XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

[Smiler]

At least I was the last one standing. Suck it everyone else.

[Angry Beaver]

PFC Angry Beaver, reporting for duty.

[Mothra]

Things have not been going well.



Got a Council Mission wherein I was supposed to escort some babbling pippendandy from one end of an observatory to the Skyranger, dodging overwatched Thin Men. Thin Men are notoriously insane shots, and tend to score a one-hit kill if they get the opportunity.

Made it to the very end, then the Scientist got his head blown off and all my guys died but one. The last escaped to the Skyranger, making it... a draw?



The DOOM TRACKER actually looks worse now than it did here (taken right after the Terror Mission), with much of Africa now in the red.



I'm walking on thin ice.

More abductions. I pick the one with the highest panic level and gun it.





Better dust off them artisan berets and learn to drive like assholes, ladies...



..cause we're going to France.

♬ Mission soundtrack ♪









If the team's looking a bit sparse, that's because NIKU FUCKING ATE EVERYBODY

All we have to work with are the lone survivor of the escort debacle, Ted Belmont, and two fresh recruits, Zara and Mongrel.



I head right, because the one time I went left NIKU FUCKING ATE EVERYBODY



Spot a Meld canister suspiciously close. Not a 'toid in sight.



I set Mongrel against the door to flank whatever sea of demons is undoubtably waiting for me to make a go for the canister.



Surprisingly, it's clear. I move Mongrel to the front window.



FLOATERS



They scatter behind the construction equipment in the gully, well out of range.





Two sectoids also trigger, mindlink, and move into position.



Ted climbs onto the roof.



Hits for 2. Technically better than a miss.



Mongrel has a good angle, but the first Floater starts in with a line of suppressing fire, which drops his accuracy to nil.



The second does this crazy move the Floaters have where they can move to any point on the entire map, at the expense of not being able to move until next turn.



He drops right behind Zara.



I fuck up while trying to select Zara, to move him behind the meld canister, and move him one square into the open.

He's probably toast.



Decide to go for a sure-fire kill on the Sectoid rather than try to hit the Floater under cover. If I can kill the Floater with Ted, I might be okay.



PEACE



Ted, meanwhile, can't make it around the bend to kill Zara's future assassin, so he tries to free Mongrel.





FUCK

Hits for just 2 again.



With Mongrel's accuracy at nothing due to the suppression, I use his grenade instead.



Gets the job done but quick.



Zara, meanwhile, stares down certain death.



...and lives WHAT





Zara drops him like yesterday's lunch.







Ted redeems himself with this beauty of a headshot.





Mongrel moves in, grabs the Meld, and goes into Overwatch.



...triggering two ghost squids.

Every mission I've lost so far has been because of these sneaky little shits.

I move everyone up, and put them all on Overwatch, just waiting for these goddamn things to show themselves.



I don't wait long.

Ted shoots and completely whiffs FUCK



Mongrel gets a face full of tentacle.



Zara cleans up the mess.



But triggers the last two Floaters in the process.





We're not in a good position for this.

Ted moves up the ramp and throws his flashbang.







Buys us some much-needed time.

Now all we need to do is fall back, regroup, and strike.



FUCK FUCK FUCK



FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK



FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK



FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK



Ted rushes back down the ramp to get a decent shot and takes the shot.



He kills the goddamn thing with a solid 6-damage crit.



The Floaters take their chance.



Zara whiffs a dubious Overwatch shot through the netting.



ZARA IS DOWN, but not dead. If we can bag these monkeys in the next 3 rounds, he'll survive to fight another day.



Mongrel chooses this moment to freak out, fleeing behind the ramp for cover.



All of our hopes rest with Ted.

I believe in you Ted.















Aaaand that's game.

I've already started a second campaign with a slightly better strategy. I'll go over what's different and how it's going in the next update.

[TedBelmont]

[Niku]

[Mothra]

You fucking monster

[Mothra]

The last of the nations pulled their funding.



Humanity is doomed.

All because Niku missed that shot.

Couple of things I learned:

• Never, ever, ever use half cover. Always make the extra effort for full.
• When you're in a shitty tactical situation, retreat. I never retreated.
• Blow up absolutely everything. If you really want to try for a shot so you can recover/sell the corpse, have a guy there ready to throw a grenade in the likely chance you miss.
• When the squids slink away, wait a turn for them to strike so you can put them down BEFORE they spectacularly ruin the entire mission.
• You need a shitload of explosives for the Terror mission.
• Fuck making an effort for the Meld canisters unless you're 100% positive it's not being camped.
• Smoke grenades actually work if you're under decent cover.
• I need some motherfuckin' lasers.

[Mothra]

> NEW GAME START

Asia, same as before.

I'm skipping about three missions in, to the point at which my soldiers start gaining abilities and all that jazz.



Things are going well in this first month. I've got a satellite in the pipe, which should drop Mexico down to a reasonable level and get me started on the North American continent.

Successfully finished two Abduction missions and one UFO crash site, losing about 3 people in the process. Not bad.



I'm trying for a different strategy this time around in terms of what I research and how I build my base. I normally don't bother with alien containment until I've got a steady Sat network in place, but some reading I did online seemed to think that the blanket drop in panic levels that comes from finishing the Alien Base mission is crucial, and the only way to get the Alien Base mission is to capture an Outsider.

Plus, interrogating a Sectoid cuts Beam Weapon research in half, which is huge. I need that.

Once I get a soldier to survive long enough to make it to Sergeant, I can add an Officer Training School to this biz, which lets me use two more soldiers on the field. I also need that.

(Screenshot is from now, rather than then, so here I've already started working on that thing.)

The Geoscape lights up with three more abduction sites.



I pick the one in Argentina because the panic level there is the worst.





IT'S ON, BITCHES

♬ Mission soundtrack ♪

















Team this time is Angry Beaver, Grath, Healy, and Minty Ant (my little bro).



I send Beaver right, into a decent spot behind a parked car.



Immediately set off two Sectoids. I really should do my first move, then, if nothing has triggered, make my second, rather than doing both moves at once like this.



Another group pops up inside the tavern, and they all scurry into cover.



The first group mindlinks and moves up to take a shot.



Grath takes a whopping 5 damage, but survives without panicking.

I really should have taken this slow.



ANOTHER two Sectoids appear out of the shadows.





One runs inside while the other scampers up onto the roof.



Grath drops the one on the inside.



I move Healy into a better position for the shot, but he triggers an overwatched Sectoid.





Healy takes 3 damage.

I'm playing this mission like an asshole.

Healy takes the shot.





fff



Angry Beaver has just the right angle to hit both of these little shits with a rocket. That's assuming, of course, that the truck detonates the way I need it to.







Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss



Sectoids retreat behind the side of the building.



Then fire off a round at Healy, which misses, thank christ.

Grath returns the favor.









I take a long shot with Angry Beaver, which completely whiffs.



Healy moves in for some sweet, sweet payback.



skdfjklsdf



Minty moves up, but can't fire the same turn he moves, so I switch him to pistol and hit for 1 damage.







By the grace of the Gollops, both Sectoids miss.

I move Grath into the tavern.



The forth and final group triggers on the far side of the building.



Grath gets close to the second to last 'toid on our end of the building.











My little brother completely fucks up an easy shot, dooming us all.





Beaver gets it done for the U S of A.





Aliens at the far end of the tavern take a few pot shots, but we're well out of range.



I move everyone to the back, so we can grab the Meld and wait.



Grath blows his load onto the only girl on the team, healing her for 4 hp.



He immediately turns away, visibly ashamed.

Sounds of alien movement. More then likely, they're advancing.



YEP THEY'RE ADVANCING

Minty is under some pretty solid cover, so the shot goes awry and hits a pole.



He returns fire.



asdkfjllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllljjjjjjjjj

I move Angry Beaver in to finish the job.



Gah!

Sectoids had snuck behind the truck and been waiting, mindlinked.



A miss, thankfully.



Now that she's in position, Angry Beaver takes a shot.



Aaaand misses the alien at the other end of the table. By a WIDE margin.



Grath picks up the slack, as ever, racking up I think his fifth kill of the mission.



Healy blazes it.





Effectively hotboxing the team inside the tavern.



It works!



Minty, now the only sober one on the team, takes a hail mary shot.



REDEEMED



Grath meanwhiles busts another nut under the table, healing himself for 4.





Angry Beaver gets hit for... I think 3. It's not much.



Grath moves up and heals himself again. This is to cut down on recovery time, when the mission's done.



Beaver does the honors.



Beautiful.

[Grath]

Grath blows his load onto the only girl on the team, healing her for 4 hp.

Giggity.

[Mongrel]

Hee hee. Forgot to check this thread and just saw my previous lacklustre appearance.

Somehow, the fact that I was British is incredibly amusing.

Next time gimme the tuque (if I'm that class, otherwise just pick something ridiculous).

[patito]

Can you put me down as a girl in the sunglasses and the headset in some shades of bright red.

[Mothra]

Officer Training School is done! Time to >:0 < HIT THE BOOKS, LADIES

Niku has situated himself as the girl who is seemingly "perfect" at first glance

Brentai is resident yakuza punk/deviant

Mongrel is a talking dog

Healy is the head of the debate team

Grath is class representative



After days of steamy and heated anime drama, the disparate cliques of the team learn to work together like a well-oiled ghost squid. I can now use 5 guys instead of 4 on missions.



My Council Report for the first month is encouraging. A solid A, 225 double dollars, annnd... 1 scientist, and 1 engineer.

:/



Abductions. I go for the highest panic level, in England.







♬ Mission soundtrack ♪





Team is Angry Breaver, Healy, Grath, Niku, and Minty.



Despite my vow to never take unnecessary risks for Meld, I go left instead of right to take an unnecessary risk for Meld.



It is eerily successful. Not an ET in sight until we take the Meld and move up.



Two 'toids trigger and take position.



I take cover accordingly behind some clown's crypt.



Another group triggers behind the large temple thingy at the center of the map.



Our cover is long gone, but they miss every shot.





Healy explosively exhumes the remains of some jagoff's grandparents in order to take out the mindlinked second group without risking a miss.





Two floaters seemingly burst from the ground, leading me to wonder (1) if I have in fact awaken the undead carcasses of those whose grave I just desecrated, (2) what kind of cabbage a ghost corpse would fetch of the black market, and (3) if floaters are in fact nothing more than the floating vengeful spirits of slain sectoids, and further, if those ghosts have ghosts of their own, and further, if the ghost of an alien's ghost could be bagged and sold on the black market for ca$$$$$$$h



Niku drops one of the two remaining 'toids but quick.



Beaver amends for the sins of his forefathers by incinerating the shambling corpses of his forefathers.





Rest in peace.



The remaining sectoid flees...



...and gets a facefull of Grath's overwatch.

He only scores 2 damage, unfortunately.



Beaver whiffs spectacularly.



The final group of sectoids triggers near their wounded ally.

The damaged sectoid returns fire.



Scores a hit on Beaver for 3, but she's still in one peace.



...Until a second hits her from the side, killing her.

I techincally had a lot of chances to kill that second sectoid, but I was chasing it with Niku in an attempt to taze it for later interrogation. It's already cost us more than it's worth.



Grath takes aim on the wounded 'toid.



And finishes him off, at last.



Healy misses a shot on the second.



But Ant drops a grenade on it, soonthereafter.



Niku is finally close enough to try a capture.



SUCCESS



Not great, but not bad.



Grath gets a medal that prevents him from panicking.



Dr. Vahlen is delighted by the live capture. With a sectoid, you get a laser tech credit, which should cut down our research time on laser rifles to a fraction of what it is.



They get to work.

[Niku]

Some sacrifices must be made for my greater good.

[Grath]

Some sacrifices must be made for my greater good.

So that you're better able to eat everyone later?

[Büge]

Hey Boss, got room for one more?

I wanna be the girl in the saucy beret. White seems like a safe colour for armour, right guys?

[Mothra]

We got a landing, right in our back yard.







With Angry Beaver — one of my best soldiers by far — gunned down and buried in a cemetary, I've moved up the next most experienced rook on the team, Brentai.

He's got big boots to fill.

♬ Mission soundtrack ♪





I go right.



After a bit of climbing, I trigger my first group of ET's.



THIN MEN

They are weak as twigs, but holy hell are they good shots. Give them one shot at you under half cover, and you're dead.



They scatter.



Grath works his way along the right hand side and gets a pretty sweet angle on one of these little shits.



Come on, you ridiculous, glorious buffoon...









I let Niku take point, using Run & Gun (move twice, then shoot/overwatch). I'm betting that I can see the two remaining suits, but I find nothing. I have no idea where they are.

Turn ends.



From somewhere out of the woods, Brentai starts taking fire. Both miss.



My turn. Niku moves up, and takes the shot.



F U C K
Y I S



Brentai, emboldened by Niku's success, tries for the second.



Moment of truth...







Minty advances on the left to set up a decent sniper position.

Triggers the Outsider.





Healy follows, throwing smoke for cover.









Turn ends, and hoooly shit, there are three floaters all of a sudden.





With a jolt, they soar out the front door and set up position above Minty and Healy.



The Outsider stays, and takes his shot.







My brother dies horribly.





Healy tries for a rather insane grenade toss, banking it off the top of the UFO and detonating it mid-air, to hit both floatin' floaters at once. It's the kind of thing I'm pretty sure nobody on Earth could actually do on command.



But he pulls it off, reasonable human limitation be damned.

Both take 3 damage. Not enough to kill them, sadly.



Grath finishes off the closest.





Niku moves in, just beside the Outsider.

He could try for a capture, at this range, but the Outsider is at full health, and much like a wild Pokemon, you've got the rough 'em up a bit before you shackle them into slavery/subject them to a battery of enhanced interrogation techniques (i.e. sticking probes into various sections of their brain and beaming them with radiation until they die).



Fuck it.

No chances.



AUTOPSY THIS MOTHERFUCKERS



Brentai makes a bold 55% shot at the remaining weakened floater.



Nails it but good.



Somehow, god only knows how, the third floater whiffs.

Niku moves under for an upskirt snap shot.



And we are treated to our own awkward XCom upskirt of Niku upskirting the floater.



He scores 3 damage, but somehow doesn't kill it.



:|



No problem! Brentai will—



—frragghajkdfhkajsj

Healy picks up the slack.





I love you, Healy.

Grath moves around the far side of the UFO and triggers the final group.





Grath is right there



He stone cold execution-style caps an anemic little alien baby thing in the fucking head



Jesus christ, Grath.



The other two mindlink and move into the UFO.

Niku takes aim.



And whiffs.



The aliens take a way-too-close snap shot back at Niku and flee for the Meld canister.



Grath loops around the side.



mother

fucker



Surely Healy won't



ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff thirty f's





It boggles my mind that Grath squeaks by here without a scratch.



Niku Run & Guns all the way through the UFO and against the log, taking aim for an encouraging 100%



It's wonderful.









Back home, the interrogation comes to a close, and we get our Beam Weapon credit (along with some unsettling details about Vahlen's technique).



Beam Weapons are now 6 days, instead of 16.

We're doing it.



There is one more sectoid corpse in storage when I get back from the lab.

[Grath]

It boggles my mind that Grath squeaks by here without a scratch.

It's the fedora. It distracts them.

[Mongrel]

[distracting intensifies]

[Niku]

My condolences for your brother.

[MintyAnt]

My brother dies horribly.

I think we need to talk about your (lack of) tactical skills, "BRO". Putting me in like no cover whatsoever, in the ship that you know an outside is in, is a GREAT way to melt my face with plasma!

I think in my next campaign my new Assault guy "Mothra" will be sent in to deal with the crysallids at close range. I'll be sure to use similar cover strategy!

Well... at least I died pretty quickly. The way my Brother is going, it's not going to be a pretty end.

I predict the end of this campaign is lots of fire, a healthy amount of Cyberdiscs, and Healy being the zombie that murders everyone again.