XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

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Mothra
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 12:13 pm

MintyAnt wrote:
My brother dies horribly.



I think we need to talk about your (lack of) tactical skills, "BRO". Putting me in like no cover whatsoever, in the ship that you know an outside is in, is a GREAT way to melt my face with plasma!

I think in my next campaign my new Assault guy "Mothra" will be sent in to deal with the crysallids at close range. I'll be sure to use similar cover strategy!

Well... at least I died pretty quickly. The way my Brother is going, it's not going to be a pretty end.

I predict the end of this campaign is lots of fire, a healthy amount of Cyberdiscs, and Healy being the zombie that murders everyone again.

hahahahaha

I have the feeling Healy is going to survive the entire game. The man is unkillable.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Angry Beaver » Mon May 19, 2014 1:51 pm

And I had been doing so well. Avenge me my comrads. Or at least until my name comes up from the bottom of the pile and I get regened into some other mysteriously gendered body.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 1:53 pm

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I get a Council mission to escort some sopping git from one end of a dock to the other.

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The mission was pretty quick and uneventful, so I'll just glaze over the basics.

Mission soundtrack

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Thin Men were the ONLY enemies on this one. Most of them would drop from the sky between rounds and set themselves on Overwatch.

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Brentai blasted away their cover with a grenade...

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...and patito (whom I had not yet swapped out for a girl) picked them off with his sniper rifle.

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Grath scores one of the most brutal fucking headshots I have ever seen.

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Healy scurries up the side.

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yuss

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I believe Niku actually took off his head with this shot.

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Grath whiffs.

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But, everyone else is on Overwatch, so once the Thin Men advance...

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Healy puts them down.

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Patito gets a few choice shots in as well.

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Shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

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It is a complete goddamn massacre.

I love this team.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mongrel » Mon May 19, 2014 2:48 pm

Hahah, the mission was in Toronto.

You guys all came here and no one said hi!
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 2:57 pm

Mothra wrote:Image

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Currently my favorite screencap of the game.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 8:18 pm

Sat network picks up a big, fat, juicy bogey.

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Time to get crackin'.

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Mission soundtrack

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Contact.

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ET starts right in, nicking the interceptor with plasma.

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I score a hit right back.

One miss, one hit each.

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Direct hit.

He hangs in there long enough to get another two shots in.

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The second splashes him.

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Mediums are nothing to sneeze at, this early in the game.

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Good thing I've got my A team.

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Squad this time is Smiler, Brentai, Niku, Grath, and Patito (now a girl).

Doesn't get much better than that.

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Both Meld containers are just... sitting out front, two moves from the drop point, 100% unguarded.

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That's... good...?

We grab the Meld and split the team.

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Smiler, Brent and Grath go left, while Niku and Patito go right.

One turn later, we set off our first group.

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GHOST SQUIDS

Brent's the only one with enough TU's to go into overwatch. So he does.

And we just wait.

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Next turn, it strikes.

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Brentai does the honors.

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4 damage, which is about as good as we can hope for with what we've got.

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Smiler gets facehugged.

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Turn ends.

Brentai gives a knowing chuckle before blasting the horrid thing to pieces at point blank.

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We are given a rare pitcam shot of the kill.

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The second phases in, moving to strike.

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KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT

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It gets its tendril caught in the wall and just kinda hangs off the side of the UFO, like a squatted mosquito left on the wall as a warning to all the other mosquitoes.

Meanwhile, Niku and Patito are making good progress inside the UFO. He goes one step too far.

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Triggering an entire motherfucking group of floaters.

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Shit.

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Rather than run, which is what he should've done, Niku shoots and whiffs.

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Brentai moves into the side door and takes a shot, missing by an embarrassing margin.

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Welp.

Best we can do is throw down some smoke and pray they miss.

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By some spectacular miracle, it actually works.

Against all logic and rational sense, Niku fucking CHARGES them for a capture attempt.

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They're on overwatch, and he's running directly at them.

Down a straight hallway, screaming.

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They completely whiff.

He's in position.

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Smiler tries to come around the side, but he can't shoot his rifle and move in the same turn.

I switch him to his pistol, and for some reason, the game glitches so that his pistol is now his sniper rifle (just, you know, graphically).

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Smiler rattles off three shots, holding his longbarrel sniper rifle like a pistol.

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Missing, of course.

I was hoping I might be able to soften Niku's target up a bit, but :/

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Patito does the trick with a well-placed grenade, dropping all three to 1 health.

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Grath goes for the one in the back.

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Glorious.

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Moment of truth, Niku.

You have a 90% chance here.

taze him bro

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...

shit

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Brentai swoops in, trying for a nade.

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Drops two.

One remains, literally right in front of Niku.

The turn ends.

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He... he flees.

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He flees into the woods.

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We take no chances, and retreat back into the UFO.

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One turn later, our buddy's back.

Patito shoots, but misses. At 50%, that's not surprising.

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Meanwhile, Brent's cornered the Outsider, giving us a prime opportunity to capture it.

We need that thing wounded.

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Lighty wounded, Brentai

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Good, good, just a round or two into the kn—

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FRRAGGHHGHGSFJDHJKSHGK

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Our options spent, and that floater still at large, Grath hotboxes the control room for added cover.

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Brentai hears something.

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Yup. There he is.

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Niku takes his chance.

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don't fuck this up don't fuck this up don't

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fuck

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Grath saves the day.

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By the books.

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Grath gets better, danker smoke.

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Niku gets a thing that gives him better defense, the more enemies he can see.

Everybody gets medals.

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We are white

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hot

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shit

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Esperath » Mon May 19, 2014 8:42 pm

Mothra wrote:Image

We are white

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hot

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shit


So did the animators just set the salute to a fixed height and say "fuck it, tall fuckers can poke themselves in the eye"?
pisa katto

ImageImageImage

pisa katto

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 8:44 pm

They have really weirdly low salutes.

Like, in-eye salutes.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 8:47 pm

I think everybody is high.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Niku » Mon May 19, 2014 9:44 pm

space weed's the dankest weed
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 19, 2014 11:44 pm


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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Brentai » Tue May 20, 2014 12:50 am

I see heads and I gotta shoot 'em bro, sorry.

Is Neil deGrasse Tyson there supposed to be my guy?

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Tue May 20, 2014 7:53 am

I'm actually not sure what your guy looks like under the helmet.

Grath has no 'stache and Healy's a girl, so yeah, I think that guy is you.

Edit: Wait, no, that guy's Smiler, because he looks like Wario.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Smiler » Tue May 20, 2014 2:33 pm

I'm always Wario.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Tue May 20, 2014 3:32 pm

Abductions!

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We go for South Africa, because it gives us engies and we need a dispensa 'eah dispensa 'eah dispensa 'eah dispensa 'eah

Having just bought the second squad size upgrade, we can now roll missions with six guys!

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Mission soundtrack

Team this time around is Ted, Beat Bandito, Niku, Grath, Brentai, and Patito.

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We go right.

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Always go right.

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I send Grath on the roof, anticipating a group in hiding, but it's oddly clear.

He sets up on the far ledge.

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Brentai kicks in the door with his gigantic pink boots, also anticipating a group in hiding.

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Nothin' but squids.

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Everyone who can, goes into overwatch.

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The turn passes with no movement.

Ted moves up, into the grain alcohol.

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Brentai hears something behind him.

I move him away from the register and against the liquor shelves.

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Triggering a group of sectoids, just beyond the window.

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Grath moves in and takes a shot.

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Grath is best soldier.

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Not to be outdone by the class rep, Niku has a go at the second 'toid, hidden behind the police cruiser.

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Shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

We move up for the Meld...

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...setting off the third group.

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One scurries up the gutter and onto the roof, while the other move against the tavern window.

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Brentai whiffs and unlikely shot at the guy on the roof.

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Not to be outdone by the class deviant, Niku completely misses his mark.

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As does Ted.

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And Grath.

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Patito rolls his eyes, and throws a grenade.

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Next turn, there's no sign of the alien on the roof.

Someone's going to have to go up there.

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NOT IT
NOT IT
Not- GOD DAMMIT

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Blessedly, there's nothing up there.

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Brentai rounds the corner and sets up outside the window.

Found the last group.

They run behind the Young Adult section and take cover.

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No chances.

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Turn ends, and the second to last guy appears beside the Spiritual/Religious bestseller display.

Up the roof, Grath's fedora alerts him to the nearby danger.

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Niku rushes in to slide just beside the sectoid...

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...blasting his neon brainmatter across Thich Nhat Hanh's Transformation and Healing: Sutra on the Four Establishments of Mindfulness

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At long last, the squids strike.

I'd completely, 100% forgotten about these fuckers until now.

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Patito takes the shot.

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Hitting for 3!

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It's fast.

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Grath spots it just as it's closing in on Patito, and lets loose a volley from the roof.

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The demons of religious ignorance blind him.

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Turn ends.

Patito get another shot, and whiffs.

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Ted saves the day!

I put the remaining squad members on overwatch, and end the turn.

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We don't wait long.

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Beat Bandito climbs up onto the roof for a better angle, but still whiffs.

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Niku takes a shot from the bookstore window...

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...but it's a miss as well.

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balls

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Ghost Squid slimes Ted for 6, wounding him but not killing him.

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Grath notices that sectoid that used to be on the roof behind the bookstore. He climbs down to the ground level and positions himself to shoot at the squid.

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Niku, meanwhile, tries for a capture, so that we can get another undamaged plasma pistol for later on.

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Success!

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Brentai grumbles something about having to do everything himself as he books it out of the bookstore and takes up position two spaces away from the squid.

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He misses.

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Patito tries a third time.

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Hitting for 2! Better than nothing.

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Beat Bandito climbs down from the roof to stand directly next to the squid.

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And misses.

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Everybody misses.

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Beat Bandito gets a face full of ghost squid.

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Hoo boy.

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Grath misses.

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Patito tries for a forth time.

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BAM

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Ted survives by 1 turn.

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Niku gets an ability that makes him impossible to hit with overwatch.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby TedBelmont » Tue May 20, 2014 7:36 pm


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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby beatbandito » Tue May 20, 2014 7:49 pm

Based off the times I've shown up so far, you hate and want me dead.

Also her proper name is Beat 'beatbandita' Bandit
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Tue May 20, 2014 9:20 pm

I actually am a bit baffled by where you were for that entire mission. You went in with Brent and Patito, then just moved up and up until you missed a few times then got squidssaulted.

On the other hand, you've survived every mission you've been on.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Defenestration » Wed May 21, 2014 4:39 am

You want dead aliens? Put me in, coach.
Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Wed May 21, 2014 4:11 pm

The laser rifles are ready.

I sold the majority of the corpses we recovered from the last mission to finance their construction. I don't have enough money to make more than four of the little beauties, but it should do the trick for now.

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Council mission promises to get me $200 and some sorely-needed engineers. Pretty happy about that.

Friends in Low Places is actually one of three missions from the hastily-released, half-assed DLC pack Firaxis put out a few months after EU released. It contains the very beginning and the very end of a storyline they never really had the time to develop, resulting in an odd sort of low-key start that jumps immediately into you taking down an alien battleship that is hovering over Hong Kong.

Still, I included it in this campaign because it gives a lot of good rewards. Once I finish this one, for example, I'll get to keep the character they introduce, who becomes a high-ranking heavy. Mighty useful.

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I bring the A Team, because I might as well rank them up a bit before the looming Terror mission.

It would help quite a bit to get Brentai or Niku to their third tier abilities when we face off against the chryssalids, and at the very least, getting Smiler Squad Sight or Snap Shot would be huge.

Mission soundtrack

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Team is Grath, Patito, Brentai, Niku, Mongrel, and Smiler.

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Mission is a straightforward civilian escort deal. Every turn, one or two Thin Men drop from the sky and go into overwatch. I then have to pick them off before moving, or else I'll get hit.

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An annoying XCom Escort Mission Quirk (or XEMQ [pronounced "zemqua"]) is that the Thin Men appear one by one, meaning that the first one always triggers everyone you've got on overwatch.

All at once.

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So the first guy will get fucking destroyed, while the second and third land right next to you without so much as a dirty look.

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Wasting a turn, Patito has to stay where he is to splatter him over some swarmy git's gravesite.

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I love these new guns.

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Smiler has to do the same for the third.

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After moving up a bit, we trigger a small group, who scatter.

Mongrel, having already moved, takes a few pot shots with his pistol. It's technically possible to get a kill like this, but it's really rare that you'd do more than 3 damage.

He hits for 2.

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I want to move our male escort to safer ground, but think better of it. If I can kill these guys, I can move him forward instead of back.

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I decide I'm close enough with Niku to try for a capture, and switch Brentai to pistol to soften up the gangly bastard.

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Brent hits for an underwhelming 1.

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Switching Niku to his tazer, I see that the success probability is 85%, which is almost a sure thing.

I go for the capture.

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ooohhh wow.

uh oh.

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It dawns on me that I probably should have had a guy ready to kill this thing in the remote chance Niku failed.

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Niku goes down HARD.

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Patito freaks.

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Escort freaks.

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I make Grath take the shot, but forget he's still switched to pistol.

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I'm fucking this up.

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Brentai saves the day.

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Behind us, another Thin Man drops from the sky.

Smiler has the flank, but he's on overwatch with his pistol, as I had to move him up and can't overwatch with his sniper if he moves.

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He does that goofy graphic-switched pistol-as-sniper-rifle attack for 2.

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But! It's now our turn again, so I have him do another 2 with his pistol, which finishes the creepy wanker off.

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Meanwhile, Brentai kills the second new arrival.

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Turn ends, and we get what amounts to a midboss: a muton! Usually you don't run into these jagoffs until well after the Terror mission.

Were Niku alive, he probably would have died trying to capture this thing.

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Smiler clears the way for us to move ahead. We stick to the far left, as it gives us the high ground.

We're close.

Grath takes the only cover available and fires off a round at the muton.

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Bah.

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Brentai moves up, taking full cover and trying his hand as well.

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Nadda.

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Mongrel moves up and take a shot.

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Hell yeah! A whopping 5 damage! One more like that, and we're home free.

Turn ends.

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Muton lumbers against the wall and nails Mongrel in one shot.

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Mongrel is down, bleeding out, but can be revived by Grath.

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Panictito panics, and cowering behind a grave.

I forgot to screen cap it, but two more Thin Men drop out of the ground, landing in theeee worst imaginable spot: Just behind Grath, just above Patito, and just across from Smiler.

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Smiler tries to take out the one of the left.

I believe in you, Wario.

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ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk

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Grath can either flee, shoot, or revive Mongrel, and have MONGREL shoot.

I rule out running, because both Thin Men are on overwatch, and would certainly hit at this range.

Shooting would guarentee a kill for me, but the other would hit Grath and I'd be down to just Smiler and Patito.

Grath might be doomed.

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I decide my only chance is to have him revive Mongrel, who will then shoot the Thin Man on the left and possibly take the other's fire, at which point he can be revived a second time.

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Come oonnnn...

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MONGRELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Alien turn.

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Muton takes a long shot at Grath.

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It is dead on.

Grath is dead.

Grath is fucking dead.

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Mongrel panics, and flees behind a grave. This is actually the smartest thing he could have done, because it gives him a shadow of a chance at surviving for another turn (as opposed to just standing out in the open).

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The Thin Man on the right takes a shot, and thanks to Mongrel's new cover, he misses.

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We're not so lucky with the one on the left.

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Brentai braves overwatch fire to deliver some payback point blank.

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The muton cooks.

Niku would have loved that smell.

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Patito, his senses at last returned, tries for one of the two remaining Thin Men.

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Moment of truth...

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I hate every motherfucking one of you.

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The second Thin Man moves up, and takes the shot.

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Patito drops.

Only Smiler and Brentai remain.

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Smiler tries for the exposed ET that just gunned down Patito.

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Close, but no cigar.

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I put the escort's head down to give him more defense. It's not much, but it's something.

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FUCK

The Thin Man on the left hits us both with poison, which drops us by 1 hp every turn.

Considering the civilian has 3 hp, that means he has to get to the Skyranger in three turns, or it's over.

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Thin Man on the right takes a shot, and whiffs.

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Brentai flanks him.

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Smiler is now out of ammo.

I could reload, or hit the Thin Man with a pistol, and hope I can hit next turn as well to finish him off.

Considering how I haven't landed my last five shots, I go with the pistol.

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Iiiiiiit's a miss.

Alien turn.

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Thin Man turns around and melts Brentai's face.

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Shit.

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Shit.

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SHIT

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SHIT

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SHIT

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SHIT

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