Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

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Spram
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Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Spram » Thu Dec 31, 2015 9:07 pm

In this world now it's not considered cool to treat people badly because of their differences. Be it race, sex, sexual preference and so on..

So why is it still ok to treat shy, socially anxious or socially awkward people (me) like shit?

I guess it's because there are plenty of successful people who belong to certain minority groups and it wouldn't make sense to commit social suicide by being homophobic or racist. But socially awkward people are not successful, and if they are, then they're not really seen as socially awkward (Woody Allen?*), just eccentric or something.

Basically, people think they are being progressive by accepting certain groups and then bragging about it, but there will always be a people that you can shit on, and that's what I am. I am the person with social anxiety and if my life is shit because I have social anxiety and every one treats me like if I was a piece of shit, then it's obviously my fault for not changing and stop being so socially anxious.

There really is no movement for accepting people who are shy. You type in anything related to social anxiety on bingoogle and all you get is tips and tricks to stop being like that... but being socially anxious doesn't hurt other people, it only hurts the person with the anxiety problem, so why the hate? This is just the way I am.

The best way an extremely shy person can stop being shy is when other people don't treat us like shit.

I guess the hate comes from trying to fit in. If nobody cares about shy people, then you can treat them like shit so you can show the world what a popular un-shy cool dude you are. Fuck the losers. I'm sure this shit is in our DNA.

*Yeah, I know Woody Allen is creepy for marrying his daughter in law but he was a cool popular dude even before he did that. Also, he's not shy, just weird.

/RANT

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Friday
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Friday » Thu Dec 31, 2015 9:44 pm

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sei
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like the Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter that is Someti

Postby sei » Thu Dec 31, 2015 9:55 pm

The harder it is to know, understand, or get along with someone, or the harder it is to defend them.

Shyness can be construed as aloofness or rejection.

Anxiety brings out the worst in people. Passive coping makes you an ineffectual milquetoast. Active coping's urgency makes you impatient or domineering.

These alienate you, and make it easier to dismiss you.

Thankfully, there are good support groups like 2chan, where everyone is accepted when looking for [Help!] (´・ω・`).
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like the Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter that is Someti

Postby sei » Thu Dec 31, 2015 10:01 pm

Also. People respect utility; crippling conditions like anxiety, severe depression, etc. detract from your utility. Can't work; can't be as good of a friend. If you're [perceived as] useless, there are better places for people to invest their time and energy.

As we were once told in WoW*, "Some people are not worth your time." If society at large identifies you as one of those people, you're in for it. (Well, unless your disability includes you in the spotted owl of the month group, in which case you can look forward to a lot of lip service and/or simps "helping" you to feel better about themselves.)

Alllllllllllllllso, we still have that funtimes stigma where mental illness is clearly a lack of GUMPTION And BOOTSTRAPPING and CHARACTER and MOXIE and INITIATIVE and FORTITUDE saves, so obviously anyone struggling with the above is actually just lazy and shiftless and lacks ambition and blah blah American values.











*...between wiping on Malygos just like beta...
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Thad » Fri Jan 01, 2016 1:42 am

I would add: Spram, I don't know what you're dealing with specifically, and if people are making fun of you for being awkward, that's not cool.

But it's also possible that these folks are being socially inept in their own way. Maybe they're trying to connect with you. Maybe they think they're just joking and they don't know they're hurting your feelings. Lots of people bond by making fun of each other; sometimes they don't mean any harm by it.

But again, I'm not there and I don't know; maybe people really are just being assholes on purpose. And if they are, hey, fuck those guys.

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Mothra
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Mothra » Fri Jan 01, 2016 2:55 pm

Friday wrote:

I laughed so hard at this

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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby TA » Fri Jan 01, 2016 3:15 pm

That was the perfect response, yes.
のほも is such a good word?? the concept is kind of hard to fully get across in translation, but basically it means a feeling of pure, deep, platonic affection, and i think thats beautiful

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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like santorum?

Postby Spooky Skeleton » Fri Jan 01, 2016 4:21 pm

When I was younger--but probably still to this day, I've just gotten some what better about it--I was very shy I never felt like anyone got along with me or liked me. People had a tendency to make fun of me and I always felt like no one respected me regardless of what I did. If I was a little bit bad at something, someone would act like I was the worst. If I proved to be good at something, then it always felt like no one would give me any props for it unless I was the absolute best at it or something. I was into a lot of things that the other children at my school were not into and I thought the things that were "cool" at my school were not cool.

So that was me, the guy who liked cool stuff that other people didn't know was cool and who thought the stuff they liked was lame and rejected it. I walked around thinking that the world was unfair and that people were idiots for not liking me and I cherished the handful of friends I had who understood me.

But, then I grew up and I realized that we are all flawed, hairless apes who are just trying to fit into society and feed ourselves. It wasn't the responsibility of anyone to take an interest in me, intelligently assess me as a person and discover that I was cool and that everyone should be nice to me and appreciate me. Really, if anyone was nice to me upon first meeting me when I had given them no selfish reason to do so, that was an example of someone being REALLY NICE and should not be expected as the normal behavior of people. People are usually thinking about themselves, not you. People take the path of least resistance the vast majority of the time. Some people go out of their way to help people or make a new friend or whatever, but it's an exceptional thing to do. It's wrong-headed to be sad or mad that people don't help out shy people constantly. Are there some assholes who are going to even do the opposite and be mean to you? Yup! Are they terrible demons of people for doing so? Well, some of them maybe are, but the vast majority of them are just people, weak, human-assed people. They are mean to you because it makes them feel good. It lets off some steam for some of them, it makes others feel less awkward about dealing with you and your shy nature, etc. It makes them feel more comfortable. Don't hate all of them for doing it, they are just apes, trying to avoid strain and pain until they die one day.

You can't expect people to go around and seek out shy people and then engage with them until they slowly, awkwardly come out of their shell. You have to help people, you have to give them a leg up when it comes to socializing with you. You have to put some honey out for them to initially enjoy so that they'll be intrigued enough to start trying to figure you out and care about you. The main thing though, is that just like I don't think you should be overly critical of people for not getting along with you, or being mean to you, you shouldn't be overly critical of yourself. Yes Spram, you are very shy. This has led to you having a lot of problems socializing with other people for a very long time now. But tomorrow is an other day. Your story could be the story of a guy who was cripplingly shy for most of his life an then one day started to get over it and met a life long friend in a place he never expected to. But if you keep chanting this mantra of how you are fucked and this is "just the way you are" then that's never going to happen.

Now I don't mean to go into "you just need to pull yourself up by your boot-straps" mode; I have no idea if you have some sort of mental condition where you would need treatment of some kind to resolve this outside of just a better mind set about it. But, I do think that getting out of this head-space where you are doomed and everyone hates you, would be a move in the right direction towards living a healthier life.

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Spram
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like santorum?

Postby Spram » Sat Feb 06, 2016 2:46 am

Friday wrote:


I don't get it. Are you making fun of me? Why?

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Mothra
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like santorum?

Postby Mothra » Sat Feb 06, 2016 3:36 am

Spram wrote:I don't get it. Are you making fun of me? Why?

Gonna answer this question with a question: Did you read anything anyone in this thread has said?

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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Mongrel » Sat Feb 06, 2016 12:15 pm

To be honest I didn't get that joke either, but I think that's because I've never actually played FF6, so I assume there's a reference I'm missing.
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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Mothra » Sat Feb 06, 2016 3:49 pm

Spram, did you read anything anyone in this thread has said? Do you read the things we're trying to tell you?

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Re: Why is social awkwardness an excuse to treat someone like shit?

Postby Thad » Sat Feb 06, 2016 3:55 pm


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