Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

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Friday
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Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Friday » Mon Apr 29, 2019 5:28 pm

aka Thanos snaps his fingers and kills a gay dude's husband so that he can be openly gay about it and social media can pin a medal on the movie and say "this is the first openly gay character in the MCU" despite him being on screen for an attosecond which only the Flash can perceive and crossovers are dumb also just have an actual gay character what the fuck don't just have the first gay character be a throw-away cameo by one of the co-directors and expect a fucking parade go fuck yourself god damn why can't they just make captain marvel a lesbian look at her haircut did she spend 5 years on it

OKAY TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL MOVIE

IN FAQ FORM

Q: IS ENDGAME AS GOOD AS INFINITY WAR?!
A: NO

Q: WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS AWESOME
A: IT'S RETURN OF THE JEDI

Q: WAIT SO INFINITY WAR WAS EMPIRE?
A: YES

Q: IN ANY THREE ACT STRUCTURE ISN'T THE MIDDLE ACT ALWAYS OR USUALLY THE MOST INTERESTING BECAUSE IT HAS THE MOST CREATIVE FREEDOM BECAUSE THE BAD GUYS CAN WIN AND THAT MAKES IT THE LEAST PREDICTABLE AND BORING
A: YES

Q: WAIT SO THE ORIGINAL AVENGERS WAS A NEW HOPE
A: YES

Q: WHAT ABOUT AGE OF --
A: FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ANALOGY WE'RE IGNORING AGE OF ULTRON

Q: STOP TALKING ABOUT STAR WARS I HATE STAR WARS NOW TLJ RUINED EVERYTHING
A: I HAVE BEEN HOLDING SHIFT TO DO ALL CAPS THIS WHOLE TIME LIKE AN IDIOT AND JUST NOW REMEMBERED THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON EXISTS

Q: SO I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT TIME TRAVEL MECHANICS
A: SHUT UP

Q: YOU SAID ENDGAME WAS PREDICTABLE AND BORING
A: I KNEW THE ENDING (TONY DIES, CAP RETIRES, EVERYONE COMES BACK) BUT SEEING HOW THEY GOT THERE WAS FUN

Q: WHAT WAS THE BEST AND MOST AWESOME PART
A: CAPTAIN HAMMER

Q: WHAT WAS THE WORST AND MOST LAME PART
A: CAPTAIN MARVEL

Q: wait really?
A: yes she is emotionally detached from everything that's going on and doesn't add anything to the movie, I liked her in her own movie but here she felt forced and pointless

Q: do you really want her to be a lesbian
A: i don't care about the sexual orientation of any particular character beyond a few of them should be gay and neither should you

Q: then why don't we keep the POLITICS out of my SUPERHERO MOVIE
A: it's important to normalize concepts for kids to prevent bigotry later in life, also representation is important and multiple studies have been done about this it's called "the Scully effect" named after the X-Files character where a ton of women went into science fields because of her

Q: so you want the gays to become superheroes???
A: yes

Q: I thought Endgame wasn't that bad actually, the Time Heist Stuff was fun
A: yeah it's a good movie and a good cap on the series, I just prefer movies that I don't go into knowing the way they end, but that's almost every movie so, yeah

Q: so who's your favorite MCU character
A: still Rocket

Q: haha yeah Rocket is the best
A: I know

Q: was it cool how Nebula got a lot of screentime and was an important character
A: yeah actually I wasn't expecting that, I like Nebula for some reason

Q: do you think Quill and Gamora will get back together
A: yeah he can use all his Kevin Bacon jokes on her again it's inevitable

Q: omg like Thanos
A: haha yeah

Q: So is Thor joining the Asgardians of the Galaxy the best or what
A: the very best, fuck Earth based stories

Q: hahaha they made fun of nobody giving a shit about Antman compared to the Hulk just like in real life
A: yeah that was great

Q: I can't believe they fucking referenced Cap saying Hail Hydra
A: that part was fucking incredible

Q: is that really America's ass
A: absolutely

Q: why didn't Goose show up and eat the cube again before Loki could steal it
A: I don't know it's a weakness in the narrative

Q: why didn't Goose show up and eat Thanos
A: I don't know it's a weakness in the narrative

Q: Dude Thor and his Mom, Tony and his Dad
A: yep the character scenes and the emotional weight were really top-notch

Q: Do you think they'll bring back The Maw (not the one who got snapped, but the one floating in space)
A: I hope so that guy is creepy as fuck and a good villain

Q: so wait they had to steal the Gems right, and then replace them, but they have to give the space gem back to 1970 because they fucked up in 2012 so doesn't that mean Loki is still out there with the Cube/Space gem in an alternate timeline that wasn't repaired?
A: yeah i guess

Q: and he's getting his own TV show?
A: uhhhh i think?

Q: why doesn't Goose have his own TV show
A: I don't know it's a weakness in the narrative of real life

Q: haha Thor drunkenly explaining the plot to Thor 2
A: yeah that was great

Q: Are you mad Nat died
A: I'm okay with it, the movie can be a prequel it's fine

Q: Why is Red Skull there
A: I still don't know

Q: why isn't Goose the guide to the Soul Stone instead
A: I don't know it's a weakness in the narrative
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Romosome
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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Romosome » Mon Apr 29, 2019 6:41 pm

Red skull is there because at the end of cap 1 the space stone/cube teleported him into fucking space and I guess passed him off to the soul stone because it was funny ok it still doesn't make sense

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby mharr » Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:00 pm

We went to see this in a westcountry theater and the advert before the movie was an RNLI public information film about how not to drown in the north sea. That is all.


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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Thad » Sat May 18, 2019 11:24 am

I liked it a lot better than Infinity War.

Infinity War was overstuffed. This one used its runtime to balance its elements more carefully, and despite the huge cast had the good sense to focus on the original team (though yeah this did mean characters like Captain Marvel were kind of just there).

Also I saw Infinity War at Alamo so I was pretty drunk by the end. But I'm still pretty sure this was better.

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Mothra » Sat May 18, 2019 1:54 pm

Same - Absolutely loved the time heist sequence, and thought the whole first half was wonderful. Each of the main Avengers had something interesting and in-character to do.

Ending battle was kinda meh for me? It sorta just turned into crazy, frantic shlock a bit. Still enjoyable and overall satisfying, just, I dunno, the power levels of everyone were all over the map, so it was hard to get into it. Thanos gets his ass kicked by Iron Man at one point, then lays out this wildly overpowered Captain Marvel in the next scene. Was hard to figure out what was and wasn't hurting him,

Anyways the Avengers Assemble moment ruled, I liked the back-to-back Iron Man/Rescue scene, and Thor and Cap trading weapons was delightful.

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Thad » Tue May 21, 2019 10:03 pm

Friday wrote:Q: SO I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT TIME TRAVEL MECHANICS
A: SHUT UP

So I guess Peter Parker's entire high school class must have been killed by the snap and then resurrected five years later, right?

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Friday » Tue May 21, 2019 10:40 pm

yes
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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Friday » Tue May 21, 2019 10:44 pm

i also like to think about the trillions and trillions and quadrillions of people in the universe who got snapped (but were the surviving half), had no idea what the fuck was going on, and then five years later everyone came back, and they had no explanation nor had time passed for any of them

I assume trillions of religions sprang up right after both snaps
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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Friday » Tue May 21, 2019 10:45 pm

XENULA IS ANGRY THAT GAYS EXIST SO HE KILLED HALF OF US

WE FINALLY SACRIFICED ENOUGH VIRGINS TO PLEASE XENULA SO HE BROUGHT EVERYONE BACK

NOW TO CONTINUE SACRIFICING VIRGINS
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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Friday » Tue May 21, 2019 10:50 pm

also it's a REALLY big fucking universe why were the infinity stones all in the Milky Way

were they just the galaxy stones

did the snap only effect our own galaxy

"what if Thanos gets all the Infinity Stones?!"

"I see two possibilities: First, the stones are so powerful that after he snaps his fingers, he simply passes out. Second: The stones unleash a tide of destruction in space/time, destroying half of all life in the universe!"

"Oh my god!"

"Granted that is a worst case scenario, the destruction may in fact be quite localized and limited to our own galaxy."

"Well, that's a relief."
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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Grath » Tue May 21, 2019 11:50 pm

Friday wrote:also it's a REALLY big fucking universe why were the infinity stones all in the Milky Way


Morag (Power stone/Guardians of the Galaxy) is in Andromeda, the next Galaxy over from the Milky Way, and Vormir (Soul stone) is at "the very center of celestial existence", wherever that is.

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Thad » Wed May 22, 2019 1:04 am

Friday wrote:also it's a REALLY big fucking universe why were the infinity stones all in the Milky Way

It's like how on the DC side, not only is every single Green Lantern of Sector 2814 from Earth, they're all from the United States.

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Mongrel » Wed May 22, 2019 1:12 am

Damn Terran Exceptionalism
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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby mharr » Wed May 22, 2019 6:35 am

I wonder how the ontological questions work themselves out in the years after this. Basically everyone or their loved ones had the profoundly psychedelic experience of death and resurrection at the same moment in galactic history. All future calendars will treat this as year zero and the introspection on continuity of identity / being newly created entities with the memories of the dead will either create the most woke generation or a global psychological breakdown. Maybe it varies by planet and culture. Certainly no previous status quo will survive.

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Re: Avengers: End Gays (Spoilers)

Postby Mothra » Wed May 22, 2019 11:58 am

mharr wrote:I wonder how the ontological questions work themselves out in the years after this. Basically everyone or their loved ones had the profoundly psychedelic experience of death and resurrection at the same moment in galactic history. All future calendars will treat this as year zero and the introspection on continuity of identity / being newly created entities with the memories of the dead will either create the most woke generation or a global psychological breakdown. Maybe it varies by planet and culture. Certainly no previous status quo will survive.

Was also thinking of some backwater planet ten galaxies away, who have no fucking idea what just happened.

Probably going to start a lot of religions.

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