Friday's Ultimate Vanity Project: 100 Games, 100 Reviews

[Friday]

21. Katana Zero (PC)

This is a weird one.

First, it's a weird one because I really wanted to actually advance it a spot to the 20-11 tier. But I looked at all ten of those games above it and couldn't justify swapping any of them for KZ. But here's the thing, I actually do consider KZ to be better than the rest of the games in this tier. So maybe consider this game an in-between entry, or tier 2.5 (compared to the 20-11 tier 2, the 10-1 tier 1, and the 30-22 tier 3.)

Secondly, it's a weird one in that just like EV Nova, it's probably a pretty obscure, lesser known title. I'd be willing to bet that most of you could easily name 7 or more of the games to come, based on what I've talked about on this list already and by looking at my top ten list I wrote a few years ago. There are some conspicuous absences, is what I'm saying.

But Katana Zero isn't a game you've probably ever heard of, much less played.

So what is KZ? to put it the most simply, imagine the gameplay of Hotline Miami (fast, furious, everything is a one hit kill and you respawn instantly) only instead of guns and topdown, it's a sidescrolling playformer and you're a guy in a bathrobe with a katana. And the ability to slow down time.

Unlike other games that allow you to do this (Dead Eye from the RDR series, Slow Motion from Max Payne) the time-slowing aspect isn't just meant to represent your avatar's combat skill level through a gameplay mechanic. In KZ, the time slowing thing and even the fact that you respawn when you die is an actual canon game world thing.

See, you, the eponymous "Zero" are on a drug called Chronos. Developed by the government and given to super soldiers to win a war set before the game's timeline, this drug not only allowed the soldiers to experience time at a vastly delayed rate compared to their enemies, but also allowed them to have a degree of precognition, travelling forward into an engagement, dying repeatedly and trying again until they found a path through the carnage that worked.

So when you die, you simply return to the start of the room, "that won't work" appears, and you try again. Now, most of the soldiers on this drug have only a limited ability to utilize this skill, leaving them as ferocious but not invincible. Soldiers were given ratings for how well their systems adapted to the drug, and guess what, you're the only one who has the highest rating.

Of course, the drug has side effects. Really, really bad ones. Becoming unstuck in time, for example, or trapped forever in a loop. And the thing is the drug is super addictive and withdrawals slow time to a crawl, leaving those unable to acquire more of it dead in real life but trapped forever in their own minds from their own perspectives.

Oh, and the government banned production of the drug after the war because it was super dangerous. So there's not much of it left. And they don't give a shit about their veterans.

You work as an assassin for a mysterious organization in return for more of the drug. Your employer seems to be intent on destroying the criminal element that has begun to manufacture Chronos, but of course, nothing in this game is what it seems to be.

To call this game's plot a "mindfuck" would be doing it a disservice. I don't remember how I first learned about this game, but I think I saw some gameplay footage and went "wow, that's my jam, that looks like Hotline and I love me some fast paced ultra violence" but what I wasn't expecting was a storyline that would effect me so much. I stopped keeping track of what games I consider "art" on this list, but this game is one of them.

Do I recommend this game:
If you can stomach the difficulty, yes. Go in blind. If you're not a fan of games that force you to live-die-learn repeat, then this game isn't for you.

Gameplay: 8.5. The enemy types are varied and the level design is top-notch. Everything is fast and brutal and one mistake will cost you your life, but respawns are instant and checkpoints are common. Slowing time to reflect bullets with your sword back at the shooter never gets old.

Experience: 8.5. The dystopian world and the mind-fuck of a plot really got to me in a way that a game hasn't gotten to me since Undertale. Sure, I played RDR2 between those two games and RDR2 has of course overall the better characters, but RDR2 is more of a straight up classic story, not one that fucks with you and keeps you guessing.

[Friday]

Alright, we've reach the BIG BOYS section of the list. From now on, the games represented here are just shy of being on my top ten. All of them were considered, and ultimately cut in order to make room, but that doesn't mean these games are anything other than masterpieces of design. We're going to see a lot of familiar faces, of course, but also maybe a surprise or two.

So, here we go. Tier, up, 20-11.

[Friday]

20. Super Metroid (SNES)

If LttP was a vast improvement and expansion of Zelda 1, then Super Metroid is a fucking nuclear bomb of an upgrade.

The original Metroid is an important work that paved the way for a lot of other works. It had good ideas and a lonely, alien atmosphere punctuated by eerie, discordant music but sloppy and poorly executed design. Like the original Zelda, you had to bomb every brick, and unlike Zelda there were required secrets that did not have hints. You couldn't hold ice and wave beam at the same time, meaning you had to choose between them and if you wanted to swap, track dow their in-game location and pick up the powerup. Instead of saves, you had a horrible infamously bad password system. There's no automap, forcing players to make their own. It's a game that was too advanced in concept for the limitations of the hardware and the skill at which the devs could get around those limitations at the time.

This is not to say that Metroid is a bad game. But it's not on this list and honestly I would be surprised to see it on anyone's top 100. It's simply too held back by its flaws to achieve true greatness, and while it plays okay if you have a guide open, I would say that it's probably safe to say it's the worst game in the entire Metroid library.

Super Metroid learns every lesson Metroid taught us, fixes every problem, and innovates on the formula in a way that surpasses... well, pretty much anything else. Secrets are signposted. Visual clues, context clues, and if all else fails the X-ray scope aid you in finding each and every useless missile upgrade because you already have 150+ but you're going to 100% the game damn it. You can hold and combine every beam (except Spazer and Plasma) and turn them on or off at your leisure. The password system is gone. You've got a handy automap, so well implemented that it's been hard copied in basically every single metroidvania to come afterward.

It's basically impossible to oversell this game. It's the genesis of Metroidvanias as we understand them, and every single one after this is aping directly off of it to this fucking day. And none of them have reached that height. None. I might like SotN more than Super Metroid, but only because I like gothic vampire fantasy shit more than Sci-Fi. And also because SotN is a hot mess and I love me a hot mess.

Super Metroid isn't a hot mess, or even a cold one. It's not messy in any way shape or form. Every single gameplay element and piece of level design is made to teach you something about the game without ever resorting to text. The game is carefully crafted to lead you bit by bit, ever so slowly, down an inevitable path to the final confrontation with Mother Brain. Oh sorry did I say inevitable? Yeah just kidding this game literally invented sequence breaking.

If you know what you're doing, you can break this game right the fuck in half in terms of how you go through it. And the crazy thing is, with the exception of the mockball, it was all intended by the devs. Hell, they outright TEACH YOU how to walljump and spineshark mid-way through the game. But those techniques are never required outside of the areas you learn them in, so a stubbornly basic player who refuses to use advanced movement tech can still make their way through.

If SM has a flaw, I'd say that it's probably a bit too easy if played casually, much like SotN. Samus has massive energy reserves and enemies drop health nearly constantly. But eh. I don't think it needs to be any harder. Later Metroid games like Fusion would address this issue by making bosses much more challenging. Super Metroid is a great enough game with more than enough great ideas that I'm more than willing to look over the fact that it's difficulty might be a tad less than perfect, and hey, if you're going to error in that way, it's better to error on the easy side.

SM retains the alien isolation feel of the original, especially in the early game before you wake up the planet by getting morphball. The whole game lives and dies on the "show, don't tell" axiom of storytelling. With the exception of the recap at the start, the game contains no text. No computer AI telling you where to go and what to do and what power ups you're allowed to turn on. It's just you, the planet, and a missing baby metroid.

Do I recommend this game:
The only people who shouldn't play this game are the ones who just absolutely despise platformers. SM has some tricky jumps and if you're not a fan of that kind of thing, yeah. Otherwise pretty much everyone should play this game.

Gameplay: 8.5. Starting at 10, I don't like backtracking. Yes, even metroidvanias eventually figured that out and added waypoints to get around faster, which SM lacks. -1 off. I don't like that it's too easy. -.5.

Experience: 9. Cold, lonely planet. Wrecked ghost ship. You can save the animals, and it's canon that you do.

[Friday]

While we're on the subject, I know I'm glossing over the middle stepchild of both franchises, Zelda 2 and Return of Samus. Both are games that deviated from "formula", (which didn't exist at the time and only applies in retrospective) Zelda 2 more than Return. And both games are better than most people think they are. But the third entry in both series was clearly an iteration on the first, with Zelda 2 being a permanent dead end and Return's ideas not being followed up on (in a way) until Fusion.

[nosimpleway]

If you want Super Metroid But Harder you can try the romhack that's the exact same game except every room is rotated 90 degrees, so vertical climbs become hallways and hallways become climbing sections.

[MarsDragon]

I didn't like Super Metroid as much as I quite expected to, but that's mostly down to really not liking how Samus jumps. I realise it's all carefully crafted and such, but I don't like it. And on a fundamental level I like double jumping more than high-jumping.

I don't regret playing it, it's just that if I have a choice I'll go back to SotN first.

[Niku]

I definitely feel that after all this time, SotN just feels better to play and I’m more likely to go back to it. But good god there was nothing quite like settling in to Super Metroid in 1994 without really knowing what you were in for.

[Friday]

19. Dark Souls (PC)

Dark Souls is actually pretty easy to describe to someone who has never played it: it's very much like every game ever made after it. So just look up when Dark Souls 1 was released, then look up every game released after that, and play them all. You'll very quickly understand what Dark Souls is all about.

Dark Souls can best be described as dying at all, ever, in any videogame. That's Dark Souls. If you have ever died in any videogame, you were playing Dark Souls. The only games that are not Dark Souls are games like Stardew Valley or Animal Crossing or whatever. Games where you cannot die and they're just pure sandbox experiences with no challenge beyond self-imposed ones. If a game presents you with any obstacle, ever, it is Dark Souls.

I was once playing Ninja Gaiden 2 and I was having a blast playing a precise twitch action platformer, but then I died and I realized that actually I was playing Dark Souls. Likewise I was playing Civilization 4 and an enemy took over one of my cities and I lost progress and I was like "holy shit, this is actually Dark Souls." Even when I was making ek3, I finished making a room, playtested it and was like "oh no I fell into that trap and accidentally made Dark Souls."

Do I recommend this game:
I mean does it matter? If you've played pretty much any videogame you have already experienced what Dark Souls is, so.

Gameplay: * It varies from game to game, but we can all agree Dark Souls happens the moment you die.

Experience: * Likewise varied. Some games are pretty cool about how Dark Souls or not Dark Souls they are but if you take anything away from people who talk about videogames it's that every fucking game ever made is like Dark Souls so.

[Friday]

19. Dark Souls (PC)

Alright fine GOD FINE GOD we'll actually talk about Dark Souls

I played all three of these games in order within one year and at the time my favorite was 2 because I am a huge weirdo, but now that they've settled in my mind I think my favorite is actually 1. It's got the better atmosphere, the better story, and the better designed world. Plus, the metaphor for depression. I won't touch on that beyond saying that there is a reason the game forces you to climb all the way out of Blighttown.

There's a reason everyone went nuts over this game. And it's not just because it's hard (and it IS hard, and anyone who tells you otherwise is being a fucking moron) but because it put forward something new. A fully realized new concept not only in gameplay but in gameworld. The somber ruin of a wrecked land floats all around you as you plumb its depths for treasure. Darkness and gloom and hopelessness radiate directly into your eyeballs as you traverse endless crumbling towers filled with unkillable undead.

But you are also given purpose. Determination isn't just what the player needs to win, it's canonically what the Undead Champion (the player's avatar) needs to win. Lose your purpose, your determination, and you become what you have been killing: A Hollow, a mindless, undying husk that exists only to kill. Tellingly, not all the hollows you encounter in Dark Souls are hostile. Some just sit, silently, against a wall. Some are in attitudes of prayer. Some smash their heads against stone endlessly.

The threat in Dark Souls isn't death. Death is a part of the world. You cannot die. The threat in Dark Souls is giving up. It's in putting the controller down. I experienced this personally when I ran up against (and ran up against, and ran up against) the boss of The Depths, Capra Demon. I came this close to putting down the controller (well, keyboard and mouse in my case) and leaving this game series behind me forever. But thanks to some encouragement from my INTERFRIENDS I went once more back into that hell and emerged the other side of it.

That's right. If anyone ever tells you anything other than what I'm about to tell you, they're wrong. Dark Souls, at its core, is about overcoming seemingly impossible challenges. And the only thing you have on your side, the only weapon in your arsenal, is your own personal level of Determination.

The gameplay is excellent. Enemies are relentlessly evil and dangerous and mistakes cost you. It's an action rpg like, say, Kingdom Hearts, but slowed waaaay down and made tactical as well as twitchy. Sure, roll-dodging through boss attacks is about reaction, but most challenges in this game can be overcome with careful play and a slow, plodding advance. You will need to work on those rolls, though, because if you plan on overcoming this game's hardest challenges without resorting to summons, you will need to be able to roll through attacks.

But if you need them, the summons are there. Either grab an AI buddy (Solaire!) or an actual player to help you with that boss you've been stuck on. Again, depression metaphor. Your friends are there for you when you need them. Your path is hell, and while they cannot walk it for you, friends can help you when you're at your lowest.

There's a ton more to talk about with Dark Souls gameplay systems. Humanity, invading, lore, weapons, stats, scaling, whatever. I'd be here all day and ultimately they're just dressing over the core concept: Your own determination against an uncaring and dark world.

Do I recommend this game:
Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyes. No. Yes. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnn --

Okay look, Dark Souls isn't for everyone. It's not even really for most people. Most people want to play games to wind down and have a good time with. Dark Souls is not about that. Dark Souls is about suffering and then overcoming that suffering and feeling that rush of accomplishment like you just got a promotion at work.

Gameplay: 9. The combat is deeply satisfying, and mistakes are heavily punished. Lots of viable options on how you build your character.

Experience: 9. *Vaatividya voice* It's good, folks. Bonus points for letting the player ignore all the lore if they want to. Oh, and to date this is the only game that tricks the player and doesn't reveal it tricked you. I mean, you can find out that people are tricking you on your own, but the game isn't going to tell you itself.

[mharr]

Keyboard and mouse? I thought the Souls series was console controller native and forever closed to we who speak only WASD. Is there a specific port that doesn't demand thumbstick literacy?

[Niku]

the best dark souls in terms of world, gameplay, and aesthetic is unfortunately forever locked to the ps4

(also it's the only one i've played but that's why bloodborne is the best)

[Friday]

Keyboard and mouse? I thought the Souls series was console controller native and forever closed to we who speak only WASD. Is there a specific port that doesn't demand thumbstick literacy?

Dark Souls 1 - 3 are all on Steam, but I still rec using a controller if you have one. If you hate controllers (or can't get one to work, like me) you can muddle through with a custom setup for your keyboard/mouse controls, but I had problems because of it. The games were designed for a controller; Bloodborne (which is a PS4 exclusive) was so much easier for me to control it wasn't even funny.

DS1 used to require a patch called DSfix, the version they have on Steam for DS1 is now the remastered version, I don't know if it still requires the patch.

[Friday]

18. Final Fantasy 6 (SNES)

What, you want me to gush about how much I love this game and it's exquisite story, characters and world?

I'm a game critic, not some love starved twit!

It'll take me... 5 minutes to tear this game to shreds!

FF6 represents what is, in my mind, the perfect RPG saddled with pretty bad combat mechanics and a bunch of coding errors/bugs. Outside of the combat, FF6 shines at an almost incalculable brightness, with a lovable cast of well developed characters that endure in our minds long after we've forgotten less important things like all of the Blitz inputs, just kidding I still have them all memorized.

FF6 is a very personally focused story. Sure, there's an evil empire and a grand plot to destroy the world (spoilers, it works) but most of the story is propelled forward by the characters and their myriad motivations. Terra, for example, is on a quest to discover who she is and get her memories back. Celes is an ex-Imperial General who must rediscover her own humanity. Edgar, the King of Figaro, must defend his kingdom and hit on as many girls as possible. Cyan must get over the death of his family, Locke the death of Rachel, Sabin must suplex a train, etc.

The setpieces are famous, including the Ghost Train, the Floating Island, Fanatic's Tower, and the art maze, but perhaps none more famous than the absolutely sublime Opera scene. If I had to point out the crowning achievement of videogames, I might very well point to FF6's Opera.

The combat sucks and not just because of the bugs. The characters are wildly imbalanced, and the Esper system allows each character to learn every spell. Also, your stat growth is determined by which Esper you had equipped at the time of leveling up, which is stupid. Luckily the combat is easy enough that you can mostly ignore this feature, or just use the 1337 r1V3R tr1ck d00d!! The special attacks each character comes with are interesting, but mostly just replace "fight" as your default command. Blitz gives you extra power at the risk of fucking up the command input, and is probably the best implemented one. Tools are just straight up OP, Swordtechs are underpowered, Rage is either terrible or the most powerful thing in the game, and Umaro can pick up himself while confused to throw himself at himself.

In the end, none of the bad stuff about FF6 really matters. It's the experience that counts.

Do I recommend this game:
First, I was taken by it's beauty! Secondly, I'm dying to know if I'm this game's type. And I guess... my recommendation... would be a distant... third.

Gameplay: 5. Despite my complaints there are plenty of worse RPG combat systems.

Experience: 10. You won't find a better RPG when it comes to everything outside of the combat jank.

[nosimpleway]

Hats off to the GBA remake, which fixed some bugs and added a level reset bug instead. Linking stat-ups to espers is dumb, but if you can do it as much as you want ...

[François]

I think FF6 might be the best game I don't like.

[Friday]

I'll bite.

Just a general feeling, or do you have specific reasons?

Don't worry, I don't actually care when other people don't like things I do, so I'm not gonna go full dickweed on you. But I am curious because I don't think I've ever heard someone say they don't like FF6.

[François]

Eh, nothing particular you haven't mentioned, but the flaws bug me enough that on the whole I don't care much for it. Mechanics-wise, it feels generous to call it half-designed. Don't get me wrong, I see that there's a lot to love in it, and in fact there's a lot I do love about it, especially the music. But when it comes to actual gameplay it just feels hollow; there's a zillion moving parts, too many of them are either uninteresting or both interesting and pointless (which in some ways is worse), and the way it all comes together struggles to make it the sum of its components. I found it heavy on spectacle and light on entertainment.

I get why it's important, I understand why people like it, I especially understand how the flavor elements could more than compensate for the play system's weaknesses. But I beat it to see if I could make it work for me, and it ended up not being my jazz.

(That soundtrack though. Goodness.)

[zaratustra]

FF6 wanted to have a lot of characters, and everything else kinda bent around that. Square only tried that again with Chrono Cross and then finally gave up on the idea?

[Upthorn]

It worked a lot better in FF6 than it did in CC.

[Thad]

FF Type-0 had almost as many playable characters as FF6 (12 to 6's 14), but there wasn't really much to them.

Chrono Cross's roster was huge; I'd say it felt closer to a Suikoden game than to FF6.