Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

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Friday
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Oct 07, 2016 7:21 pm

It's easy to get real stressed out about this, but unless you're absolutely terrible you aren't likely to ever run out of Effigies, and even if you do, There Are Ways.


I've resigned myself to play at 75% hp with Ring of Binding equipped. Using consumables is for FAGGOTS
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Oct 07, 2016 10:31 pm

PART 2: FRIDAY LAUGHS AT A BLOODSTAIN THAT SHOWS FIVE PEOPLE ACCIDENTALLY WALKING OFF A CLIFF AND THEN IMMEDIATELY WALKS OFF THE SAME CLIFF

alright now that PURSUER is dead, lets find out whats behind him

oh cool my first greatsword and heavy armor set that's real fuckin' nito

REQUIRED STR: INFINITY REQUIRED DEX: INFINITY

what the fuck dark souls I'm putting all my points into stam so i can swing this fucking bastard sword more than twice without having to lie down for 10 minutes

HEY A BIRD NEST HAHA MAYBE IF I CURL UP INTO A BALL EVENTUALLY A CROW WILL COME AND -- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

what the fuck this giant is casting a fireball giants can't cast fireballs and if they do you don't roll a d20 for damage it's d6 per caster level you fucking show get it right and Demogorgon isn't a monster, he's a fucking Demon Prince and I found him and killed him in the Baldur's Gate 2 expak but that wasn't the best option because now he's free back in hell hmm we're getting a little off track here I'ma go back to town and level up

"try tongue but hole" LEVEL UP!!!

let's explore the cathedral that seems pretty rad

oh hey it's heide's tower of flame

*stands and looks at scenery for 10 minutes*

wow these giant knight guys are ASSHOLES

holy shit the smaller knights are even BIGGER assholes

HEY IT'S A RING OF BINDING THANK FUCKING GOD I CAN PLAY WITH MORE THAN 50% HP NOW

WOW THESE KNIGHTS ARE GAY AS FUCK WHAT IF I BOUGHT A MACE AND UPGRADED IT TO +3

*knights now die in 3 light hits instead of 4 heavy*

strike 3, you're out

get it

cause I'm using a strike weapon

DRAGON???????

I'M ON FIRE

CHARGE DRAGON

wow uh

Dragon you need to work on your close-up game

NOW THAT I LOWERED THIS IMMENSE DRAWBRIDGE THAT LOOKS LIKE THE BOSS FIGHT LETS GO THE OTHER WAY INSTEAD THROUGH THIS OTHER FOG DOOR AND--

*boss fight*

what the fuck game

ok the last boss was a real dick, so I'm gonna be really careful and VICTORY ACHIEVED

uh ok

Dragonrider more like Pinwheel. Rider.

WELCOME TO DEADMINES

YOU LAND LUBBERS ARE TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT

I'LL HAVE TO THROW A MILLION ZOMBIE DOGS THAT ARE GIVING YOU CAPRA PTSD AT YOU

holy shit torch bro

what's up torch bro

yeah you're gonna follow me around that's cool are we looking for those invisible guys that only cast shadows in direct light? oh no you make these fucking assholes scream and run away

*brofist*

"Merchant ahead, therefore wheel"

uh what, that's a random message to see on the --

hahahahahaha

HEY YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A TOOTHED SERPENT TO ME, BUT I'M STILL GONNA FEED YOU ALL THIS HOLLOW INFANTRY ARMOR SHIT I HAVE TEN COPIES OF PER SLOT

"Wheels and deals glug glug glug"

holy shit what why are you not the meme flag-bearer of the franchise what is this praise the sun shit

SHIPS IN TO DOCK

SHORTCUT OPENED

hey i found one of those un-petrify things

wonder what i should use it on

DINNER TIME BBL
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:10 pm

PART 3: FRIDAY FORGETS TO UPDATE AND PLAYS A SHITLOAD SO UHHH HERE ARE SOME HIGHLIGHTS INSTEAD OF A BLOW BY BLOW

wow i fucking hate harvest valley you poison fog bullshit cock shit nice tits though *slow zoom in*

WOW THAT PYROMANCY BITCH JUST ONE SHOT ME nice tits though *slow zoom in*

Earthen Peak: haha you hated the poison in Harvest Valley? hahahahahahahaha

Me: shutup your dudes don't even have heads

Dudes without Heads: SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER

Pate: i'm your friend, again, maybe

Creighton: DUDE PATE IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BY THE WAY DON'T TALK TO THE MAP GUY ABOUT ME I'M TOTALLY NOT A SERIAL MURDERER

WELCOME TO UNDEAD PURGATORY

HERE IS YOUR COMPLIMENTARY HORSE PULLING A DEATH CHARIOT

Straid: hey i used to be stone but you saved me haha hehe ha he ha he ha i have boss weapons

me: are they any good

Straid: well uh they can be if you --

me: so that's a no, k bye

me: i wonder what the boss of this zone is, I see a lot of messages about skeletons, maybe it's a giant skeleton

WELCOME TO SKELETON PARTY

Where it's always skeletons, 24 hours a day

HEY IS THAT MY OLD BRO ORNSTEIN HOW YA' DOING BUDDY

Ornstein: man fuck smough that guy was a dick

"woman ahead and then tears"

*loots notched whip*

heh heh

Wow this area sure is foggy, I hope somebody who is invisible doesn't come up behind me and backstab me

Wow this area sure is dark, I hope ten million statues don't poison me

Wow this area sure is on fire with lava and everything, I hope Knights with katanas don't slice me in half and later shoot giant arrows at me while larger knights with laser katanas shoot homing arrows at me while I tightrope over lava

Okay I'm going to go kill a boss now

OH GOD THAT BUG JUST CRAWLED INTO YOUR BRAIN

EMBRACED A GREAT SOUL

one down, bitches

now lets check out this Belfry Luna place I wonder if

Dwarf: I'M INSANE

me: no thanks?

YOU HAVE BEEN INVADED 10,000 TIMES TRYING TO RING THE BELL

me: whooooooooaaa this guy is fucking teleporting around WHY AM I TAKING DAMAGE *swing blindly at nothing*

INVADER VANQUISHED

*shrug*

NAKED DUDE TWO HANDING A ZWEIHANDER HAS INVADED YOUR WORLD

me: uh oh

Naked Dude: *bows*

me: *bows*

Naked Dude: MY ZWEIHANDER SHOOTS LIGHTNING

me: my +6 claymore has a good moveset?

Naked Dude: *backstabs*

YOU DIED

Naked Dude: *weird emotes*

me: *rings bell*

me: oh hey this fight is like the bell gargoyles ok so I should expect another --

HELLO WE ARE FIVE GARGOYLES

me: u gotta be sht me

next time on: Friday posts about dark souls 2 and nobody reads it: Friday finally finds armor better than Drangleic? maybe? what the fuck is this shit game
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Mongrel » Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:22 pm

I dunno about you guys who've played DS, but these posts are actually really fun for someone with ABSOLUTELY ZERO CONTEXT or knowledge of DS at all.

Like, instead of playing Dark Souls, I want to play whatever game it is that Friday is playing, which I assume is made entirely of internet response .gifs and Yaketty Sax is the main background music.
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:43 pm

I think turning Dark Souls into memes is more of a defense mechanism than anything else, I mean, I know every popular game gets 10,000 memes but it's important in Dark Souls because otherwise it's just a giant army of skeletons murdering you.

which is pretty rad by itself! I later looked up the mechanics to that fight annnnnddd

Well it starts with Three Skeleton "Lords" who all have varied movesets and weapons/spells, and each time you kill one, they summon a huge army of skeletons. I didn't know that and focused them all down first, so I played with

MAXIMUM SKELETON PARTY MODE

activated. Fun fight.

But seriously, those tits. *slow zoom in*
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby François » Sat Oct 15, 2016 11:32 am

I can't speak for much of Straid's inventory, but I got decent mileage out of the Giant Stone Axe, and the Shield Crossbow gives you extra margin of error when you're trying to clear out multiple snipers from a distance.

The pyromancer ladies can drop their "armor" set, but the drop chance for the chest piece specifically is incredibly low. The dev team knows what it's doing!

Friday wrote:MAXIMUM SKELETON PARTY MODE


I really like it when games have slow, heavy weapons that are not always strictly worse than quick, light weapons, and the Skeleton Lords sure as hell delivered on that account when I pulled out my God-Damned Greatsword and cut through skeletons like a kid breaking a rack of icicles off an overhang by running alongside with his arm outstretched.

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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby malikial » Sun Oct 16, 2016 11:41 pm

Straid's inventory can be really good. No bullshit you can oneshot bosses with Flame Swaithe if you build right.

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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:07 am

So Wow it's been awhile and I've been playing a ton!!!

SO PART 4(?) OF THIS MEMETASTIC SINGLE LINE SHIT THAT NOBODY CAN COMPREHEND WHO HASN'T PLAYED THE GAME AND ALSO THE PEOPLE WHO'VE PLAYED THE GAME ALSO CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT: Friday is too lazy too look up what part this is

THE HIGHLIGHT REEL

alright so I guess it's time to actually start killing those great ones lets see where to next

how about down this giant hole

*slow pan over to my slow motion winking face with waggling eyebrows*

OH LADDER GUY YOU'RE HERE NOW? THATS COOL I'M GOING TO PUT ON THIS RING THAT'S SHAPED LIKE A CAT AND SOME JESTER TIGHTS THO

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa thunk

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thunk

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thunk

hey rats

more rats

wow that's a lot of rats

hey a boss fight! maybe it'll be a giant rat!

(boss fight is a lot of rats)

<Friday> :|

sure I'll join your weird rat covenant you fucking weirdo

what do all these pharros contraptions do

oh

WHATEVER LETS GO FURTHER DOWN THE HOLE

*slow pan again*

hey this area looks a lot like blighttown hahaha

hah

hah.

hah. ...

ARE YOU SHITTING ME

OH MY GOD THE STATUES ARE SPITTING POISON AND IT'S PITCH BLACK

WELL I CAN SEE A BONFIRE OVER THERE SO I'LL JUST HEAD THERE AND--

*floor drops out beneath me*

<Friday> oh dark sols ur such a kiddur

-TEN YEARS LATER-

wow so all my weapons are broken now

I am now gnawing on enemies to kill them

HEY A NEW ZONE MAYBE THERE WILL BE A FUCKING BONFIRE

oh thank god

<Dark Souls> so u thought Earthen Peak was bad as far as poison goes eh

<Friday> well at least you're not also having insane teeth monsters jump out at me from black pits and throwing like ten npc invaders at me in a row

<Dark Souls> DARK SPIRIT EARTH FAIRY DUDE WITH A HUGE FUCKING PENIS CLUB HAS INVADED YOUR WORLD

Well that was a fucking ordeal what's down here oh a bunch of messages saying despair

Hey a pair of giants

-Elsewhere in the Universe-

<Alien in space in a spaceship> Holy shit dude, bank left!

<Alien 2> WHOA WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DID THAT CLUB COME FROM

<Alien 1> Sensors say The Milky Way Galaxy, The Sol System, Earth, Drangleic, The Black Gulch!

<Alien 2> Well christ since we're literally moving at the speed of light away from that galaxy as the universe is expanding and we're 10,000,000,000 galaxies away from that one, those clubs must have some fuckin' range on 'em!

<Friday> *gets hit*

hey whats this key do

oh you can backtrack and open all those doors that were locked cool

oh some bullshit

oh some bullshit

oh some pots and poison spitting asshole statues oh there's a corpse with an item in one of those pots i bet it's more bullshit

*loots*

IT'S HAVEL'S TIME MOTHERFUCKERS

hey whats this boss i bet he's gross

<The Rotten> ya i'm pretty gross do you like giant knives

<Friday> yes?

<The Rotten> how about vomit

GREAT SOUL EMBRACED

whats this shit behind the primal bonfire oh is this some dlc shit OH MY GOD A DRAGON ITS ASLEEP RUN AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

NEXT TIME: FRIDAY GETS INVADED

*slow pan, eyebrow waggle*
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:14 am

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Legion's Older, Uglier Brother who got pissed off at all the vampire puns instead of dental plans and moved to Drangleic but then fell in a hole and said "fuck it, lets make ten million poison spitting statues and put them fucking everywhere"
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Sun Oct 23, 2016 12:59 am

PART FIVE: FRIDAY LOOKED UP WHAT PART THIS IS

Previously, on Dark Souls:



<Friday> what's up guyyyyyyyyyyyyys and welcome to another post by me, your eternal brosister Friday, don't forget to like and subscribe!

<Reader> *skips ahead several lines*

<Friday> so last time on Friday plays Dark Try Tongue But Hole we went down into the big but hole in Majula and dbajfbgasoifnwobgfouwa

<Friday> dfbhsuigfabsolifb4ewo

<Friday> dhaoifghasoiifgaw

<Friday> and if you want to support me on patreon you can --

<Reader> *continues skipping ahead*

<Friday> here is a badly inserted vine meme

<Friday> and that's why Rem is the best girl fuck all the haters but I will accept Crossbreed Priscilla or That Bitch at The Bottom Of Blighttown With The Cleaver as second best

<Friday> MOM I CAN'T I'M WRITING MY LETS PLAY NO I CAN'T IT'S A CLAN LETS PLAY

fuck it lets do this shit

TO THE SHADED FOREST

haha when I hit this tree it makes a funny noise

*backstabbed*

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP BACKSTABBING ME

*plops head over shoulder*

"cause it's easy. ... and it does a lot of damage."

oh hey we're out of the mist thank god my poor but hole

so what's up with this area Shaded Ruins huh

<Pot> hahahahahahahahaha

jokes on you pot I'm already at maximum hollow so you can't curse me I haven't used a single human effigy this whole game because remember USING CONSUMABLES IS FOR FAGGOTS

<Giant Manscorpion> "..."

oh I remember this I need to give you humanity so you feel better sorry about killing your sister

jk i need a ring

<Manscorpion> I want you to kill my sister

uh you mean your wife

<Manscorpion> yeah yeah shit what'd i say also my name is Tark

oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit like Black Iron Tarkus??!!?!?

<Manscorpion Tark> I dunno all the lore is so vague

<Cat back in town> hahaha Seethe was a faggot

alright lets unpetrify some of these statues of Lion-O

BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULLLLLL, I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE THEEEEEEEE POWWWWWWWWWWWW--

wrong show idiot

<Nice Ass Bird> thanks for rescuing me i have boss weapons i live just up the road in brightstone cove tesla

<Friday> nice ass

<Nice Ass Bird> thanks

DARK SPIRIT <name that cannot possibly be an NPC> HAS INVADED YOUR WORLD

OH SHIT IT'S MY FIRST REAL INVASION OUTSIDE OF A PVP AREA IT'S A REAL PERSON WHAT DO I DO

OH SHIT THERE SHE IS SHE'S WEARING CASTER GEAR

SHE'S WAVING AT ME

I KNOW I'LL RUN DIRECTLY AT HER

YOU DIED

alright whatever time to fuck up this boss

oh hey it's a naked chick with a scorpion for a butt HOW ORIGINAL

brb opening my monstergirl porn folder

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd screenshot

thanks for the souls bitch

<Friday> hey Tark man I killed your wife or whatever

<Tark> thanks here's a piece of wood

alright what's up with this next zone Doors of Pharros huh is this gonna be like a maze with a bunch of contraptions and shit

hey a huge elephant with a sword

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd screenshot

YOU ARE BEING SUMMONED AS A GREY PHANTOM

<Friday> wat

<Ratbro sitting on ledge above you spamming poison magic> You got 99 problems and all my traps are active so uhhhh you're gonna die

<Friday> *has no idea what is going on*

<Friday> RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNING

<Friday> hey a ladder

<Friday> hey it's that bitch IS THAT THE SAME BITCH WHO INVADED ME JUMPING LEAP ATTACK ROLLING MAGIC DODGE POISONED USING ITEMS SLASH SLASH SLASH

CLAYMORE+10 YOU HAVE SERVED ME WELL DO NOT FAIL ME NOW OW OH GOD A FLYING SAWBLADE

<Friday> *wins somehow*

<Friday> wat

TO THE INTERNET

oh shit ratbros eh alright

*proceeds to purposely hang around to get summoned, and now that she knows what's going on, loses every encounter*

whatever lets see what the boss is

OH THERE YOU ARE, GIANT RAT

<Rat King> you fucking traitor you left our covenant between posting this shit

ok whatever you're still a weirdo

MOVING ON

hey it's Brightstone Cove where Nice Ass Bird said she'd be also Pate who maybe is my friend lives here

*Resident Evil 4 jokes*

you guys are so bad at being spiders no really

so

many

spiders

<Black Headcrab Infected> hey

<Friday> what are you doing here you belong in the half-life universe

<Black Headcrab Infected> i got bored

<The Duke's Dear Freyja> I'M THE BIGGEST SPIDER OF THEM ALL

<Friday> well gee

<The Duke's Dear Freyja> IMMA FIRIN' MAH LASOR

GREAT SOUL EMBRACED

Next time: let's finish up Iron Keep where men with long kata--

<Friday> hey what happened with Pate and Creighton I never met them

TO THE INTERNET

oh haha i have to go back to earthen peak and finish pate's shit there

OKAY

OKAY BACK HEY THERE YOU TWO ARE

I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT I'M ENDING IT IF YOU KEEP STABBING EACH OTHER I'M TURNING THIS CAR AROUND

<Pate> but moooooooooooom, creighton's a serial killer and i'm your friend, maybe

<Creighton> I'm going to fucking kill you, Pate!

<Pate> moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom

<Creighton> HE KEEPS TOUCHING ME

<Pate> ADDITIONAL STEREOTYPICAL KIDS IN BACKSEAT BEING FAGGOTS

ARE YOU TWO USING CONSUMABLES BACK THERE

*kills Creighton because Pate is maybe my friend*

<Pate> thanks here's a key to a room with some chests that are totally not booby trapped i swear hehe haha hehe haha hehe OH MAN THATS GONNA LEAVE A SCAR

<Friday> you have to wait till I open the chest and set off the trap before you say that last part

<Pate> my bad

NEXT TIME: let's finish up Iron Keep where men with long katanas vigorously thrust them into my flesh
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:05 am

DARK SOULS 2 DOWN

ALL DLC CLEARED

ALDIA CLEARED

DO YOU EVEN PRAISE BRO
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:23 am

Alright, so I'm gonna do a thing I've been thinking about for awhile! I'm gonna...

Rank the bosses!

That's right folks, and if you disagree with my personal opinions, feel free to call me a faggot post your own thoughts call me a faggot! That's pretty much half the reason I'm posting this, to generate discussion! (The other half is because I'm addicted to making lists)

This list will include both bosses from Dark Souls 1 and Dark Souls 2, and will include both the top 5 best, and top 5 worst bosses! Maybe I'll make a modified version of this after I clear DS3!

Please note that before we get started, I am not nearly as triggered as the rest of the community by "copy-paste" bosses or "ganksquad" bosses, so my top five worst bosses isn't just going to be Dragonrider x2, Skeleton Lords, etc.

Let's start with the fifth to worst boss!

(Please note that this has nothing to do with how difficult the bosses were)

WORST BOSS NO. 5:

Bed of Chaos

So this is the boss that the director actually apologized for, eh? Well, first off, I don't think he needs to apologize for fucking anything, he made an amazing game and it's okay that not everything in it is good. But while I'm including this boss in the top 5 worsties, I hardly think it's really that bad. What, people didn't like the instant death pits? I guess they're kinda annoying, yeah. And the run back is fairly long, too. But overall I'm only including this boss on the worst list for how soon it was over and how anti-climatic it was. The source of all demons in the universe, this horribly mutated terror-shit, is... a bug?

And that's after the entrance which is grand as fuck. Look at the link, that thing looks horrific and defies your attempts to even understand what it really is, as befits a mutant creature that spawned all demons.

Still, pretty bad design. I don't think Director-san needs to apologize for it, or for anything, really, unless it was for the number 1 entry on this list, but we'll get to that.

BEST BOSS NO. 5:

Dragon Slayer Ornstein & Executioner Smough



FRIDAY YOU'RE ONLY PUTTING ORNBRO AND SMOUGHBRO AT NUMBER FIVE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKER I WILL KILL YOUR FAMILY

Calm down. I know the general consensus is these guys are the pinnacle of game design or something, and while I did really like the fight! it didn't really "wow" me like it did everyone else. I mean, shit, I'm including them in the top five out of probably like 70 bosses so, they did impress me plenty. I beat them solo-melee LIKE A MAN, so don't give me any "you didn't play the game right then," shit, either.

All in all a fight that requires patience to bait Orn into charging you so you can hit him a few times, then roll frantically away as Smough comes in to wreck your shit. Once Orn is down, Smough powers up, but he's so fat that you can just call him names until he dies.

I know that killing Smough first makes this fight waaaaaaaaay harder, and results in SUPER ORNBRO, SLAYER OF PCs, and maybe doing that would make me love this fight more? I doubt it, though.

Anyway A+++ would put nipples on my armor again
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:35 am

WORST BOSS NO. 4:

Old Iron King

Welp, the main thing about this fight that first needs to be said is this:

I didn't fall in the hole.

People have complained about this guy basically being a "knock you into the lava" simulator, and they're right. But that's not what makes me dislike him. Frankly, he doesn't even really feel like a Dark Souls boss. Bed of Chaos feels like a weird puzzle that's trying to murder you, but this guy literally feels like he was flown in from some other game. His attacks have huge, huge, HUGE windup times, he leaves his arms on the platform for 10 years after every attack, and his MIKURU BEEMU shit just feels weird for the series. I know other bosses have BEEMU attacks, but this guy spams them probably more than anyone who isn't a two-faced spider. All in all, weird and boring. He's pretty easy, too, though that doesn't matter. He did manage to knock me into the lava when he was at 1% hp, so good for him.

BEST BOSS NO. 4:

Chaos Witch Quelaag



Oh, is there a naked spider girl I don't love?

Vomit lava on me more, it's so moe.

I loved this boss both visually and mechanically. Her moves are all telegraphed but are varied enough to keep you on your toes. She can hem you in with her lava vomit if you're not careful, and be sure not to get hit by her aoe "I'M GONNA EXPLODE!!!" attack, unless you want to do the fight over again.

Bonus points for the reward for beating her being ANOTHER NAKED SPIDER GIRL.

10/10 would have sex with and then let her eat me again
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:56 am

WORST BOSS NO. 3:

Moonlight Butterfly

lol i spam magic and fly

So this fight goes one of two ways:

1. You're melee. You dodge one of two possible attacks for an hour. It lands. You wail on it mindlessly for a while. It takes off. You dodge one of two possible attacks for an hour. It lands. You wail on it mindlessly for a while. It dies.

2. You're a caster or a dex/bow build. You shoot it while dodging one of two possible attacks. I guess you can also summon that NPC witch and watch her shoot it while you dodge one of two possible attacks.

It IS a pretty fight, though, and I liked the music. Still, mechanically, this fight is fucking garbage. When the Old Iron King is a more interesting fight, you've got problems.

BEST BOSS NO. 3:

Artorias the Abysswalker



Such a rad fucking fight, with such an awesome looking dude, with such awesome lore. Artorias, otherwise known as Sir Jumps Around A Lot, isn't really the hardest boss, but he's quick, fair, and hits hard. Manus is a lot harder and also really cool looking, but a lot of his attacks, especially the fucking dark magic spam, felt really unfair and rng.

Artorias suffers in no department. He's only not number 1 because the other two impressed me even more.

In conclusion, I'm sorry for killing your wolf the game forces me to to complete it otherwise I'd spare Sif like I spared Crossbreed Waifu-illa
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Nov 04, 2016 9:08 am

WORST BOSS NO. 2:

Zallen and Lud, The King's Pets

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

If you click the link you'll notice that instead of two cats, it's a picture of a HORSE because YOU ARE GOING TO GET FUCKED BY A HORSE while running in the SNOW both WAYS upHILL in the SNOW while a HORSE FUCKS YOU as you RUN BACK TO THE CATS but you die on the way because A HORSE IS FUCKING YOU

The boss fight is just another patented Dark Souls 2 "lol, what's harder than one of this boss? TWO OF THIS BOSS?!?!?! lolollololol ok DONE lets get lunch" lazy design. That doesn't trigger me as hard as some, as I said previously, but what really makes this such a fucking shitshow is the fucking run back. By far, bar none, the worst run back in the entire series (unless DS3 has something REALLY FUCKING GAY in store for me) makes you literally run for 5 fucking minutes, through a blizzard, while horses spawn and fuck you.

Fuck this fight. Fuck it fuck it fuck it. Oh, and the reward for killing the cats? A shitty sword and shield that are far, far outclassed by other options.

BEST BOSS NO. 2:

Gaping Dragon



WOW. What a fucking reveal the first time you fight this guy. The single coolest, most amazing looking boss in any game I've ever played. The fight itself is pretty basic, with just getting out of the way of this huge monster and then wailing on it. Artorias is by far the more engaging battle, but Gaping Dragon makes it to the number 2 slot by just being so goddamn visually impressive. The Depths was my favorite area in Dark Souls 1, and this guy being the crown jewel just cements my feelings on the matter even more.

We're almost done! Can you guess what number 1 worst and number 1 best will be? If you said "Pate and Creighton" you're wrong because they're not bosses! Also if you said "Pinwheel" you're wrong because he's not a boss, he's an ultra thin tissue.
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Friday
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Fri Nov 04, 2016 9:23 am

WORST BOSS NO. 1:

The Capra Demon

If you've been reading this shit you know how this guy almost made me quit the entire series! He's actually that fucking bad! Long run back, followed by near instant death within 10 seconds of walking through the fog door!

Repeat x1783490 times until you are literally dead in real life from screaming all the air out of your body!

In retrospect, I only suffered so much because I was playing completely blind. If I had known about poise, or the stone armor set and how to get it, those fucking dogs wouldn't auto-stagger me, which would have led to a much easier fight. Still, the arena being so goddamn small and placing him so early in the "correct" progression of the game makes him into one the most infamous newbie killers in the series. And I certainly fell victim to him. Once his dogs are dead, he's not really that threatening, but man, I still have nightmares about my sword clipping into walls.

Anyway, yeah, Director, if you're gonna apologize for a boss, apologize for this piece of shit. God I hate this boss.

Fuck you, Capra. You almost made me miss out on this wonderful series and you're really smelly and loud and your dogs are suffering from neglect look how thin they are you monster

BEST BOSS NO. 1:

Sir Alonne



WHAT IF ARTORIAS WAS A SAMURAI

but seriously, all the good points about the Artorias fight with better music and a tougher, but completely fair challenge. The run back is hard, but not overly so, which adds a good amount of penalty and frustration for dying without FUCKING YOU WITH A HORSE.

Sir Alonne has good lore and man, it really hits you finish the fight and see the humble throne. You're not in Alonne's memories, are you?

The fight itself is a fucking masterpiece of combat design. Alonne's attacks are relentless but perfectly dodge-or-blockable. The fact that his unblockable impale attack actually powers him up for the rest of the fight REALLY makes it scary and important to roll out of. His AI is also tuned to instantly punish you if he sees you heal and he's not in recovery from his own attack, so don't try to get any free Estus off when you've got distance, unless you like Katanas inside of your body.

Also his armor looks rad as fuck and I 100% got all of it to wear myself.

Alonne, you will live forever in my heart, along with your sword because you put it into my heart when I tried to use an old radiant lifegem

That's all, folks! You may now call me a faggot tell me how much better DS3 bosses are.
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Imperisaurus Rex
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Smiler » Fri Nov 04, 2016 10:37 am

Bed of Chaos works a lot better as a coop boss because you all get to split up and then you laugh at your friends when they get owned.

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beatbandito
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby beatbandito » Sat Nov 05, 2016 7:23 pm

Man, Friday. You were making me feel like finally giving DkS2 DLC a chance (bought it on sale after 3 dropped) then half the bosses seem to be the worst, then one boss seems to be the best!

Mixed messages!
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Friday
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Friday » Sun Nov 06, 2016 7:47 am

Luckily, you can just skip GET FUCKED BY HORSES because it's pointless and hidden out of the way anyway.

Overall the DLC was really good. Hard, but very well designed, especially compared to the main game.

In other news, I started Bloodborne 2 Dark Souls 3 and boy can I tell the people who made Bloodborne 2 Dark Souls 3 just recently got finished making Bloodborne!

I mean, it's not a bad thing. But the combat certainly plays a lot fucking faster!

Game is gorgeous as fuck.
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Hardly Ideal
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Re: Brave Soul, Who Fears Not Death

Postby Hardly Ideal » Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:53 pm

So, I just met Patches in the Tomb of the Giants.

Patches (paraphrased) wrote:Hey there, new friend! I think I see some treasure at the bottom of this corpse pit! You should take a look! *sinister giggle*


I can't be the only one who unceremoniously kicked him over the edge, right?
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