CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
- Mongrel
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Reminds me of a guy I used to know who would insist that all food was "only a sauce delivery mechanism".
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
<Silversong> okay been talking to sede so now it's time for therapy
- Mongrel
- Posts: 21336
- Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2014 6:28 pm
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Best army story I've read in quite a while.
Swarming kids are no goddamn joke, man. So - true story. And yes it's relevant.
In the U.S. Marines, doing a mock war in the Norwegian city of Trondheim with the Dutch, Germans and other allies, training in urban combat. My infantry unit was positioned in a large soccer field next to an elementary school. Keep in mind there was no actual combat, even simulated; it was mostly just practicing maneuvers and tactics. But we still looked out of place with weapons and gear, etc. It's fucking February. In Norway. Cold as balls. Snow up to our knees. Norway obviously has no snow days, so the kids were all in school.
Anyway, so Norway has this most delicious and amazing delicacy, I have no idea what it's called, but it's basically a bacon-wrapped hot dog; we just assumed it was called Candy of the Lord. As Americans we were naturally and instantly addicted. You find them at gas stations, and there just happened to be one on the other side of the school where we were camped. A few of my fellow Marines and I requested permission to go to the gas station and we set out on our way.
We made it to right about where the main entrance of the school was, and the doors opened; school was out. There were only a few kids, probably 6 or 7 years old. Lots of talking and laughing. Gawking at us as we walked by, with our guns and huge ridiculous snow suits. One precocious little bugger made shooting noises at us. We made shooting noises back.
And then someone in my group. I don't know who. God help me I don't know who...
Someone threw a snowball and hit a little girl in the leg.
And those little Norwegian children unleashed hell.
There was a shrill cry in unintelligible Norseman and the doors to the school burst open. School children flooded out like a never-ending flood of something that never ends. Screeching, smiling, sprinting - how the fuck were they sprinting?? - little bastards were slinging snowballs faster than the laws of physics should allow. It was like that movie Elf. If you can imagine riding in a fast car in a snowstorm and sticking your head out the window. Now imagine the snowflakes that are hitting your face are the size of snowballs. We couldn't fucking see. We couldn't run. We could barely breathe. Holy fuck....
We tried to return fire and threw one, maybe two half-packed, shitty snowballs that fell apart in the air, arms flailing like drunk octopi. I am from Texas. We were a unit stationed in North Carolina. We were so outmatched and out of our element, it only made them laugh harder. We were cutoff from our main forces. We tried to perform a flanking maneuver but fuck me they were fast. I think some of them were throwing rocks!
My comrades. I could see them speed waddling in their huge suits back to camp like a fucked up pair of white Teletubbies, under withering fire. Fuck tactics, fuck me, fuck the Candy of the Lord, this was survival! I was the slow one in the group. My snowboots were too big but they were the smallest size they had at Issue goddammit!! My Marines left me behind.
I tried pulling my hood over my head and keeping my head down. No longer content to pelt my defenseless body with ballistic snow, the enemy swarmed me and dragged me down, cackling like a pack of hyenas descending on a wildebeest. I tried to sling them off by spinning. I came out of one of my boots and fell. I began to scream and plead for them to stop but they neither understood nor gave a single Nordic fuck. They literally pinned me down with about five kids on each limb. It was then that I actually thought - oh shit. I'm really in trouble. My snow-mittens were ripped off and flung into trees. They started shoving snow down my suit. Have you ever had anyone drop an ice cube down your shirt?
Well now imagine someone shoveling handfuls of ice cubes down your shirt. It literally shocked the breath out of my body. Thisishowidie.jpg.gif
They left me laying like a Family Guy accident victim. Moaning and screaming in the cold. Rifle packed with snow and dirt. Boot buried some-fucking-where. They ran away laughing, jabbering in their crazy language. I lay there trying to figure out just what in the great American fuck had happened.
TL;DR - Norwegians discover way to defeat American Marines using bacon and small children.
LPT -don't ever, ever get in a snowball fight with Norwegian school kids.
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
<Juniper> Romosome: Do you know the band Yes?
<Romosome> I
<Romosome> believe I do
<Juniper> No, Yes.
— Juniper :3 :3
<Juniper> though that one is intentionally bad >_>
<Romosome> okay hang on
<Romosome> what happens if I say yes
<myew> Yes if the time it happens.
<Juniper> "Yes."
<Romosome> that's just a conversation with Friday
<Romosome> I
<Romosome> believe I do
<Juniper> No, Yes.
— Juniper :3 :3
<Juniper> though that one is intentionally bad >_>
<Romosome> okay hang on
<Romosome> what happens if I say yes
<myew> Yes if the time it happens.
<Juniper> "Yes."
<Romosome> that's just a conversation with Friday
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Friday, do you know the band Yes?
How fleeting are all human passions compared with the massive continuity of ducks.
- Mongrel
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Upthorn wrote:Friday, you do know the band, Yes?
- nosimpleway
- Posts: 4624
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
The Band isn't playing until later.
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Not entirely sure why, but I feel compelled to post this
#finalfight wrote:[04:54] * Royal has joined #finalfight
[04:55] <Royal> Imagine Paul Simon approaches you and offers to let you call him Al if you he can call you Betty. Like, what a fucked up deal
[05:01] <Royal> Silence. About what I'd expected from the morbid, liberal intelligentsia of our modern age, too afraid of bold ideas about Paul Simon to say anything
[05:01] * Royal Quit (Quit: Leaving)
[05:27] <Lady> Lol what
[05:27] <Lady> Was that a joke
[05:27] <Mazian> The people were ASTONISHED at his doctrine
How fleeting are all human passions compared with the massive continuity of ducks.
- Mongrel
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
He went to Graceland.
- nosimpleway
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Most of the song is about midlife crisis but the part everyone remembers was based on a real thing that happened, where Paul and his then-wife Peggy were at a party or something and someone kept referring to them as "Al" and "Betty".
As I am not and have never been married to Paul Simon I am in no danger of him offering to call me Betty.
As I am not and have never been married to Paul Simon I am in no danger of him offering to call me Betty.
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
so wait, how does Chevy Chase fit into all this
- nosimpleway
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
You can call him Chevy, and you can call him Chevrolet, and Betty when you call him you can call him Al, but you doesn't have to call him Johnson
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Unfortunately Chevy got in a fist fight with several other potential jokes in the thread and had to be escorted off the premises
signature
- Mongrel
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Extremely accurate.
- Mongrel
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Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
[10:10 PM]Grath:
[10:11 PM]Upthorn: not wrong, though
[10:54 PM]Kishi:
[10:54 PM]Kishi: Maid cafes are the Japanese equivalent of Hooters.
[11:04 PM]Upthorn: True, that statement captures the chronology more accurately
[11:08 PM]Upthorn: But the important thing is that we can imagine an anime or video game that localizes "maid cafe" to "hooters"
[11:25 PM]Upthorn: (specifically in the manner of pokemon localizing "nigiri" to "jelly donut")
[1:27 AM]nosimpleway: "Something about this maid Cafe seems... off." "Eat your hamburgers, Apollo."
[10:11 PM]Upthorn: not wrong, though
[10:54 PM]Kishi:
The first permanent[1] maid café, Cure Maid Café, was established in Akihabara, Tokyo, Japan, in March 2001,[2]
Hooters, Inc., was incorporated in Clearwater, Florida, on April 1, 1983
[10:54 PM]Kishi: Maid cafes are the Japanese equivalent of Hooters.
[11:04 PM]Upthorn: True, that statement captures the chronology more accurately
[11:08 PM]Upthorn: But the important thing is that we can imagine an anime or video game that localizes "maid cafe" to "hooters"
[11:25 PM]Upthorn: (specifically in the manner of pokemon localizing "nigiri" to "jelly donut")
[1:27 AM]nosimpleway: "Something about this maid Cafe seems... off." "Eat your hamburgers, Apollo."
Re: CHAT DUMP (and Quotes)
Hellsite isn't exactly what I'd call chat, but this felt too good to pass up.
Mx. Juniper System
It is incredible to think that we have had the same group of friends, from the same IRC channel, for 20+ years.
We all still USE the IRC channel.
We're talking on it right now.
Hi Yoji!
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Yoji
It does feel like one of the only bunches of people with their heads screwed on right.
(peeks into the channel, sees "3:13:29 PM sede: no two human asses are the same")
...uh, relatively speaking.
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Mx. Juniper System
lmfao
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