Postby Friday » Fri Mar 24, 2023 12:05 am
hey guys
so i know it wasn't actually on the top ten, but i followed Brentai's advice and just
played what i wanted to
so anyway!
I played Castlevania: Bloodlines!
Here is my review. Keep in mind I am 7 years old.
okay so i loaded up the game and it hit me with the whole "pick your fucking character" and because I am not a CASUAL GAMER WHO GAMES CASUALLY AND THEN POSTS ON THE INTERNET ABOUT HOW DARK SOULS NEEDS AN EASY MODE AND ALL GAMES SHOULD BE MADE FOR EVERYONE I picked the fucking Belmont.
Okay he's not a REAL Belmont fine but he controls like one and whips like one and quacks like one. Well, almost. He can jump off and on stairs WAIT AM I PLAYING DRACULA X DID YOU GUYS TRICK ME INTO PLAYING DRACULA X THATS THE ONLY OTHER CLASSICVANIA WHERE YOU CAN JUMP ONTO AND OFF OF STAIRS
okay no whew, that was close. but is the game THAT different?!?!?!!?! (yes)
so i got to like stage three as mr. not belmont (his actual name is JOHN MORRIS, FATHER OF JONATHAN CHARLOTTE JONATHAN MORRIS) before I was like "wow this game is pretty tough. and it has limited lives and continues. I need to redo the early stages with the experience and stuff I know now to conserve my lives for the later levels" and i restarted the game and succumbed to the casual seduction technique of ERIC LECARDE, WHO I ALREADY KNEW FROM PORTRAIT OF RUSHED FINAL THIRD AND THAT FANGAME I GOT STUCK ON AND BRENTAI HAD TO PLAY THE WHOLE GAME TO HELP ME BECAUSE IT WAS SO NEW THAT GAMEFAQS DIDN'T HAVE A PAGE FOR IT YET.
anyway it turns out that Eric is indeed casual mode. move fast attack upward do pole vaults fuckin sick movement tech bro nice dick
as MR. Lecarde I was able to get all the way to Dracula's Castle and then the game was like HAHA I SAW YOU MADE A THREAD ON BRONTOFORUMUS ABOUT HOW YOU HATE "STAGE HAZARDS" LIKE WIND OR ICE. WELL WHAT IF YOU WERE JUST UPSIDOWN AND YOUR CONTROLS WERE REVERSED HAHA WAIT THERE'S MORE WHAT IF THE SCREEN WAS SO INCREDIBLY FUCKED UP THAT YOU THOUGHT THE FUCKING HARDWARE WAS BUGGING OUT LIKE THE MIDDLE THIRD OF THE SCREEN IS DISTORTED AND SHIFTED AND YOUR LEGS AND YOUR TORSO ARE FUCKING RIPPED APART OKAY NAVIGATE THIS ROOM WITH INSTANT DEATH PITS
what the fuck
who made this
Anyway I somehow managed to get past that shit on then Carmilla or Medusa or whoever she was supposed to be.
then Dracula killed me and I ran out of lives and continues. fuck.
THE GOOD:
Soundtrack fucking kills. Clean. Hearing Simon's theme on the way to Drac was a surprise highlight. But yeah it's all great.
Despite the weird gimmicks and 3D bosses ripped straight out of Gunstar Heroes, it retains that Classicvania feel and challenge. It's been so, so long since I actually played a new Classicvania that it was an absolute treat. Felt great, like slipping into an old and worn in pair of shoes.
Two characters with varying playstyles (Lecarde is better at moving and has superior reach, but John has power) is a real nice feature. I like games that do this kinda thing. Castlevania 64 comes to mind, which is a personal favorite of mine despite its many, many flaws.
Enemy design was mostly good. They were challenging without being obnoxious, like in Dracula X.
THE BAD:
I don't like the "super power up" mechanic. It's cool that it exists, but man, I fucking hate and have always hated powerups that go away when you take a hit. That might sound surprising coming from me, a Contra Megafangirl, but yeah. I was never able to hold onto my super cool Plasma Spear or Whip for long, and it just made me feel bad. I suppose a higher level of mastery/memorization of the game would allow one to actually get some use out of the super power level state, but I feel like it should have had a minimum timer. Like it lasts 2 minutes or something, and then after that grace period getting hit loses it. I dunno. Weird nickpick, but it actually bothered me for whatever reason.
Death was a pushover. I don't mean the card bullshit megaman style bossrush, though I didn't like (and don't like) that kind of design. (I also disliked it in Cuphead) I mean the actual fight with Death was a letdown. This is probably the last time I will ever go toe to toe with Death in a Castlevania title, and he's just so easy.
HAHA THATS RIGHT ITS ME, FRIDAY, WHO BITCHES ABOUT HOW BOSSES ARE TOO EASY, THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF EVERY OTHER YOUTUBER WHO MAKES 45 MINUTE FUCKING VIDEOS ABOUT HOW MALENIA IS TOO HARD AND GAMES SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE
Also Carmilla??? Medusa??? wasn't "too easy" but she was pretty boring as a penultimate boss. Very very "sit through long ass attacks, then hit me once" type of boss, which unless it is Yellow Devil, I hate.
THE UGLY:
some of the genesis effects were jarring and out of place. Leaning Tower climb felt ... eugh. The split middle third screen shit was ... well, it was something.
limited continues? the fuck? okay whatever i guess there's probably some code to circumvent this, there almost always is but yeah that's pretty outdated design even for this time
OVERALL:
Brentai was right to claim this as his favorite Classicvania and tell me to stop fucking around and play it. It's a very solid entry. I won't go so far to say it's my favorite Classicvania (that remains CV3) but I'd rate it higher than Super CV. Where Super CV felt a little TOO empowering for a Classicvania title (whip in all directions, adjust jump trajectory in mid-air) Bloodlines had a really good balance in Lecarde. And Morris is there if you want the old fully stiff controls, and it even rewards you for putting up with them with more power.
Super CV and this game were contemporaries, yes?
*checks wikipedia*
okay 91 vs 94, so not exactly.
But still, I think it's fair to compare those two games against each other. They're from basically the same era with basically the same level of tech. And I think Bloodlines did it better, which is saying something as I like Super CV a lot. Both games have weird, wonky tech demo shit in them, even. But Bloodlines feels better. I'd be interested to know if anyone from the Super CV team worked on Bloodlines, because it sort of feels like the next step in a lot of ways.
All in all, I think this is a -very- good title and more than just a "worthy" entry in the CV catalog. It has some really neat ideas and execution. I'm just sad that Death was such a let down, he's always my favorite boss fight in a Classicvania game. Oh we -- WAIT SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT RONDO I STILL HAVEN'T PLAYED RONDO GUYS IS DEATH A GOOD FIGHT IN RONDO well not as Maria obviously, she's the easymode character I mean as Richter