Randomization

[nosimpleway]

I go through the dungeon to Yo'ster Isle and pick up the Cricket Pie from the goal line there. Frogfucius gives me an Attack Scarf for it, which is +30 to all stats and a couple shuffled-in status immunities. Only Geno can wear it, but wear it he does.

Speaking of Yo'ster Isle, there's that blue yoshi there with the spiked collar and Kamina shades, right? In the original Japanese he was "Washi", a spin on the Wario evil twin idea, but was localized as "Boshi", presumably a portmanteau of "Bad Yoshi".

Yoshi is my daughter's favorite fictional character. She has a big green Yoshi stuffy, which she calls... Yoshi. So when she got another, smaller purple Yoshi stuffy, she decided for reasons she has not explained to call it "BoshI". I haven't shown her this game yet, so I don't know where she got it.

Anyway. I can get to Monstro Town, where the key on the cliffside that you can get after convincing a Thwomp to shake it down for you is replaced by the Tenor Card. The shop at Tadpole Pond carries Megalixirs now, for pretty cheap, so if I ever run into a spot where I can't keep up with healing I have a solution.


Moleville sells Sticky Gloves, which both Mario and Peach can use. I still don't have Mallow, but when you attack with a weapon that a character normally can't use, the game loads in the animation for that attack by the character who normally uses that weapon. So it might look like I shuffle my party around and even get duplicate characters in later screenshots, but no. It's just the weapons I've managed to scrounge or afford.


Croco in the mines is replaced by Jonathan Jones. Once I use the Bambino Bomb to open up a wall and proceed to the end, I find that Punchinello has been replaced by...


er, Punchinello, this randomizer sucks


Fascinatin' bit of cake decoration you're doing there, guys.


For a game that remove most of the cutscenes and dialog I'm a little surprise you still have to hunt down the Snifits for all of Peach's fashion accessories before you can fight the Marrymore boss. You don't even get the cutscene unlocked by retrieving them!


Anyway, as the sneak-peek in the kitchen hinted, the boss is a chest mimic monster. I forget which one this is. Chester? Whatever. He gets chumped.


Hooray, I got the guy I basically never use in the vanilla game.

[nosimpleway]

Doing nothing to challenge my notion of Mallow as "the guy who never really earns a spot in the active party", he's managed to claim the attack spell that only works pretty well if you use it a couple hundred times, the useless status effect spell, and not one but two single-character heals. He managed to land Geno Whirl, but that doesn't count for enough.

Actually, that reminds me... lemme finish off this section of the map first, though.


I've gotten enough freebie Star Pieces that Star Hill declines to give me anything of note.

Yaridovich is replaced by Knife Guy and Grate Guy, who get chumped.


There is an 80% chance that the monster hiding in the chest in the Sunken Ship has been replaced by a cake.


...okay.

Boss of the Sunken Ship is Jinx, the tiny martial artist. He gets chumped.


Right. Getting Geno Whirl reminded me to go fight Exor again, represented on the map not by a giant sword but by... Mario doing his best Exor impression.


Now that I can survive Aurora Beam, Exor gets chumped.


My reward is... uh, the satisfaction of a job well done.

[nosimpleway]

Finishing the next melody at Tadpole Pond nets me the Greaper Flag, which I immediately turn in for a Lazy Shell. This is the weapon by that name, not the armor. Mario can't use it, but my choice of Bowser, Peach, or Mallow can. I give it to Bowser, since this is also the point where I can afford his Super Suit, and switch him into the party in place of Geno.

His spells are Ultra Jump, Sleepy Time, Crusher, Bowser Crush, Geno Beam, and Geno Boost, but who cares? He's got Lazy Shell and Super Suit, he's basically never going to look at his techniques menu anyway.


At Land's End I get to run into Mokuka, the weirdly-strong gas cloud that floats around sometimes. He gets chumped.

Boss fight in Belome Temple is Megasmilax, who gets chumped.

In Monstro Town the dojo fights are Bowyer (chumped before he can lock any of the buttons down), Jagger in Jinx's first slot, Jinx 2 in the Jinx 2 slot this randomizer sucks, and the factory floor Director. My reward is a Quartz Charm.


Congratulations to Chained Kongs in Barrel Volcano, the first enemy I've found to not get oneshot by Bowser's Lazy Shell hit.

Czar Dragon's slot is the Hammer Bros from Mushroom Way, who get chumped.


But fittingly for the slot they're in, have a Star Piece.


The Axem Rangers slot is Dodo solo, who is so chumped he manages to do a single move on Peach before he decides discretion is the better part of valor.

One of the chests in Bean Valley is Count Down, the giant inexplicable clock in Smithy's Dimension. It gave me a Star Piece... that I didn't screenshot. Oh well.

Boss of Bean Valley, in the Megasmilax slot, is another of the factory floor goons from Smithy's lair. He gets so chumped I don't even have a screenshot reminding me what his name/rank is.


Guess I can go fight Smithy now if I feel like it.

[nosimpleway]

But part of why I'll never do randomizer races is that I like being thorough.


I picked up the Room Key that I need for an extra treasure in Booster's Tower (Knife Guy and Grate Guy dropped it back in Seaside), but I haven't found the Elder Key for the other one. Turns out the Elder Key is coughed up by Booster -- or the Blooper cosplaying as Booster, hereafter Bloopster -- in the Elder Key slot anyway. This randomizer sucks.


The rewards for the Elder Key is not worth the detour, but the Room Key was. This is the armor by that name, not the weapon. Mario's still languishing with midgame armor, so I give it to him despite the drawbacks to his speed and attacks.


Like the fashion-accessories hunt, I'm also kind of surprised I have to do the hide-behind-the-curtains game, too. I manage to get the item, which is outdated by now, so I skip the Bloopster boss fight. If I want! King Kalamari is hanging out in the corner of the room if I want to engage with that. I know it doesn't have a Star PIece, though, so I don't. I just leave.


Boomer attacks me as I leave.


Pff. Okay, [obvious joke].


Actual Booster is chilling out in Nimbus Land, apparently.


I forget to ever go back to Belome Temple to cash this in for prizes. I was hoping that this would be Castle Key 1, so I could finish this dungeon. What key item slots have I missed...?


Oh yeah, the Bright Card slot. In a small mercy, you only have to play the minigame once.

[nosimpleway]

Normally Birdo drops Castle Key 2 from that egg, there. Since I already have it, I could just walk away. I don't, though.

Birdo's slot is Yaridovich, who gets chumped. I get a Seed for my trouble.


As previously spoiled, the Valentina slot is Booster. He gets chumped.


Not sure how they're going to improve the Tadpole Pond shop when they were already selling Megalixirs, but okay. I think that's everything.

I turn in the Seed and the Fertilizer to get the usual Lazy Shell slots, which are now a Ghost Medal and a Super Suit. That'd be great if anyone but Bowser could wear it, and he's already got one. Oh well.

I turn in the Cricket Pie for ten frog coins, then go to the frog coin shops in Tadpole Pond and Seaside to check what's worth buying. Best item is the Attack Scarf, which I already have and only Geno can use. Oh well.

I head to Bowser's Keep. The rewards for the door gauntlet are Mega Pants (outdated by now), Red Essence, Power Blast, and Quartz Charm. Not bad, but not good enough that I'm going to go back and do the other two. Oh well.


The boss slot at the end of the battle gauntlet is Gunpei Yok-- er, Gunyolk. It manages this one move and then gets chumped.


The scripted Box Boy fights in Bean Valley, for when you screw up the slot-machine style chests, are still there. So I know I can take the one in the Boomer slot. This returns me to the entrance to Boomer's room rather than a lengthy chandelie-ho lifting sequence, and reentering the room has me up against


Mack the Knife. His bodyguards do 0 or 1 damage to everyone even without a Timed Defense, so needless to say, he gets chumped.

On to the Gate, and Smithy's Dimension.

The Ding-a-Ling slot is Croco 1, from Bandit's Way. Chumped.
The Cloaker and Domino slot is Birdo, now. She was a ton of HP but can't do much damage to anyone, which I'm going to count as chumped even though it took a while.


Gee, thanks.


Toad's final shop, of "whatever he could carry" up to Smithy's Factory, is nice enough to include Flower Jars. I've made it this far without needing virtually anything by way of magic or techniques, short of the occasional Group Hug, but now I know I won't have to worry about my flower points anymore.

The factory floor clerk is Belome. Chumped.
The factory floor manager is Jinx 3, who actually has some decent damage output through all the cool-ass armor Mario and Bowser are wearing. Peach, still in lategame but shop-buyable armor is actually in moderate danger!
The factory floor Director is replaced by Valentina & Dodo. Since Bowser is in my middle slot, he gets to do the solo duel with Dodo, and Dodo is soundly chumped. Meanwhile, Valentina is unable to crank out even close to the damage Jinx 3 was, so Mario and Peach are in no danger themselves.


And the Gunyolk, a massive terrifying (?) war machine that fires the game's strongest single attack, a Breaker Beam, every other turn is replaced by the Axem Rangers and Blade, who... fires a Breaker Beam every other turn. Huh. Okay.

The Rangers have some surprisingly high attack power, and Peach actually gets KOed from one of Axem Black's 200-damage Spritz Bombs. She takes up her role from the vanilla game and throws out heals for the rest of the fight while Mario and Bowser... uh, take up their role from the vanilla game and thrash the enemies with their attacks.

Blade does a ton of damage with Breaker Beam, but with Bowser's damage output only has a chance to do it once.


Smithy 1 can do like 20 damage, even to Peach, with his Sledge move, or single-digits with the guns in his fingers. Chumped.


I haven't really needed to use the occasional Power Blast or Crystaline I've picked up, but I guess I have no better time but now.


With his attack boosted, this is a low roll for Bowser's damage output on the Magic Head. He manages 900+ at one point. I can keep this up as long as Smithy doesn't use Shredder to remove the boosts...


Ah, yes, of course. To be fair it's the most logical "oh god please stop the hurting" thing Smithy can do.

It does not stop the hurting, though. I have another Power Blast, after all.

[nosimpleway]

There's a new Aria of Sorrow randomizer out, and it turns the game into a roguelike by making equipment progression linear and scrambling the map.

You know how Aria has lots of blind jumps directly onto enemies heads, and the occasional cheap hit from enemies that can start their attack sequence while they're still offscreen, and it's okay because Potions are plentiful and save points restore your HP? Well then how about if we remove all the save points, make potions super rare, and make enemy placement even more obnoxious? We've put these skeleton archers in a long, flat hallway where you get sniped as soon as they're onscreen! This gauntlet of jumps would be easy with a couple of mobility upgrades, but you don't have any yet, and we've added ghosts that appear out of thin air into this room! Here's a vertical shaft full of sirens and tiny devils that approach from directly above you where you can't hit them!

Needless to say it's annoying as hell.