The first thing you will find when you install the official Jeremy Renner app is a video which I would describe as essentially the Renner-fied version of the infamous Garth Brooks “first Facebook post.” Jeremy attempts to explain exactly what his app does, and in so doing delivers an excellent impression of someone who has never heard of either Jeremy Renner or apps. Also, maybe this was just on my device, but the video seemed to cut out before he held up today’s newspaper as proof of life. A potential bugfix in version 1.9441.2? I’m sure there’s already a Jira ticket being written up.
The second thing you will find upon installing the app—if you have not already installed the official Jeremy Renner app, please feel free to take this parenthetical as an opportunity to do so—is that every push notification you receive through the app looks as though it is coming directly from Mr. Renner himself; you will also soon notice that you receive a push notification every time somebody replies to you. What this means, as you’ve probably figured out by now, is that if you post “Lookin’ good, Mr. Renner!” under a blurry video of Jeremy driving a dump truck and someone named football_jersey97 replies with “There is diarrhea shooting out of my penis,” your phone will buzz and you will receive a notification with the words “Jeremy Renner: There is diarrhea shooting out of my penis” next to a little picture of Jeremy Renner’s face.
Now, I do not develop personalized vanity apps for celebrities. However, if I did develop personalized vanity apps for celebrities, I think one of the things I would try to avoid, just right off the bat before we got to much of the complicated stuff, would be any situation wherein it is extremely easy to make it look like the celebrity in question was personally messaging you about the stream of diarrhea shooting out of their penis.
Zuck gives an address at a private university retconning Facebook's original purpose from rating the attractiveness of female students to a platform designed to promote free speech and right the wrongs leading up to the Iraq war.
Every Single Comment on Facebook's livestream of Zuck's Free Speech address is fawning. 100%. There is not a single negative comment that appears.