Our Boys In Blue

[Yoji]

I forget who put the idea in my head, but you really do look at the police differently when you substitute the word "cop" with "some guy with a gun." And when you remember that gun is a tool explicitly made to break things and hurt people, it's crazy to think such a thing could be used to fix anything.

[Friday]

There is a reason that regular cops are not allowed to have guns in other industrialized nations.

Silver, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. You're going to have to decide on your own if tipping the boat is worth it for you and your coworkers. Stay as strong and as safe as you can.

[Büge]

St. Louis police crash SUV into LGBTQ bar and arrest the bar's owner

[Mongrel]

I've been watching that story unfold and the video of them crashing is, to my untrained eye, hilariously incriminating:



- Cops said they "swerved to avoid a dog". Of course there is no dog.
- Cop actually remain in FULL CONTROL of the vehicle the entire time - notice that they apply the brakes before they even start to turn and also well before the parked car. There's no spin, no skid (and also seemingly no evidence that anti-lock braking kicked in, which it should for panic braking). If they were swerving to avoid something or just trying to stop, they had ample time and space to do so.

IANAL, much less Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny, but it sure as hell looks like this was "Well that bar shouldn't have been standing there dressed so provocatively."

Oh and of course the other cops who showed up never issued a breathalyzer or other test because their dear colleagues "looked sober".

The good news is that the guy they arrested is already out and the charge dropped from Felony to misdemeanor. Their attorney is working on getting it tossed completely and of course suing the everloving shit out of the StLPD.

[Büge]

Police officer assaults teen.
Police officer has heart attack.
Police officer dies.
Teen is charged with aggravated murder.

[Friday]

John McClane crawled through the ventilation shaft. "Now I know how a TV dinner feels," John McClane said, ruggedly. He paused to light a cigarette. The ash and flame dripped ruggedly from his heroic mouth. "I also know what it feels like to be a hero," he said, lightning another cigarette.

Suddenly, a 1915 Little Willie burst through the wall into the duct. "I'm made of Laffy Taffy," said the 1915 Little Willie.

"Finally, a tank," McClane said, lighting another cigarette. "I'm glad the city's money is being spent on tanks for cops like me, who are heroes."

Suddenly a killer robot drone loaded with explosives came in through the hole in the duct that Little Willie had made.

"Finally, a killer robot drone loaded with explosives," McClane said, lighting another cigarette. "Now I can pilot this killer robot drone loaded with explosives into drug dens and detonate it heroically, killing drug users and also some of the innocent neighbors."

Suddenly McClane saw a black person, or maybe it was a mexican. Lighting another cigarette, he opened fire. Though he did not hit his target, he did manage to kill several other children in the area.

Suddenly, terrorists took over a school and began executing children as fast as they could. John McClane knew. This was his chance. He picked up his phone and called for backup. After one hundred other cops arrived on the scene, he ruggedly prevented a distraught parent from entering the school to save their child. Several hours passed. John McClane knew. This was the work of goddamn liberals. He lit another cigarette. The flame cast rugged, heroic shadows on his rugged heroic face.

[Mongrel]

omg a Little Willie reference are you shitting me.

Fridaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... you been reading WWI history?

[Friday]

I have in the past a little bit, but I'm gonna be honest with you, I just wanted to do the 19xx Chevy Malibu joke from Simo Belmo but also make a joke about cops and their fucking tanks, and so needed the earliest tank. So I googled it. Though I had heard of Little Willie before, once I saw it.

That's right, I'm a shitposter who does her research!! no low quality shitposts from this bad bitch, just very very very low quality

One day I will crack the insane bullshit nut that is WW1 for realsies, but right now I'm on a Korean war kick. I didn't fucking know that Seoul fell/exchanged hands FOUR FUCKING TIMES during the war jesus christ.

[Mongrel]

Cops fire at handcuffed man in back of cop SUV after first cop mistakes acorn for a gunshot

Somehow he wasn't hurt! (git gud nubs! o wait ur cops)

Video (nothing requiring CW apart from gunshots and a very very dead rear wiper).

“We have an armed suspect at the Daikini Crossroads! There’s a peck here with an acorn pointed at me!”

[Friday]

Oh my god. I have seen so many acorn memes over the past few days and I had no idea what the fuck was going on.

And that video was just

Like

It plays out like a sketch comedy

Like if you had shown me that video and told me it was a scene from Reno 911 I would have 100% believed you.

[nosimpleway]

the fucking Dark Souls combat roll elevates it fully into the realm of self-parody, really

[François]

Ten bucks say he thought he was hit because he hurt himself rolling.

[Büge]

a slide came at him with a knife

[atog]

I AM GROOT (FUCK THA PO-LICE)

[Büge]

here's the article

[Mongrel]

A “very irate male” wielding a block of cheese assaulted a patrol officer with the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary on Thursday, the police force says.

Const. James Cadigan said the situation underlines how varied and unexpected officers’ experiences on the job can be.

“It shows we can never let our guard down,” Cadigan said in an interview.

He said the officer did not require medical attention, adding that he did not know what type of cheese was used in the assault.

When I read the first sentence, it was going to be a "lol headline" post in the rando news thread or the Canada thread.

But then a cop opened his mouth and so of course it ends up here.

I do appreciate the obvious implication that the reporters present treated this with all due seriousness by asking about the cheese and not the cop.

[Friday]

"And that's not even getting into the random stuff on trees that can drop onto the tops of our cars, forcing us to immediately do a tactical roll and open fire at nothing," Cadigan added. "If said fire hits a kid or two, well, that just goes to show you how serious our job is and how we must always be on alert. Our guard must always be up so we can maximize the amount of children, especially black children, that we kill."

When asked if Cadigan was a racist, he replied "Well, yes, of course. You cannot become a cop if you aren't. But don't let that fool you. We will also shoot you if you are white for no reason at all. It's just we tend to do it more to blacks and other POC. Also, on a different topic, I need to take a moment to demand even more of this city's budget. We only have 70-80% of it, and some thousand dollars per month are going to social services for disadvantaged peoples, like trans people. That money could be used instead to buy us more tanks and guns, which again, we need so we can maximize the amount of children we shoot. And remember, I mean white children too. We are racist and shoot more POCs per capita, but it shouldn't escape your notice that we will also definitely not hesitate to execute you or your white child. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to steal a black child from their mother and hold it up for a picture for propaganda purposes."

[Grath]

These are Canadian cops, so (as far as I'm aware) it's more First Nations than general PoC, and sometimes they're Starlight Tours rather than shooting.

[Friday]

fair point. I had to look up what Starlight Tours were, having never heard of them:

For decades, the Canadian public has overlooked Starlight Tours. Within Indigenous communities, this practice is all too familiar. Darrell Night, a Saulteaux First Nation member and survivor of a Starlight Tour, best describes the horrifying nature of these tours. He said of the experience, “I thought I was dead. All those rumours I heard in the past, they were all coming true.”

On January 28, 2000, two officers took Night out of town and left him stranded. He was wearing only a light denim jacket in -25 Celsius weather. Night told the officers, “I’ll freeze to death out here,” to which one officer replied, “That’s your f-ing problem.” Night survived after walking to a nearby power plant and pounding on the door for nearly 30 minutes until a worker heard him. Days after the incident, the frozen bodies of two other Indigenous men – 25-year-old Rodney Naistus and 30-year-old Lawrence Wegner – were found close to where Night was left.

After the two deaths, Night came forward to report his experience to the authorities. The similarity of the three cases prompted an RCMP internal investigation, which led to a series of inquests. Judicial inquiries into the deaths of four men opened. Those men were Lloyd Dustyhorn, Rodney Naistus, Lawrence Wegner and Neil Stonechild. All four were victims of Starlight Tours, and in all four cases, the jury concluded their deaths were accidental, either caused by hypothermia or unknown circumstances.

Night, however, did see some justice. The two police officers who took Night – Ken Munson and Dan Hatchen – were suspended without pay, found guilty of unlawful confinement, and ordered to serve an eight-month jail sentence. Unfortunately, they were free after serving only half of their sentences.

The only good news is they seem to mostly only happen in Saskatchewan, Manitoba and (of course) Alberta. But cops are cops everywhere. The methods vary from geographic area to geographic area, the racism and oppression remain the same.

I mean, maybe I'm wrong? Are New Zealand cops super paragons of virtue who routinely charge into burning buildings with an active shooter in them and never abuse anyone? Let me know if there's some country somewhere where the cops are super chill dudes worthy of respect, I'd be interested. I'm sure it's not hard to find "better than American cops", but that's a very, very low bar.

[Mongrel]

I mean, I would call Canadian cops better than American ones who do in fact receive more training and are subject to stricter laws. Multiple cops have in fact, gone to jail, for actually shooting and murdering someone during a confrontation - still only single digits, but that's enough of a - what's that word cops love so much? oh yeah: deterrant. Like, oops, no actually you might get more than just fired.

But apart from that, ours do just about everything American ones do just short of the outright indiscriminate murder. Is that better than "also indiscriminate murder of minorities, or anyone really." Yes. Yes it is. But is it GOOD? lmao. As you say, this is a *very* low bar and you pretty much still want to never bother calling the cops for the same reasons you wouldn't call American ones.

Also we are absolute CHAMPS at stealing indigenous children, holy shit, like the rates are down a lot from what they once were and they're still ludicrous.