I hear that the GOP platform now proposes essentially doing away with public lands.
Like a big, fat kiss for the Bundy clan.
...wait a sec, I had a thought. That crowd insists that the federal government can't hold land besides forts, military bases, and the capitol, right? So what if we just reclassify every single national park as a military installation of some kind? Post a handful of Marines in a kiosk somewhere near the Grand Canyon, and have them do something vaguely military-ish every day to keep the classification. Like, fly a drone, drive a tank around the perimeter, or shoot targets of a zombie bin Laden and call it "anti-terror training."
I await all your Nobel Prizes, ticker tape parades, and Blingee'd thank-you cards.