DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

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Silversong
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Silversong » Sun Jan 07, 2018 2:37 pm


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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Newbie » Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:17 am

On the 12th Day of Christmas—

> The 12th Day of Christmas is January 5th, you jerkwad. It has come and gone.

Hmm. Oh! "Three Kings Day" or "Little Christmas" is traditionally celebrated on January 6th...

> Which has also already passed! Try to keep up.

Okay—okay—now that January 6th has passed, the time has come—

> —three days ago, actually. Today is the 9th. Have you even looked at a calendar recently?

Fine! Fine! We'll call this the 16th Day of Christmas! I'm an asshole; let's move on!


I got a box! (Weeks ago.) I would have posted about it, but I had to catch a flight to Michigan. Now that I am back, behold the contents!

This was a delightful gift; sorry again for my delinquency in timing. Thanks so much, Lyrai!
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Newbie » Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:23 am

Roger wrote:A big old box of love has arrived!


Unfortunately, between the time in which I assembled everything to send you and the actual shipping, one intended passenger (a treacherous metroid figurine) vanished. I suspect a cat is to blame, but it hasn't turned up yet.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Mothra » Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:28 pm


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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Mothra » Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:33 pm

Silversong wrote:I got a present!

Vape Life™ is from this Monster Factory ep. There was a gal at the last con I went to selling Monster Factory pins.

My Monster Secret is kinda iffy, but I was told Sweetness & Lightning was fantastic and heartwarming, so, let me know if that's true.

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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby TA » Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:22 pm

I'm still an asshole who hasn't sent mine out, I'm trying to find the time and energy to dig some stuff up I wanna put in it. I'm not gonna open the one I got until I have. I don't think I've earned it?

Things haven't been great.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Büge » Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:20 pm

Let me take you back a month and a day to when I, unaware of the DIRTY fate that befell me, was greeted by a heavy box with a stranger's name on it, and I'll walk you through my thought process. Ready?

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That's odd. I didn't order anything. Did someone from Talking Time send this? I'd better ask and find out.
<time passes>
No one's saying anything. Better get this over with.

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Bubble wrap? That's a good sign. Someone went to a lot of trouble to keep the contents intact. And what's this?

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"Knights in the --?" Better check the spine of the case.

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...

Moving on.

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There's like a dozen of these decals. Whoever sent this box sure loves Adult Swim. Case in point:

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Note to self: get Mongrel to post an appropriate clip from Space Ghost.

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Hey, it's a comic! From that person who makes that comic about the witch that gets high all the time and it's creepy and disjointed and the creator was a guest of honour at TCAF.

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It's a... another comic? By Jimmy Palmiotti?

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Huh. Looks interesting.

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Begorrah! Can't get enough of stories from the Emerald Isles, like Cu Chulainn, Fionn mac Cool, and, uh, James Joyce.

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Demons and dragons, eh? Throw in a book about angels and I could build a Kaalia deck.

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That's odd. This bag is surprisingly dense. What could it be?

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oh jeez

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Damn, this... this is a lot of cards. Looks like there's an almost complete monoblue tron deck, along with a ton of cards from Shadowmoor, Ravnica and earlier sets.

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Wait, there's more?!

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This is all jank and I love it!

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Wait, there's something else inside the bag...

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Oh, I am, blue card, I am.

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Ahahaha, it's the mark of quality when they spell it "magick".

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I think I hear more cards rattling around in here, too! Aaaaand--

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...oh.

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And there's more adult swim tat.

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I already said I was!

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Some very misc. stuff in the bottom of the lunchbox.

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What the...

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Okay but why is it in a Capri Sun packet?

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Maybe so, but I use Chrome.

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Now this is more like it. What could be more fun than a binder full of wacky old cards?

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TWO binders full of wacky old cards!

I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm not saying I don't. Thank you, secret benefactor!


And then I learned it was beatbandito. Thank you, beatbandito!

I do find it richly ironic that one of the best Dirty Santa gifts I ever got was in a year I didn't enter.
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beatbandito
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby beatbandito » Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:27 pm

Yay! The creepy smile cards I got a huge stack of from a creepy person on the street on NYC years ago and have put in all the dirty santa boxes since. Lots of the knick-knacks come from 'Ol Contextless Teddy or Nick who I think is more in #FF but posts sometimes.

The magic cards are as you said. There are a few 'full' decks but the Tron deck is the only one that ever put up any kind of real fight in a tourni. It is every Magic card I've ever owned (in the original middle school binders) more-or-less and I've been considering offering to send them to you or Mongrel for about a year just so I didn't have to throw them all out.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Grath » Mon Jan 29, 2018 11:27 pm

That is not all jank; Chrome Mox and Show and Tell are both solid cards that get used in competitive decks.

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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Büge » Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:33 pm

Oh, I know. I'm keeping the choice cards for myself.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby beatbandito » Fri Feb 23, 2018 5:38 pm

Do we need a match dump for this to identify any B A D S A N T A S?
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Mongrel » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:56 pm

I dunno, but Brent still needs to take pictures of the dumpster we sent him!
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby TA » Sat Feb 24, 2018 3:54 am

beatbandito wrote:Do we need a match dump for this to identify any B A D S A N T A S?


On the 20th of December, I was pulled over going 35 in a 35 zone. Cops being cops, that resulted in a ticket for reckless driving, 50 in a 30, which in my state is a class one misdemeanor for which I was facing up to a year in jail. The other shoe dropped on that this Wednesday, my lawyer was able to get it down to a county code violation for which I "only" have a $300 fine.

I'm sorry for being kind of frazzled and in no state to get shit together and sent out during that time. I've got stuff picked out, but not sorted and packed up.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Brentai » Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:06 pm

Package shipped. ETA next Wednesday.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Mothra » Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:19 pm

oh my gay god brentai

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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Newbie » Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:23 pm

Still beating various final CRG contributions! (...to say nothing of the K-word.)
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby beatbandito » Thu Apr 12, 2018 8:50 pm

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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Mongrel » Thu Apr 12, 2018 8:52 pm

I particularly appreciate the Groundhog Day bit.
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Brentai » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:11 am

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So! I told myself that I wouldn't open my received package until I had sent mine out, and that is a promise that I kept, at least. It's been so long that I almost lost track of where it was, but I did eventually manage to find the box in another box and dug it out. The thing's kind of rattly so I'm hoping it's not one piece of something that became a thousand pieces of something else in the last, uh, fiscal quarter.

First thing's first, unwrapping the freaking paper gambeson around this thing which I assume grants +5 protection against whatever damage Canada Post usually does...

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I... sort of? W... was this topical in 2017? I barely remember those dark times.

I open the box of MAX HOTNESS as gingerly as I can, because it really does sound like it's packed with Captain Crunch or something.

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RIGHT OFF THE FREAKING BAT the Northern Arthouse puts my horrid attempts at pen drawing to the most absolutely decimating shame. Jaysus.

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A rare archaeological find, this tome contains many articles detailing the lives of both ordinary and extraordinary citizens in the once-thought mythical land of To-Ronto. Interspersed with musings on food, housing and birdwatching are a series of comedic short stories about a clownlike character who is elected to a political office and proceeds to govern the land with his usual outlandish antics. Heh. Outrageous.

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If this is not porn already then I'm only going to have to do a little extra work to find a way to jack off to it. STEP 1: Do not, under any circumstances, check to see if the author has become a conservative pundit.

I appreciate the humble goals of this comic's run though: It clearly shot for two entire issues from the start, and by George it got 'em. Way to go, Stacked Skunk Chauffeur.

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...what?

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...buh... what?

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...huh.

I love it!

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Hm. Well this could go a LOT of ways.

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Okay yeah pretty close to what I was expecting. Elena.

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A sealed copy of Fallout 3! For the PC! Featuring Games for Windows!

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Did you know there's a K'nex set based on Titanfall? Because there is a K'nex set based on Titanfall. If LEGO is too mainstream for you, and Call of Duty is too mainstream for you... welp, here's K'nex Titanfall.

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A Scorpion bobblehead! He, uh, he kinda looks like he already fought Sub-Zero, if you know what I mean.

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A set of Battleborn pins, for when you absolutely, positively MUST get your kid beaten up at school.

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OH SHIT I LOVE THIS MOVIE! I mean, I actually don't remember watching it one bit, but I'm pretty sure I loved it. Maybe I'll give it another go with fewer tequila shots this time.

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Ooh, miniatures! I have to admit that I wouldn't know the difference between a decent mini and a gummy bear, but quick research suggests that these are legit and maybe kinda classic (the box says they're from '92). So I'm pretty hyped about that.

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A Space Invaders piggy bank! A little too awkward to actually use for coin storage, but it actually looks pretty good as a prop for my growing collection of action figures and amiibo. It's in too awkward a place to take a picture but Bayonetta's jamming on it right now.

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And finally some... Funkoroids? Nendopops? Uh... *checks* Okay so the Psycho is a Funko Pop, and the Nolan North is I-don't-know-what. But hey, when you make Nolan North squat and fat he actually looks like a pretty passable Chibi Brentai, so that's pretty useful!

I kid a lot but this is exactly the sort of smattering of collectible baubles I don't generally buy on my own and really hope for when I get these packages. So really good haul! Thanks Mongrel (and Buge, I'm assuming ya helped too)!
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Re: DIRTY SANTA 2017: YOU MADE IT

Postby Friday » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:56 am

Elena Micheals was stalking the roofs that night.

"I'm going to kill that Brentai," she said. "He's been a thorn in my side for long enough."

She leapt on all fours down several terraces and balconies to the street. "It's weird that the narration is giving away my name, though."

Suddenly Brentai rounded the corner.

"I've been waiting for you," Elena said, grinning wolfishly. "I knew you would pass this way on your way to pass this way to find your way to the pizza place where you buy coke and pizza on your way to the path that passes in front of the way to the pass to your home."

Brentai whipped out his Silver Cross. "I also have Ruff Ruff Ruff Wild Fang," he said.

"You mean Interceptor?" asked Elena.

"No, Envy stole it. I just meant I'm Ruff Ruff Ruff Wild in bed," replied Brentai.

"TAKE ME NOW," Elena said, her desire to kill Brentai gone in an instant as her wild, sensual beast nature asserted itself and she ripped off her bodice, exposing her womanhood.

Brentai smiled. Just as he planned. He ripped off his pants, exposing his manhood. Gently caressing his inner thigh, he spoke. "You know how this ends."

Elena Micheals didn't care. Caressing her inner thigh gently, she exposed her exposed womanhood more boldly, like her beastly nature. "I don't care," she said, not caring.

With a violent passion that can only be expressed by gentle caressing your own thigh (yes, you, the reader, do it right now) the two enemies/lovers met in a flurry of violent passion that can only be etc and beastly growling.

GAME OVER

WERETIGER VICTORY

Winners: Niku
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