Hottest TF2 Husbando

[Friday]

I did Overwatch, it's only fair.

Scout

Pros: Look at this?! And this?! And this here? Look at all of this!

Cons: He finishes really quick

Soldier

Pros: Handsome as hell, grizzled square jaw, a man's man

Cons: Spends most of his time teleporting bread, talking to severed heads

Demoman

Pros: Scottish, has a giant "sword"

Cons: One errant twitch, and KABLOWIE

Heavy

Pros: Hardworking, good provider, can lift you up where you belong

Cons: Won't stop telling you how much his sperm is worth per minute while ejaculating, not the sharpest tool in the shed

Medic

Pros: Smart, capable, can heal any injury you sustain

Cons: His bird keeps flying inside you and getting all dirty, the severed heads he keeps in the fridge judge you whenever you get a midnight snack

Spy

Pros: Suave, sophisticated, can shapeshift into anyone for bedroom fun

Cons: He doesn't really love anyone (except Scout's mom)

Pyro

Pros: Latex. *eyebrows*

Cons: While turning up the heat in bed is usually regarded as a good thing, in Pyros case, this can easily get out of hand

Sniper

Pros: Steady work, is not a crazed gunman

Cons: Gone most of the time, comes home wearing weird costumes

Engy

Pros: Smart, capable, can build you anything

Cons: Refuses to talk about anything other than practical solutions that involve turrets to any problem you may be having

*********************

Groups of 3, 2 advance.

[Friday]

First up!

Demoman

Spy

Pyro

Vote for 2 to advance.

[Friday]

Demoman 5
Spy 6
Pyro 3

Not a big fan of the latex eh

Or maybe you guys just don't want a husband who is so hot under the collar

get it

Next up:

Scout

Soldier

Sniper

[Mongrel]

Hm. Three characters who probably don't even know how to find their dicks, let alone use them.

Well, at least Soldier is a manly man's man's Man.

[Friday]

how is scout losing

did you not see him? and this? and that? and all this?

[Mongrel]

He's even got a bucket of chicken!

[Lottel]

Sniper smells like pee, soldier has no concept of love that isn't towards a weapon, and scout is good at kissing! Granted, Scout only kisses his reflection but that's gotta count for something.

[Mothra]

Scout of course

[atog]

I am a fried chicken hussy. (We all know the scout dies a virgin, but that won't stop me from voting for him to get at the chicken)

[Friday]

Scout 7
Soldier 4
Sniper 7

So far, tastes have run toward "less insane" with the elimination of Pyro and Soldier and the advancement of Demo, Spy, Scout and Sniper.

Last in the first round:

Heavy

Medic

Engy

[Mongrel]

Heavy and Medic are already a happily married couple.

[Friday]

But if things continue toward dumping the crazy, Medic is next on the chopping block.

And I mean, come on. Heavy is a big teddy bear and Engy's got that sweet Texas drawl. What does Medic have? A bonesaw and a filthy bird? No contest.

[Mongrel]

The medic probably also thinks that consent is some kind of jailhouse perfume.

[atog]

Medic: if he lasts as long as the average ubercharge that's probably a record as far as TF2 performance goes. That said, if I had a nickel every time he shot his load while accidentally locked on to a scoot or sniper, I could build my own Li'l Chew Chew. Also: dirty bird. Doity, stinking, filthy, boids.

Engie: If anyone can get an erection it's this guy. Sadly, whacking it with a wrench for decades has made that a theoretical exercise only.

Heavy: "Don't run. Is only ham." A lot of ham. sure, that ham has been farther up Germany than General Zhukov in 1945, but hey the times, they are a-changin'. I guess. What were we on about? Who started this shit? I have to pick one of these losers right. ok well I choose

the guy who can teleport me inside the no-clip observation room prop on 2Fort

[Friday]

Heavy 3
Medic 4
Engy 6

Our first round has ended.

Our remaining six husbandos are:

Scout
Demoman
Medic
Spy
Sniper
Engy

Same deal. Two groups of three, vote 2. This will give us our TOP FOUR.

[Friday]

First up:

Scout
Demoman
Medic

[Esperath]

summary of this thread

[atog]

Ah the truth about alcohol and erections. Sorry, Tavish.

[Friday]

Scout 6
Demoman 6
Medic 1

Next up:

Spy
Sniper
Engy

[atog]

"weird costumes"

"disguises as sniper wearing weird costume"

Maybe that's my kink. Don't shame.