Starcat Battlebutt

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Friday
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Starcat Battlebutt

Postby Friday » Thu Jan 21, 2016 1:05 am

okay so I've actually had this game since Christmas, but I didn't want to post about it until I had a good amount of time played under my battlebutt.

BUCKLE UP BOYS, IT'S FRIDAY'S SPECTACULAR REVIEW OF THE LATEST AND GREATEST IN EA'S BID TO MAKE SO MUCH MONEY THAT THEY CAN TAKE OVER WYOMING!

First, lets get some theme music to listen to while you read because I am just that considerate of a poster! That's right I'm really cool and you are not as cool because you don't provide appropriate thematic music to YOUR POSTS like some sort of CHUMP



Star Wars: Battlefront: Pros and Cons

Pros:

* Aesthetically beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, fantastic, and every other word you can think of. The graphics are amazing. The sounds. Oh god the sounds. Everything sounds crisp and clear. You will want to stick your head into your monitor so you can suck the dick of the noise your blaster is making.
* NO SERIOUSLY THIS GAME IS FUCKING AMAZING IN TERMS OF THE SOUND AND THE GRAPHICS. I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE. I WILL FILL IT WITH JELLO. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY BUT IMAGINE YOUR HOUSE FILLED WITH JELLO I GUESS?
* You can date a skeleton
* wait no that was something else
* The gameplay is pretty good meh whatever

Cons:

* I PAID SIXTY BUCKS FOR 12 MAPS AND THEY WANT ME TO PAY 50 MORE FOR A BULLSHIT SEASON PASS?!?!?!!111 yep, welcome to EA. Okay, but seriously, I've played like 50 hours so I got my money's worth. You probably won't, though, because of the following:
* You don't know what's going on and then you are dead, the game
* Starting at level 1 and not having any powers/guns/star cards/traits and then you are dead.
* Haha you don't even have the jetpack yet FAG GET BOWCASTER'D
* Spawn. Run forward. Hey, a guy. Wait, no, that's a team mate. What does the blue dot mea -- HAHA FAG GET BOWCASTER'D
* What the fuck does this UI mean? Christ, if I could just find someone to shoot. Oh I was shot from behind and died.
* Alright, this time I'll -- HAHA FAG GET BOWCASTER'D
* What the fuck, there's like 9 game modes but people only play Walker Assault? Well I guess some people also play Blast and Turning Point, the new map on Jak -- HAHA FAG GET BOWCASTER'D
* Man, I wanna be the heroes! How do you be the heroes? Oh it's a powerup? Oh I guess people camp it then. Wait, no, it actually spawns at random so it's impossible to camp. But I've never even seen a hero powerup, so how do I -- HAHA FAG GET BOWCASTER'D
* Friday, what the fuck is a Bowcaster and why do you keep -- HAHA FAG GET BOWCASTER'D
* okay yeah that joke was super obvious and I saw it coming, I bet now you're gonna do a Guild you bisexual cunt bitch fuck cock dick
* Xbox
* HEY ARE YOU BORED OF THAT MUSIC YET? HERE'S ANOTHER ONE



* SICK FRIDAY I LOVE SHADOWS OF THE EMPIRE DID YOU EVER BEAT IT ON JEDI MODE?
* yep also on Hard which is actually harder believe it or not
* WOW YOU'RE SO COOL
* thanks
* WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME
* can we get back to the review
* OKAY COOL SO THAT'S A MAYBE
* But seriously, this game can be very frustrating and is probably not worth your money/time unless you are a crazy masochist who is willing to climb a huge learning curve/wall while HAHA FAG GET BOWCASTER'D happens over and over again.
* also the DL-44 is overpowered
* isn't that Han Solo's gun?
* yep
* can you use a greedo skin
* yep
* so when you shoot a player using the greedo skin with the DL-44 can you--
* yes and I always do
* so i heard you can pilot an X-wing
* yeah i guess but fuck that noise I'm terrible at it so I just stick to ground combat
* will EA/DICE ever nerf the jetpack/bowcaster combo?
* probably not, so HAHA FAG etc
* waaaah i finally got the hero powerup but died instantly
* stick with your team retard
* but i was darth vader
* more like darth runs ahead of his team and gets killed like a retard, retard

CONCLUSION: I cannot recommend this game in good HAHA FAG. It's overpriced for how many maps you get and the gameplay is fairly repetitive and my god you die a lot, especially early on, which leads to not having any fun. HAHA FAGS are everywhere and they will instantly kill you. You will be sniped. You will be shot from behind. You will be killed by a random tie fighter. You will be killed from behind, the side, and both the side and behind at once. But if you have DETERMINATION you can climb that wall of learn to play gud and eventually start dishing out some pain yourself. Nothing feels better than running up to a bunch of Stormtroopers and Force Pushing them all to death as Luke.

FINAL SCORE:

I give this game 6 HAHA FAGS out of 10 Guilds.

* i knew you were gonna do it you fucking bitch
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