XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

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Mothra
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XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Sat May 10, 2014 6:45 pm

As promised, I'm starting an LP of my attempt to beat Ironman on Classic for that sweet, sweet final achievement. So very, tantalizingly close to having them all.

For the uninitiated, Ironman mode means you can't save. It just autosaves every turn. Whatever happens, happens. It has been a spectacularly humbling experience, the four or so times I've tried prior to this.

Starting location was Asia! This means half off everything in the Foundry and Officer Training School. I've heard Africa's better, because you get a 30% funding increase, but I'm ALSO gunning for the "beat a game on all continents" achievement that never triggered when I did so with a mixture of EU and EW campaigns. Firaxis didn't exactly knock it out of the park when it came to linking the achievements between expansions.

Current recruits:

(Anyone interested will get a soldier named after them, assuming I have one open. Also: Give me customization requests, like color and hair and hats and such. Options are: Hats, Helmets, Other Helmets)

LET'S GET CRACKIN'

I'm going to skip the first three missions because nobody gets enough XP for a name until those are done.

Current base layout is nightmarishly sparse on thermal vents. I sold everything I had to mine my way to the only available one. I plan on buying a thermal and a sat relay next council meeting.

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I also have EXACTLY 0 dollars. I am desperately hoping nobody involved in the XCom project notices that there is nothing paying for anything. I just bought a medpack for my team with change I scraped out of my car.

Abduction mission in China is first up.

Mission soundtrack

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^ And here we have our first sergeant, Healy. He's the green one. Technically he's a Medic, but the only skill he knows so far is smoke grenade.

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Countless plasma-drenched Code Black disasters have taught me to just ride the lip of the map and come in from a corner, rather than running right in. So it's a-righty we go!

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We make contact as I move my sniper just two squares too far. Sectoids set up inside the tavern.

I can either take a shot, or have Healy throw a smoke. Countless plasma-drenched Code Black disasters (or CPDCBD's, for short) have taught me to never to try shooting at anything with under a 60% chance to hit.

So! Healy blazes up in a parking lot on turn two.

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HOLY SHIT THAT ACTUALLY WORKED

Healy's purple haze just saved our asses.

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Annnnd that's all taken care of! Sectoid in the back was mindlinked to the one who took the shot, so he goes down as the one behind him fries. Trying to keep from blowing them to smithereens when I can, so I can have my way with their corpses and sell them to the highest bidder, as is custom for my people.

I probably should have taken a picture of that sweet explosion but I DIDN'T. I'll remember to do that more.

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As I moved my sniper into place at the side of the building, the man triggers TWO MORE groups. I am 100% fucked.

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Sectoids mindlink and move up to take a shot. But! They spent all their TU's getting there, so the turn ends.

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Therrrreee we are!

The second group hides behind that truck on the far right, so I move Healy into the tavern to try to pick him off. In hindsight, I should've just retreated and overwatched. Good to get these things figured out with sectoids, though.

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Healy scores a miraculous hit, and takes it down.

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Another moves in to take its place.

By the car, further down, the sniper takes a hail-mary pistol shot on the sectoid that was mindlinked to the one I incinerated.

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He scores a crit, and kills it. Pretty delightful.

Aliens' turn!

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Healy takes one right in the fucking kisser. Somehow, he squeaks by alive with only 4 damage. He's now at 3/7.

My turn, sniper takes a shot...

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...whiffs spectacularly.

I move Healy onto the roof for a better angle.

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Come on you fat fuck...

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ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff thirty f's

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Healy takes another fucking 2 damage a LIVES.

He returns fire.

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Aaand misses.

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Heavy moves up, throws a grenade, blows it to pieces.

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Healy hotboxes the Skyranger en route to base, as is his way.

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Brentai
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Brentai » Sat May 10, 2014 8:32 pm

DO ME I WANT TO DIE

What are the customization options? I technically have this game on PS3 maybe I should just crack it open and look, eh.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Sat May 10, 2014 8:59 pm

Brentai wrote:DO ME I WANT TO DIE

What are the customization options? I technically have this game on PS3 maybe I should just crack it open and look, eh.

Hats, Helmets, Other Helmets

I swear to god if everyone picks the fedora

Colors are pretty much anything. If unspecified, I'll put them on military-standard green.

Armor technically has variants, but most look pretty crappy except for the new ones, so I'll pick those unless you've got your heart set on something.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Grath » Sat May 10, 2014 9:56 pm

Mothra wrote:
Brentai wrote:DO ME I WANT TO DIE

What are the customization options? I technically have this game on PS3 maybe I should just crack it open and look, eh.

Hats, Helmets, Other Helmets

I swear to god if everyone picks the fedora

Colors are pretty much anything. If unspecified, I'll put them on military-standard green.

Armor technically has variants, but most look pretty crappy except for the new ones, so I'll pick those unless you've got your heart set on something.


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... In hot pink.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Brentai » Sat May 10, 2014 10:15 pm

In that case I pick the fedoWOOOOAH THERE'S A HELMET THAT MAKES YOUR HEAD A SKULL

I WANT SKULL HELMET

IN HOT PINK

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Sat May 10, 2014 10:20 pm

Council of shadowy investors just busted a nut over my performance in the first month. Somehow, I'm doing amazing.

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I got 350+ professorland funbux, which I blew immediately on a Sat Network, two Scopes (+10% aim), and an eighth of dank kush for Healy. Then realized I didn't even have half the money I needed to make that Thermal Generator, which costs 200, so I just spent the rest on a satellite. Looks like I'm going to be selling everything I can get my hands on to get up to 200 this month.

More abductions. I choose South America because their panic level is the highest (I really do not need 4 scientists, but ┐('~`; )┌ w/e)

Mission soundtrack

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I go right, because it never has and never will fail me.

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Expected to run into some ET's around the Meld canister, but nadda. I move into the back of the truck to set up my sniper.

(Little exploit here: I switch Sniper to pistol, move him, put him on overwatch, then click back onto him, and switch to the sniper rifle, so that if he returns an overwatch shot, it'll be with the rifle)

I move my new assault gurl onto the back of the truck and things get hot 'n heavy:

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Overwatch triggers!

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Awww dogg on a hogg doggs, it's about to get s—

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—sssfffFUCK I hate this sniper.

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Sectoid shimmies up the gutter and onto the roof, mindlinking with the one around the bend.

The other two link, and the frontrunner takes a shot at Heavy.

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Misses, just barely.

The forth moves up and triggers my OTHER Heavy's overwatch.

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good shootin' bro

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Mindlinked sectoid moves onto the roof, putting him in an unsettlingly good position.

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I take a shot with Heavy.

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♪ MURDER WAS THE CHARGE THAT THEY GAAAIIVE ME ♬

The attached sectoid behind the dumpster gets the feedback from the severed link and his brain explodes. I don't know how I know this but I know for a fact that this is how I'm going to go out in real life.

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Sniper takes a shot on the remaining sectoid. He's got pretty much the perfect position for this.

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ffffffffffffffffaskjdfsdafj

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I move Assault Gurl up and take out the one in the alley, then bring my Heavy around the bend to flank the one the Sniper missed.

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It is delicious.

I move everyone into the loading area, but find nothing. I bring Assault Gurl and Heavy into the far side alley and trigger two horrific two cloaking tentacle monsters.

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They vanish

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And then strike, one turn later.

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Assault Gurl, of course, is the one who gets strangled.

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Sniper takes a shot from around the bend, and miraculously scores a hit!

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I scour the map for a few turns, looking for the other one, before realizing that my only isolated soldier is the Heavy on the roof.

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I bolt Assault Gurl up there just in time.

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Sweet, sweet revenge.

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I finally find the last two sectoids, who scurry into the apartment building.

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I briefly consider just having the Heavy blast them all to shreds, but I'd like to sink my arm up to the elbow into the spewing guts of these corpses on camera and then sell the resultant mess to eccentric Japanese billionares (currently the lone pillar of incoming XCom funding) (well this plus whatever change is in my car)

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It's a bit of a gamble, but everyone scores direct hits.

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Nicely done.

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Let's hope they're all that clean.

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I give that one heavy who kept scoring hits two medals: one that makes him never panic, and one that gives me +5% defense for every enemy in sight.

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I give a completely undeserved medal to the Sniper in the hopes that its +2 aim bonus might do something to fix... just, all of this *gestures toward all of Sniper*

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Assault Gurl gets the other No-Panic medal, which I imagine she doesn't really need considering she was strangled by a robotic ghost squid and seemed to think it a minor inconvenience.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby TedBelmont » Sat May 10, 2014 10:48 pm

Mothra wrote:
Brentai wrote:DO ME I WANT TO DIE

What are the customization options? I technically have this game on PS3 maybe I should just crack it open and look, eh.

Hats, Helmets, Other Helmets

I swear to god if everyone picks the fedora

Colors are pretty much anything. If unspecified, I'll put them on military-standard green.

Armor technically has variants, but most look pretty crappy except for the new ones, so I'll pick those unless you've got your heart set on something.


GIMME SOME SWEET SHADES

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby beatbandito » Sun May 11, 2014 2:52 pm

If we're just doing codenames, 'beatbandito' is a cursed helmet possessed by an evil alien lich werewolf who was betrayed by a cyber warlock. The one on helmets2 before the skull.
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Sun May 11, 2014 3:38 pm

Not much to do now but wait on those satellites.

I pass about three days before the geoscape lights up about a UFO landing in what I'm pretty sure is the Ukraine.

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Healy's out of the med bay by this point, so I put he and both Heavies on the team, along with a generic rook.

Assuming everything is recovered intact, the sale of the UFO reactor and nav computer should be enough to get me the $200 I need for that Thermal Generator.

Mission soundtrack

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As usual, I go right. Never done me wrong!

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Eerily, I don't run into a single ET between the Skyranger and the first Meld container. I set everyone up, and move the rook to grab it.

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Which sets off the first group of sectoids, who scurry behind the flight computer (ruling out a rocket strike if I want that thing in one piece for the black market).

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Aaand an Outsider. Hoo boy.

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Nameless Heavy has a decent angle on the Outsider from his position behind an overturned log, and takes a shot.

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Miss, but he tags it with Holo-Targeting, which gives everyone else a +10% chance from here on out.

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A second ground of 'toids triggers, retreating to the far side of the UFO. Looks like I'm in it now.

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Flight Computer sectoids mindlink and take a pot shot at Heavy Who Would Be Grath.

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I have the option of moving Nameless Heavy up, or hitting something with a rocket. I dimly remember the second group of sectoids hiding behind a door on the far side of the UFO, but I can't remember which.

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I try for the closest one.

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Nothing. Waste of a rocket.

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Rookie digs in and takes a shot at the sectoid behind the Elerium Generator. He scores a hit, but it only does 2 damage. He somehow hit a sectoid dead on and didn't kill it.

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Nameless Heavy has a decent angle on the Outsider, and fires. He hits, but it isn't enough to kill it.

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Healy has a far better shot at the mindlinker than the mindlinked. He shoots...

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...and whiffs.

Alien's turn.

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Miraculously, Healy squeaks by with a miss. Half-cover rarely is that effective.

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And again! The man is good luck.

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This one actually hits Nameless Heavy for 6. Putting him at 2/8.

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My turn again. I move Nameless Heavy up and take a shot at the Outsider.

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It misses.

I decide I'm getting nowhere from this angle. I'm going to have to flank them.

Grath moves to the next down down on the left.

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He triggers an overwatch on the way over, but luckily, it misses.

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Aaaand he triggers two ghost squids.

I have now triggered every enemy on the map.

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Rook takes a shot at Flight Computer Sectoid.

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SUCK IT

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Its mindlinked brother's head explodes in the most wonderfully satisfying way. He gets a promotion for that.

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Grath tries to mop up the remaining visible sectoid.

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~Awwwww yeaaahhhh~

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Healy can take a 30% shot, or blaze it. The man blazes it without a second thought.

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Buys us some good cover.

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Third sectoid of the second group has moved up to the reactor, taking the place of the one who's brain exploded.

He shoots, and misses, thanks to Healy's purple haze.

Things are going well.

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OH CHRIST I FORGOT ABOUAHAGGHGH

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Rook is being strangled, and Outsider moves out of the middle of the UFO to the side, threatening to flank my troops.

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I've got a perfect opportunity to wipe out almost all of the remaining sectoids from the angle my Heavy's at, leaving only the wounded Outsider and the Seekers.

I line up the rocket with Nameless Heavy.

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IT MISSES SAFLLLLLLLLLLLLLKJJASLDKFJDSALFJLSFDJ

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Healy takes a shot at the Seeker, but falls one damage short of a kill. Gets it off, though.

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Grath fires, and whiffs.

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Alien turn, Grath takes a load of plasma right in the kisser.

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Grath is DOWN.

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The Rook, having just watched Grath's head explode, panics and flees to hide behind a rock.

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This triggers the sectoid's overwatch.

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He's hit! But he's alive. Down to 1 health.

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Nameless Heavy sees the Rook panics, and panics.

Farmost 'toid sees his chance, and takes it.

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MISS

You lucky shit.

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...Okay maybe not so much. Outsider scores a direct hit on the poor bastard.

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Healy returns fire, misses.

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Sectoid moves up, kills Nameless Heavy.

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We're down to Healy.

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He dodges two rounds of plasma from the sectoid and Outsider, then moves behind the Outsider.

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Puts him down.

A flutter of hope washes over me.

I can do this.

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Sectoid moves up, but he uses all of his TU's getting there.

He's wide open for next turn, and I've got good cover.

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Oh god no

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NOOOOOOOOO

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I should have just blew it all to pieces.

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I should've run.

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They're all fucking dead.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Esperath » Sun May 11, 2014 4:38 pm

pisa katto

ImageImageImage

pisa katto

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Grath » Sun May 11, 2014 4:49 pm

Nooo! How could they see me in my hot pink fedora and armor in the middle of a forest? That's perfect camouflage!

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby zaratustra » Sun May 11, 2014 5:23 pm

can i be brazil guy

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Mothra
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Sun May 11, 2014 5:48 pm

zaratustra wrote:can i be brazil guy


k

Also: Anyone that dies gets put back on the list for later reassignment. There's basically an Imperial Army-style system where you get a name when the guy ahead of you dies.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Mon May 12, 2014 10:48 pm

It's happened.

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LET'S DO THISSSS

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I managed to order three soliders in the nick of time. The forth was a Support solider who was healing.

Squad is:

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  • Brentai (Bright Pink, proud member of the Skull Club)
  • Beat Bandito (Helmet, dark blue)

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  • Smiler (Wario)

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  • Niku (Pink, asian, white hair)

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Considering the fucking nightmare that went down last mission when I went right, I decide to go left this time.

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Everyone fortifies behind this sturdy truck, and I send Beat Bandito out to scout.

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Hooo boy. Immediately, we trigger the chryssalids, who run into the building and trigger two floaters.

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Who trigger two more floaters.

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The second group moves to flank the squad. I'll need to move, or overwatch and hope they're dumb enough to fly into view.

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The clutch of chryssalid scatters, with the alpha heading STRAIGHT for B. Bandito.

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B. Bandito retreats, falling back behind the truck, while everyone else moves into overwatch for the coming nightmare.

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The chryssalid moves, and Brentai takes the shot.

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It is a solid-ass hit, doing 4 damage. Two more like that, and we're good.

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Smiler gets another 3 damage in, leaving it at 1/8.

Niku this is all you.

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Please do not

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oh

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uh oh

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Niku's chest cavity is torn clear open as the chryssalid rams its ovipositor down his throat.

The man has been ruined for marriage.

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Brentai understandably flips the fuck out

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He flees to the front of the truck.

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Immediately triggering the floaters, who gun him down like a dog.

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Smiler takes the shot.

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In a moment of pure horror, Niku rises from the fucking grave

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He shambles over to B. Bandito and DEVOURS HIS BRAIN

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Smiler is all that's left.

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jesus fucking god in heaven

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no

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NOOOO

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AAUUGGHGHGHG

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It's over.

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Turn four.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Niku » Mon May 12, 2014 11:06 pm

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Brentai » Tue May 13, 2014 2:00 am

Oh man my guy looks perfect. Just imagining all the other dudes in the choppah looking at me and just going, "Ugh."

Of course, he's dead now. You'd think a Brentai would be a little more used to watching alien rape.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Tue May 13, 2014 6:43 am

Assuming I survive this month's council report, everyone's names go back into the rotation.

Argentina has already pulled thier funding due to that little incident with the all everybody in the city of Cordoba dying thing, buut I'm doing well otherwise. Might have garnered enough good will to make it past two Code Black missions in a row.

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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Healy » Tue May 13, 2014 9:59 am

Can I be a girl next time? Also I would like a baseball cap hat.
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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Mothra » Tue May 13, 2014 11:49 am

Healy wrote:Can I be a girl next time? Also I would like a baseball cap hat.


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Re: XCom Ironman: All Y'All Gonna Die

Postby Smiler » Tue May 13, 2014 1:43 pm

How dare you kill me, Wario.

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