My Life is Awesome and You Can Too

[Mothra]

Got an apartment finally! Rent is a soul-crushing $1350 a month (before utilities). Literally the cheapest place I could find in the not-even-Cambridge-or-Somerville part of Boston I wanted to live in.

Neighborhood seems pretty nice, plus it's like a two minute walk from the T. Move-in is Columbus Day.

[Mongrel]

If Guinness is a loaf of bread in every glass, then this horchata I'm drinking right now is a slice of cake in every cup.

[Grath]

Man, now I want to go get food from the local Oaxacan restaurant, they've got some damn good horchata.

[Büge]

If Guinness is a loaf of bread in every glass, then this horchata I'm drinking right now is a slice of cake in every cup.

Where did you get it? I want some!

[Mongrel]

There's a place in Scarborough, on Birchmount. Bug me when you come back and I'll dig up the address (It's north of Sheppard).

Alternately, I know a great place downtown which would be way easier to get to (on Yonge, near Wellseley), but the horchata is absolutely better at the Scarborough place.

[Büge]

Is it worth the drive to Scarborough, though?

[Mongrel]

For me, once in a while, yes. I don't know if It'd be worth a bus ride though.

[Sharkey]

Des and I had the brilliant idea to drive from Portland to Nevada for the holiday. The weather was godawful both there and back, turning each nine hour drive into something like twelve. On the plus side, we had the road to ourselves for pretty much the whole trip because we're apparently fucking insane and nobody does that sort of thing in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve regardless of snow.

While passing through the more nowhere part of Modoc forest on our way back last night we came across a van that had flipped a few times, snapped off a wheel, and ended up on its back in a ditch. The family inside shouted that they were "okay," by certain standards of okay, though the doors were pinned and they were nose down on a steep hill (well, side of a mountain,) so gravity had piled them and all their stuff in the front of the thing. I manged to get up the hill to the back, tore the hatch off (whole damn thing came free,) and pulled them all out. Including the wife, who was very, very fat. Somehow it didn't even feel like an effort. We piled them into our compact and drove about twenty miles to the fire station in the next town. Desiree's a former combat medic and she checked them out on the way. The little boy had a minor concussion, but otherwise they were completely fine.

They couldn't have been luckier. There's no cell reception in those mountains (we didn't get any service until we were pretty much to the fire station anyway,) and we never saw another car going either way for hours. They would have spent hours, if not the entire night, pinned in that thing in sub-zero weather with no heat, no blankets, and no way to call help or get to civilization while covered in ice water from the cooler in the back. It's weird to think, but they very well could have froze up there. Instead, they weren't trapped for long before an army medic, a genius dog, and the world's skinniest incredible hulk showed up. (Alas, Hedy didn't have much to do besides futilely dig at the side doors and comfort the kid afterward.)

So, yeah. I was high on adrenalin at the time, but in retrospect, I must have looked like the coolest motherfucker on the face of the planet. All frock coat and scarf, hair blowing in the snow, border collie at my heels, lit by hazard lights. Just tossing aside a torn-off rear door, "It's okay, I'm here to help." That kid thought I was a goddamn superhero. Hell, between the situationally inappropriate sartorial excess and the multitool-flashlight, I probably looked like Doctor fucking Who.

We made it home only a bit later than planned. I just slept twelve hours, but I feel like I fucking earned it for once. Warm fuzzies all around.

[Büge]

Dang, Sharkey.

[Mothra]

Fuck yes.

[Mongrel]

Holt shit yessss. Awesome.

[Thad]

A Christmas miracle.

Sharkey, you should have your own holiday special. Stop motion is preferred but any type of animation is acceptable.

[Sharkey]

When a fat lady keeps saying "Thank God for miracles," it's very, very hard not to say "Don't be so formal, call me Mister Sharkey."

And if I didn't love Des before, I would now. The car hadn't even stopped and she somehow teleported out there and was asking relevant questions, ready to sew someone's head back on with catgut from an overly prepared first aid kit. She's incredible.

[François]

Dang, is there someone we can write to who can get you like a medal or something?

[Sharkey]

Shut the fuck you. It's not my fault that was awesome.

It was like, God's or something. And when there was one set of footprints on the beach it was because sand people walk single file to hide their numbers.

[Mongrel]

What if the medal came in the form of a gilded dick butt? Would you accept that?

EDIT: Man, that sounds like I'm being snarky. I'm not :<

[Joxam]

I don't know man I'm pretty sure Gilded Dick Butt is my brother's new nickname now though.

[Kayma]

Didn't get around to watching the Doctor Who Christmas special this year, but I'm not sure it'll measure up now.

[Mongrel]

I don't know man I'm pretty sure Gilded Dick Butt is my brother's new nickname now though.

SORRY MAL

[Friday]

Just think, Sharkey, the next time someone suggests doing something completely stupid and insane highly questionable VEGAS BABY with you, your natural inclination is now going to be "alright, yeah, I guess I have to or people might die".