Our Boys In Blue

[Yoji]

I forget who put the idea in my head, but you really do look at the police differently when you substitute the word "cop" with "some guy with a gun." And when you remember that gun is a tool explicitly made to break things and hurt people, it's crazy to think such a thing could be used to fix anything.

[Friday]

There is a reason that regular cops are not allowed to have guns in other industrialized nations.

Silver, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. You're going to have to decide on your own if tipping the boat is worth it for you and your coworkers. Stay as strong and as safe as you can.

[Büge]

St. Louis police crash SUV into LGBTQ bar and arrest the bar's owner

[Mongrel]

I've been watching that story unfold and the video of them crashing is, to my untrained eye, hilariously incriminating:



- Cops said they "swerved to avoid a dog". Of course there is no dog.
- Cop actually remain in FULL CONTROL of the vehicle the entire time - notice that they apply the brakes before they even start to turn and also well before the parked car. There's no spin, no skid (and also seemingly no evidence that anti-lock braking kicked in, which it should for panic braking). If they were swerving to avoid something or just trying to stop, they had ample time and space to do so.

IANAL, much less Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny, but it sure as hell looks like this was "Well that bar shouldn't have been standing there dressed so provocatively."

Oh and of course the other cops who showed up never issued a breathalyzer or other test because their dear colleagues "looked sober".

The good news is that the guy they arrested is already out and the charge dropped from Felony to misdemeanor. Their attorney is working on getting it tossed completely and of course suing the everloving shit out of the StLPD.

[Büge]

Police officer assaults teen.
Police officer has heart attack.
Police officer dies.
Teen is charged with aggravated murder.

[Friday]

John McClane crawled through the ventilation shaft. "Now I know how a TV dinner feels," John McClane said, ruggedly. He paused to light a cigarette. The ash and flame dripped ruggedly from his heroic mouth. "I also know what it feels like to be a hero," he said, lightning another cigarette.

Suddenly, a 1915 Little Willie burst through the wall into the duct. "I'm made of Laffy Taffy," said the 1915 Little Willie.

"Finally, a tank," McClane said, lighting another cigarette. "I'm glad the city's money is being spent on tanks for cops like me, who are heroes."

Suddenly a killer robot drone loaded with explosives came in through the hole in the duct that Little Willie had made.

"Finally, a killer robot drone loaded with explosives," McClane said, lighting another cigarette. "Now I can pilot this killer robot drone loaded with explosives into drug dens and detonate it heroically, killing drug users and also some of the innocent neighbors."

Suddenly McClane saw a black person, or maybe it was a mexican. Lighting another cigarette, he opened fire. Though he did not hit his target, he did manage to kill several other children in the area.

Suddenly, terrorists took over a school and began executing children as fast as they could. John McClane knew. This was his chance. He picked up his phone and called for backup. After one hundred other cops arrived on the scene, he ruggedly prevented a distraught parent from entering the school to save their child. Several hours passed. John McClane knew. This was the work of goddamn liberals. He lit another cigarette. The flame cast rugged, heroic shadows on his rugged heroic face.

[Mongrel]

omg a Little Willie reference are you shitting me.

Fridaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... you been reading WWI history?

[Friday]

I have in the past a little bit, but I'm gonna be honest with you, I just wanted to do the 19xx Chevy Malibu joke from Simo Belmo but also make a joke about cops and their fucking tanks, and so needed the earliest tank. So I googled it. Though I had heard of Little Willie before, once I saw it.

That's right, I'm a shitposter who does her research!! no low quality shitposts from this bad bitch, just very very very low quality

One day I will crack the insane bullshit nut that is WW1 for realsies, but right now I'm on a Korean war kick. I didn't fucking know that Seoul fell/exchanged hands FOUR FUCKING TIMES during the war jesus christ.

[Mongrel]

Cops fire at handcuffed man in back of cop SUV after first cop mistakes acorn for a gunshot

Somehow he wasn't hurt! (git gud nubs! o wait ur cops)

Video (nothing requiring CW apart from gunshots and a very very dead rear wiper).

“We have an armed suspect at the Daikini Crossroads! There’s a peck here with an acorn pointed at me!”

[Friday]

Oh my god. I have seen so many acorn memes over the past few days and I had no idea what the fuck was going on.

And that video was just

Like

It plays out like a sketch comedy

Like if you had shown me that video and told me it was a scene from Reno 911 I would have 100% believed you.

[nosimpleway]

the fucking Dark Souls combat roll elevates it fully into the realm of self-parody, really

[François]

Ten bucks say he thought he was hit because he hurt himself rolling.

[Büge]

a slide came at him with a knife

[atog]

I AM GROOT (FUCK THA PO-LICE)

[Büge]

here's the article