Bogus, batshit, banal, bizarre, or bicubic: Assorted News

[Friday]

I'm fine, I live north of the flooding even if the dam does actually explode.

They're evacing people to my town, after all.

[Brantly B.]

Are you being flooded by rednecks though?

[Yoji]

I thought California didn't have any water!

We haven't for like six years now. It was sounding so dire*, I started watering the plants on the patio with whatever I caught with a bucket I kept in the shower. But last month we got walloped; even Long Beach saw a record in single-day rainfall for the area. (3.87in, I think)

*I say "sounded" since we live in Orange County. Easy and reliable water that will always be available forever!

[Friday]

The main problem so far has been the fucking panic about it. People (I include both the news and idiots on twitter) keep talking about how THE DAM IS FAILING.

Like, granted, there's a problem, and it's a big problem, but the Dam itself is fine.

Here's the sitch as of today, from the mouth of a real life local who has watched the live press conferences:

PARTS OF DAM

1. DAM (not relevant to remainder of post)
2. SPILLWAY (Damaged but functional)
3. EMERGENCY SPILLWAY (Really fucking damaged and of top concern, currently under repairs of the 'drop huge rocks with helicopters' kind)

THE WORK

1. They're trying to get the water down to -50 feet of capacity by Thursday, when the next (weeklong!) storm starts.
2. This will occur, because they are releasing water at capacity down the spillway. Math.
3. HOWEVER, if additional erosion/damage occurs to the Spillway, this could force them to slow the release, which would make the lake not -50 as planned.
4. Regardless of what they get it down to, it's up to nature as to how bad this coming storm is exactly and how much water will be put back into the reservoir. If Storm Is Bad/Additional Erosion of Spillway occurs, this could again overflow the reservoir, leading to:
5. EMERGENCY SPILLWAY being used again. The EMERGENCY SPILLWAY is basically just a slightly lower wall at the top. They don't control it at all, it's just where water comes over when the lake overflows. As noted in PARTS OF DAM pt 3, the previous "use" of the EMERGENCY SPILLWAY fucked it up really hard, because it had never ever been used before and the water went in weird directions and eroded the shit out of everything. If water comes over again, it could erode the MAIN RESERVOIR WALL, which would lead to...
6. The realistic worst case scenario. This is a 30ft wall of water released all at once into the Feather river below, flooding the SHIT out of it and turning Oroville into Mostly Underwaterville.

In conclusion:

1. Additional erosion of spillway could force them to slow release, leaving the lake higher than wanted when the weeklong storm hits.
2. Storm could be worse than forcecast.

If neither occurs, we're fine.

If one occurs, we're probably fine.

If both occur, well. Underwaterville might become a reality. The other towns in the path would have hours+ to prepare. I'm not up to speed on the damage that would cause to them. Sure, if the DAM ITSELF blows, they'd be in trouble, but while 30ft of water is a lot of fucking water, it's not TIDAL WAVE SACRAMENTO IS DOOMED amounts.

Are you being flooded by rednecks though?

I feel sorry for them, mostly. They have no eta on a repop plan yet. Sucks. I hope they start letting people back in by wednesday/thursday when they hit the -50 marker. If they have to keep them for the whole next storm, that would be really shitty.

[Friday]

Close: Spillway releasing at capacity (100,000 cu ft/s (2,800 m3/s))
Far: Emergency Spillway eroding the shit out of everything

You can see the concrete wall between the two spillways on the lip. That's what is in danger of failing and releasing the 30ft.

[Büge]

Right-wingers blame ‘transgender bathrooms’ for flood emergency in California

Sorry, Friday. I couldn't hold my pee for much longer. :(

[Mothra]

We were foollllllllllllllsssssss

[Yoji]

What? Let's look at this pile of nonsense.

Breitbart writer Katy Grimes led the criticism in a Fac--

PFFFFFNope! Breitbart. Don't need to read more than that. Let's look at adorable baby murlocs instead entertaining that fucknut.

[Friday]

Watching the livestream on youtube, I saw pretty much every possible comment ten times, including the following:

"dam overflowing with liberal tears"
"fuck california anyway, faggot state"
"this is obama's fault"
"gays made this happen"
"I hope all you so called tolerants drown"

etc

It was sort of weird to see the internet being excessively typically internet about an event that was occurring within 20 miles of me, but that's all.

Anyway, the mandatory Evac was lifted as of 1:30 pacific time today, though the Evac warning stays in effect. So far, so good.

Like I said, the real test is when it starts pouring rain again on Thursday and beyond.

[zaratustra]

california flooding is like "but her emails"

they might be fucked in every way, but you're fucked in ONE way, and that makes both sides the same right

[Brantly B.]

That's a very conservative part of California getting hit, though. The liberal parts are just tickled pink about the entire situation, watching these poor fuckers get less than zero help from their heroes because, oh hey, it turns out prejudice hurts innocent people sometimes! But I doubt anybody in the state government is going to let them twist too much, which is really fortunate since there's a lot to gain politically by just letting this turn into a full-blown natural disaster for the Feds to mishandle.

[Friday]

Yeah, the fact that NorCal is as red as Trump's ass after a long night of being spanked by pissing hookers does not deter anyone from wanting the dam to burst so it can kill all the liberals.

You have to remember that nationally, whenever anyone says "California", what most people hear is "hippietowns LA and San Fransisco."

I once had to explain to my cousin's husband (who was from Idaho) that I did not actually live anywhere near the beach, only went maybe once every two years, and it was freezing cold and you couldn't swim or surf in it at all, unless you wanted to wear a wetsuit.

[Friday]

Here's a link to an imgur post that's simple and has the facts. The pic of the damaged (regular) spillway is from before they opened it to 100,000 per sec, it's all fucked up now, but importantly stable and functional.

[Büge]

Reminder: Mike Pence Voted Against Recognizing Pi Day

[sei]

Maybe Pence believes in Tau.

[Yoji]

[Thad]

Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz said on Twitter that he could not support Pi Day as “just one day,” adding that “it should go on forever.”

...you know what? That's actually pretty good, dammit.

[Brantly B.]

Hee hee.

I celebrated with a pot pie AND a turtle pie today so I can feel good about making Mike Pence sad twice.

[Mongrel]

[Mongrel]

FBI arrests man for sending journalist seizure-inducing strobe .gif

I am going to rob the bank because I need some money

Headed to the #bank with my #gun, do you think I need my own #bag for the #cash

First you need to edit the bank's wikipedia page with a section about how it was robbed tomorrow at high noon