Truthiness! (Onion, Clickhole, etc.)

[Thad]

Welp, there goes the theory that the panel section would be better if it were longer.

Jesus fuck that was excruciating.

The government shouldn't be able to mandate vaccinations but the private sector should? Do you understand that you are advocating GIVING STARBUCKS ACCESS TO PEOPLE'S MEDICAL RECORDS, YOU IDIOT? And that's without getting into the rather obvious point that the "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign on the door is A GOVERNMENT MANDATE, FOR PROTECTING PUBLIC HEALTH. No, please, let's nobody follow up on this point. Lady in the downstage left chair who is the only person who seems to know what the fuck she's talking about? You don't get to talk.

Oh, hey guy upstage left. You wouldn't call yourself an anti-vaxxer but you don't like the idea of putting a disease into your body to develop an immunity to it? THAT'S WHAT A FUCKING VACCINE IS. IF YOU ARE OPPOSED TO PUTTING A DISEASE INTO YOUR BODY TO BUILD UP AN IMMUNITY, YOU ARE, BY DEFINITION, ANTI-VACCINATION. No, please, nobody point this out. Let's get on to the next thing.

Of course, some of the blame goes to selecting Twitter as the medium for the questions, with all the vagary and lack of elaboration that entials. Somebody asks a question about whether "ppl" who don't vaccinate their children should face some sort of punishment, and people on the panel asked questions like "What are you going to do, fine them? Break their legs?" Well, I don't know, maybe charge them with child endangerment or neglect. Nobody thinks of that? Not even Larry or the Paul McGann-looking executive producer of the show? I can see how that thought might not occur to them; they haven't covered that subject on their show since TWENTY-THREE-AND-A-HALF HOURS AGO.

Fuck me running.

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to get my first round of allergy shots.

[Grath]

Jon Stewart addressing the internet reacting to the news that he's retiring as if he died was pretty great.

[zaratustra]

Oh, hey guy upstage left. You wouldn't call yourself an anti-vaxxer but you don't like the idea of putting a disease into your body to develop an immunity to it? THAT'S WHAT A FUCKING VACCINE IS.

home-made vaccine movement

[Thad]

Artisinal!

[Mothra]

Jessica Williams responds to fans regarding the possibility that she might take over for Jon:

[Thad]

She IS young, and it IS a big undertaking (a whole lot more than just sitting in the chair and reading the teleprompter; Jon's clearly running the whole show here). But she'd be a great choice nonetheless. Her segments have been a real breath of fresh air.

[Thad]

Last night's Wilmore was really good! AND he dropped Keep It 100 from the panel segment. Granted, he put another silly stump-the-guests game in there instead, but I think it was a better one.

[Mongrel]

Education Win: This Amazing School Is Streamlining Its History Curriculum By Combining All Of The Founding Fathers Into A Single Composite Character

There is only one founding father, and his name is Richard Independence.

[Thad]

And then sometimes Larry picks a good topic and can apparently only find one person who knows anything about it and fills the rest of the panel with people who shouldn't be there.

At least Cheadle asked good questions (and was the only one to challenge the "first death in 68 days" claim).

[Thad]

So Bee and Jones are leaving The Daily Show. Which makes it increasingly difficult to see anybody from the current cast taking over as host -- Williams has already said she doesn't want it, and I like Mandvi and Klepper but it's hard to picture them running the show.

I don't see any of the part-time folks (Black, Hodgman, Schaal, etc.) giving up their regular gigs to do Daily Show full-time, either.

As far as former cast members, well...obviously it's not going to be Carell or Colbert. Oliver's got two more years on his contract with HBO, and I'd rather he stay there anyway. I guess they could move Wilmore up and give somebody else The Nightly Show, but I don't really see that happening. (What's Cenac up to these days? It WOULD be funny if he and Wilmore wound up taking over for Stewart and Colbert like the joke after Obama was elected.)

Likeliest, though, is that it's going to be like Corden taking over from Ferguson: somebody nobody's even talking about.

[nosimpleway]

George Zimmerman takes vacation to Ferguson to shoot black kids, gets arrested.

[Grath]

George Zimmerman takes vacation to Ferguson to shoot black kids, gets arrested.

Or does he? No, this story originated in the National Report

[Mothra]

Wonder how much money these fake news sites pull in from ads and whatnot

[nosimpleway]

Aw damn, I got Onioned? Boy, is my face red. (Move to Truthiness thread at your leisure, mods.)

[Mothra]

Aaaand done.

[Thad]

Welp, looks like it won't be Cenac, because Cenac is starting his own Daily Show-like show.

[beatbandito]

So now that there's practically a network for comedy news entertainment news ... whatever this genre is called news shows is called and Jon Stewart is leaving, how much longer until Fox News stops using The Daily Show as a blanket to cover any stories that conflict with their own reports?

j/k I know they never will

[Mongrel]

Clickhole: Go Ahead And Treat Yourself To Some Saccharine Dogshit

This article isn't just crying on the inside, it's moaning piteously and holding a gun to its head.

[Thad]

Trevor Noah is taking over The Daily Show.

I like the three segments he's done so far, but...he's only done three segments. Seems like a pretty odd choice -- though apparently he actually has experience as a talk show host, back in South Africa.

We know Jessica Williams said she wasn't interested, but man, Noah had to be pretty far down the list of people they offered it to. My best guess is that they DID offer it to Bee and/or Jones but they'd already finalized their respective deals with TBS by then.

But Noah's sharp and funny and provides some international perspective. I think he'll do a great job.

Plus, as both a black man AND a foreigner, he's REALLY going to piss off Fox News.

[Mongrel]

Onion: Rand Paul Facts