoy small talk (a fact that still blows my mind), and not only will I enter a restaurant on my own instead of looking noncommitally at the door for a few minutes before turning back feeling disgusted with myself, but I can also chat with the waitress looking her in the eye without having the impression I'm about to have a heart attack. I can be in a crowd at an outdoors show, keep track of my center without having to focus on it, and think "huh, this is kind of nice". It was all a question of giving my mind time to forget the pain, even if the unfortunate events themselves will never fade from memory.

I did try for a while before that the opposite strategy, attempt to force myself into social situations that stressed me out and go out of my way to be surrounded by people who did not have my best interests at heart, just so I'd get better at it eventually, but I'm glad I was smart enough to realize that it amounted to trying to make a blister go away by rubbing it with sandpaper.

Giving yourself a break from people can seem selfish in some regards but your happiness is no less important than anyone else's, and life's too short to endure the company of the inconsiderate and the petty for any longer than your ethics demand. You're your own closest blood relative after all, and sometimes, just sometimes, the most charitable thing you can do for anyone, the best thing you can do to positively impact your world, is something you can do for yourself.

*: It just now strikes me that I've never even thought about distancing myself from this community in that process. You guys are rad.

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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Mongrel » Sun Jun 01, 2014 7:55 pm


This seems like something I've seen in almost all large cities I've ever been to.
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sei
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby sei » Sun Jun 01, 2014 8:04 pm

François wrote:it amounted to trying to make a blister go away by rubbing it with sandpaper.
Eloquently put.
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François
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby François » Thu Jun 19, 2014 11:00 pm

I realized that this woman I've been talking to for a while is the female equivalent of those jackasses that think being in love with someone obligates them to love you back and have sex with you, and will become angry and bitter when either is denied.

Also it has become apparent that she's desperately looking for someone to blame for her suicide.

Man I sure can pick 'em.

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Re: Shittier Days

Postby beatbandito » Fri Jun 20, 2014 6:27 am

François wrote:Also it has become apparent that she's desperately looking for someone to blame for her suicide.
If there's one thing I know about ghosts it's that they don't leave you alone until you reveal the truth behind their deaths.
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Joxam
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Re: Shittier Days

Postby Joxam » Wed Jul 09, 2014 8:42 am

Hey guys my mom is in the hospital again. Acute renal failure of her transplanted kidney. Don't know what to do. She's already been more than adamant that she doesn't want to be on dialysis again but that was while she was healthy so who knows what she'll think now that she's sick. I know the majority of you aren't praying people so I wont ask that. Just... thank you guys for always being there.
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