Mothra wrote:Alright, so, banned Sora again. The cycle continues.
I absolutely do not think this is working out for him or us. Best stop it now so we can all move on to the next thing.
Sora, man. I don't know if you're still reading. I know I'm late on this.
It's clear you're not in a good place. I want to help you, but I can't; I don't have the knowledge or the skill.
You've suffered some recent trauma. You've talked about suicide. It's clear that you're not well.
You seem to understand that you need help and support. That's good! But you seem to think that this community can provide it for you. You're mistaken.
You have a medical problem. Mental problems are medical problems, just as surely as physical problems are. If you needed a kidney transplant, you would not come to Brontoforumus. You would go to a doctor.
Please, Sora. Go to a doctor. You need a therapist. We cannot help you.
There are a couple more things I'd like to add.
It's clear that you're looking for validation, for a sense of community. You're constantly posting stuff -- your projects, your thoughts, your experiences, your ideas -- and expecting not just a response, but a positive
response. When people do not respond to you, or respond to you negatively, you do not take it well; you lash out.
It is also clear, from some of what you've posted -- the thoughts you've expressed, the videos you've shared, that reaction GIF -- that you're seeking community in some other places on the Internet, and some of those places are decidedly unhealthy.
Look, there's no easy way to say this -- there are a lot of people in the gaming community who are absolutely awful people. Just because somebody likes the same video games you do, and makes videos about them that make you laugh, does not mean that he is a good person. If somebody makes fun of or belittles women, minorities, LGBT people, etc. -- even if he adds some kind of "just kidding, jeez, relax, I didn't mean it, why are you getting so upset?" kind of defense at the end -- then he is, in the very best-case, a clueless and immature person who has not considered other people's experiences and feelings. And, at worst, he may be a full-on, actual Nazi. Seriously; there's a real problem with white supremacy in US culture in general and the gamer culture in particular right now. Those people are not your friends. No matter how lost and lonely you are, you're better off alone than you are falling in with bigots.
And this brings me to another point, and kind of a delicate one: from your dismissive comments about LGBT people, I kinda feel like maybe you're uncomfortable with your own sexuality.
I don't know much about your relationships, Sora, and I'm not here to label you. I know that you dated another man at one point. I don't know what that says, broadly, about you or your sexuality; it's up to you to figure that out in whatever way best suits you. Maybe you're gay, or bi, or maybe you're straight but briefly went out with a man at one point. Maybe you're not into the whole label thing at all and don't want to call yourself any of those things. That's totally fine. It's up to you to define yourself in whatever way you see fit. But understand that other people have different experiences and perspectives than you do. If you don't want to label your sexuality or emphasize it, that's your right. But that doesn't mean other people who choose to do so are wrong. What's right for you may not be right for somebody else.
The important thing is, there's nothing wrong with being LGBT, and there's nothing wrong with dating somebody who's the same gender as you.
I also remember you saying that the same-sex relationship you were in was an abusive one. And I want you to understand that that's not your fault. Domestic abuse is never okay and it's never excusable. You did not, and do not, deserve that.
It's also important for you to separate being in an abusive relationship from being in a same-sex relationship. The two things are unrelated. There are good people and bad people, healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships, all across the human race. It's not because of their race or their sex or their gender or their sexuality. The man who hurt you didn't do it because he was bi, and he didn't do it because of who you were or because of anything you did; he did it because he was an abuser.
I think that, deep down, you know all this stuff.
I think you know which ideas are pernicious and hurtful.
You started a whole thread to share unpopular opinions. Now, maybe that really was exactly what it appeared to be: maybe it was just you seeking validation. Maybe you really did start that thread because you want people to praise everything you say and do.
But I don't think that's it.
I think that you started that thread because, deep down, you knew you were wrong and you wanted someone to tell you so. It was a sanity check. You had an idea -- or heard an idea from somebody else -- and it sounded good to you, but it somehow *felt* wrong. And when you broached it to this community, you weren't really seeking validation; you were seeking someone to tell you why this video you'd seen on YouTube was actually wrong, no matter how much it appealed to you on the surface.
Maybe I'm off-base. Maybe I'm imagining motivations that aren't there. But if I'm right, if you really do have a voice in your head saying "Hang on, there's something about this that isn't right" when you see a video like that, then maybe you should learn to listen to that voice.
Sora, I don't really know you. I've seen you posting in this community for the past decade or so, but that's not the same thing. I've got opinions, and I've got ideas, and I've got hunches. I hope the advice I've shared in this post is helpful to you, but maybe it's not.
But if you take one single thing away from this, it's that you need real, professional help. You need to stop looking to Internet randos for help, for advice, for validation. You need therapy, man. Find a good therapist. Make appointments and keep them. Treat your mental suffering the same way you would treat physical suffering; go see a doctor who can treat it.