Been busy with holiday biz, but I'm carving out time today like a christmas ham to bring you: Lyrai's dirty santa box that arrived weeks ago!
Seems innocuous enough...
Ooooo... I see a secret death star in there...
Removing the first strip of bubble wrap, I've uncovered what seems to be a pile of shattered legos!
I carefully funnel these legos into a separate box, and remove the final strip of bubble wrap...
A lot of strange and surreal artifacts up in here.
My first thought is that this is famous vtuber-turned-NFT-huckster Kizuna AI on left, with a mysterious guardian on the right. I asked one of my most anime-girl-obsessed friends and she responded with "I have no fucking idea"
Wh- j- SLIME?????
"Crazy Aaron's" "Thinking Putty"
Moving on, there are two pouches in here, both containing dice!
I actually ended up using these the next day, when I DMed for my nephews.
One of the d20's is now lodged in their dining room floor vent! This was a sign of a well-used, well-loved product.
Next up is... is uh...
Going to guess perhaps some kind of card holder??? The clamps have too much strength to be safely used on a phone.
Some research shows that it is in fact a
Citadel Painting Handle, where you lock your specifically Warhammer 40K figure into this mechanism, and then on top of that there are two clips for maybe lifting the figure into the air when you paint the base?
Might come in handy as I continue doing more DM sessions with my nephews... definitely the most functional item in the Hearthdrop™.
Next up in the box is...
Real nice Spirited Away-themed Kuru Toga Advanced mechanical pencil! Even has a dial on the side to adjust the pressure.
I dig deeper...
A Star Trek pin I think!
I scope out the back...
It's from long-cancelled fuckbois The Penny Arcade Krew!
A google search reveals... that this is
the insignia of Kris Straub's 2015 Starslip series! I do like Kris Straub, I can maybe use this in a future costume.
Next up is this weird-ass death star thing! I scope out the sides and the back, and it's wired!
I plug it in...
It's a bluetooth speaker! The quality is of course blown-out horsepiss but I actually need one of these for my kitchen, to steam podcasts through, so this is perfect.
Below that...
Ooooo, choice Midori envelopes!
Hell yeah!
AND Midori stationary! This is actually sorely-needed, because I have absolutely nothing of decent quality onto which to write letters to people.
I discreetly pull out an envelope and a sheet of stationary and write a letter for my dirty santa box...
Lastly, there's some more wonderful stationary, this one even better than the last:
Hard to quite see in the picture, but there's a subtle transition between colors, like a sunset.
Definitely my favorite part of the package!
I turn my attention back to the shattered lego blocks, and with a little detective work, I'm able to determine that I'm looking at the remains of resoundly-cancelled Blizzard favorites
Shi Overwatch Genji and his Dragon Duel Playset, alongside known sex pest
Omnic Crisis Bastion!
This is rapidly divided out into smaller bags, PDF instructions printed, and re-gifted to my nephews, who loved it. They now hate women like their new hero Hanzo!!!!!!
That leaves the best part of the package...
...The package itself! Which I quickly strip all identifying features off of, fill with my dirty santa content, re-label, and ship out.
Which is all say,
SENT