Bogus, batshit, banal, bizarre, or bicubic: Assorted News

[Yoji]

And now for something not at all creepy:

If they ever make a show with Rachel Maddow and the Wonkette crew trading political gossip, cocktail recipes, and dick jokes, I'm buying us all a cable subscription.

[Mongrel]

Thankfully, our march towards God Emperor Trump is briefly interrupted by the news that PETA is asking Games Works to ban fur from the grim darkness of the far future

omglolol

EDIT: This is already spawning good parody articles.

[Wheels]

[beatbandito]

If they think 40k is bad with fur, wait till they find classic Warhammer.

Added bonus for "wearing the skin of dead animals takes no skill". But how did the animals get dead, I wonder?

[Thad]

Added bonus for "wearing the skin of dead animals takes no skill". But how did the animals get dead, I wonder?

I assume the guys I killed and stole the animal skins from did it. Though maybe they killed another set of guys. Or found it in a barrel or something.

[Yoji]

Do I want to know what they think of the Tyranids? I'm not too studied on my lore, but I've heard there are combat organisms that don't even have digestive systems. Like, they're not expected to survive long enough for that to be a problem, and any survivors just hurl themselves into digestion pits after battle. Or is that okay with PETA since those cannon fodder creatures were born that way?

[Mongrel]

Added bonus for "wearing the skin of dead animals takes no skill". But how did the animals get dead, I wonder?

I assume the guys I killed and stole the animal skins from did it. Though maybe they killed another set of guys. Or found it in a barrel or something.

I keep finding these large roast drumsticks and baked hams in trash cans, so it makes sense that the pelts must be somewhere too.

[Wheels]

I assume the main issue they have is with the Space Wolves, who tend to wear the pelts of Fenrisian Wolves. These are not garden variety wolves. Also proven man-eaters. This is a Fenris wolf.


The pelts they wear are of their first kill, which they do as an initiate, out of armor, with a knife. Yeah, no, that's a bit of skill.

[Sharkey]

Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, Queen of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas, Duchess of Edinburgh, Countess of Merioneth, Baroness Greenwich, Duke of Lancaster, Lord of Mann, Duke of Normandy, Sovereign of the Most Honourable Order of the Garter, Sovereign of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Sovereign of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Sovereign of the Most Illustrious Order of Saint Patrick, Sovereign of the Most Distinguished Order of Saint Michael and Saint George, Sovereign of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, Sovereign of the Distinguished Service Order, Sovereign of the Imperial Service Order, Sovereign of the Most Exalted Order of the Star of India, Sovereign of the Most Eminent Order of the Indian Empire, Sovereign of the Order of British India, Sovereign of the Indian Order of Merit, Sovereign of the Order of Burma, Sovereign of the Royal Order of Victoria and Albert, Sovereign of the Royal Family Order of King Edward VII, Sovereign of the Order of Merit, Sovereign of the Order of the Companions of Honour, Sovereign of the Royal Victorian Order, Sovereign of the Most Venerable Order of the Hospital of St John of Jerusalem, and Defender of the Faith is the UK's first monarch to celebrate her Sapphire Jubilee.

[Mongrel]

Gawd 'bless 'er.

[Yoji]

1) Gratz to her. That's a legitimately great anniversary there.

2) Is that really her full list of titles? Like, is that how she's supposed to be formally introduced? I remember a Disgaea character saying her full royal name required three full days to recite, but I thought they were just being ridiculous.

[zaratustra]

Nah, people feel that the Queen and Defender of the Faith bits are enough to impress anyone that needs impressing.

Her introduction -does- change depending on the country she's visiting; in Uganda she is Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, Queen of Uganda and of Her other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth.

[Sharkey]

I think I got most of them, but hell, I may have actually missed a few. As it was I was tempted to throw Queen of Dragons somewhere in middle of that fucking novel just to see if it'd be noticed.

Also I always thought it must feel kind of weird when there's a huge party every year on the anniversary of your dad's death, but I imagine you'd get used to it after it's been done sixty-something times. Also technically she became queen the exact instant Georgie 6 died, not the date of her coronation. If we had some way of empirically measuring queendom second by second maybe that could be harnessed for some kind of FTL communication, but we'd have to kill monarchs most of the way down the line of succession to send any kind of meaningful message.

[Mazian]

Somewhere in Ireland, a group of republican physicists just perked up.

[Büge]

The only thing known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

[Sharkey]

MotherFUCKER. I never read much Pratchett, other than Good Omens. I didn't even bother with Discworld stuff until recently just on account of I kept getting it mixed up with Ringworld. I feel like I need to catch up on all of it now, just to avoid covering the same fucking territory. They guy could have left something for the rest of us, jeez. He's basically the Simpsons Did It of fantasy satire.

[Mongrel]

Pratchett good. Read his books. Mmmhmm.

[Yoji]

So, has anyone else heard about what's happening with the Oroville Dam, north of Sacramento?



Feel free to panic!

[Mongrel]

Hope your place will be okay, Friday.

[nosimpleway]

I thought California didn't have any water!

(Okay glibness aside that's fucking terrifying.)

(Reminds me of a story I read back in the 90s about some people who wanted to dynamite the dam at a reservoir upriver to flood downtown Nashville and loot the place in scuba gear. It didn't work obviously but as it turns out the theory was sound.)