HOW WAS YOUR DAY

[Friday]

Ran my campaign last night, was unhappy and feeling ill the whole time. Got into a fight with one of my players, because I lost patience and snapped at them. My fault, they weren't doing anything they don't normally do. Woke up this morning with a painful sore throat and feeling absolutely like shit. Weak, dizzy, muscles ache. Can't get comfortable. Reading or watching youtube to keep myself entertained hurts and gives me a headache. I'm loaded up on ibuprofen and am sucking down lozanges, but still feel awful. I hate being sick.

I apologized to my players already, and they seemed to accept it, but I still hate how I acted. It really annoys me when I can't control myself. I've always been an emotional person, but in recent times I've made some headway in controlling myself. Last night feels like a backslide.

Had to cancel all my plans today, it was supposed to be a fun day where I went up to Table Mountain with my friends for hiking. Now I am sitting with my eyes closed feeling awful. Depression came slamming back in, which always happens when I'm sick, but also is worse because of how I acted last night. Sometimes being a sack of chemicals really fucking sucks.

[Mongrel]

It really annoys me when I can't control myself. I've always been an emotional person, but in recent times I've made some headway in controlling myself. Last night feels like a backslide.

Oh man, I feel that one.

Sorry Friday, that just sucks all around.

[hngkong]

Depression came slamming back in, which always happens when I'm sick, but also is worse because of how I acted last night. Sometimes being a sack of chemicals really fucking sucks.

Someone really important to me told me something when I was at a real low point that helped a lot.

depression is almost literally a form of insidious mind control by a disease

My therapist reminds me that progress isn't always forward, sometimes we backslide, but it's what we do afterwards, like apologizing.
She also points out that we can't control our emotions and sometimes we do make regrettable choices, especially when we don't feel well. You already apologized, so you should give yourself some grace. If not for yourself, do it for us.

[Büge]

and not the hot kind of mind control where you can enjoy it, either

I'm sorry, Friday. Brains are difficult sometimes. It doesn't mean you're a bad person.

[Upthorn]

Depression came slamming back in, which always happens when I'm sick, but also is worse because of how I acted last night. Sometimes being a sack of chemicals really fucking sucks.

Full sympathies. I know that feeling and you sure don't deserve it.
A trick that has sometimes helped me is to remind myself that the other party has better knowledge of the level of hurt/harm I inflicted, and might have been exercising reasonable judgment when accepting my apology.

[Friday]

thanks all. i feel a little better mentally today, but my throat is worse. this better not be fucking strep i swear to god.

I get sick so infrequently (less than 1/ year) because I'm such a massive germaphobe. I wash my hands constantly (so much so that i have to use lotion on them every night or they'll dry out) and won't touch anything in public, especially not door handles, shopping cart pushbars, etc. Anyway it means when I do get sick I hate it a lot.

I talked to my friends again and they seemed to be understanding and told me not to worry about it, I was sick and also that being my friend is just accepting that I get angery sometimes. I'm still angry at myself though because I shouldn't be taking out my anger issues on those who care about me.

It's just an old pattern of behavior with me. I can remember getting really upset with people here in the past for what turned out to be no good reason at all.

[Büge]

I wash my hands constantly (so much so that i have to use lotion on them every night or they'll dry out)

Same hat!

[Thad]

It is so fucking dry here that lotioning my hands daily was never enough to stop them from cracking and I eventually started lotioning them every time I wash them.

[Newbie]

I am currently eating dinner at a restaurant. I couldn't figure out how drinks work; they weren't listed on the menu. They also didn't come with my meal, and the waiter didn't ask me about the subject, so now I'm 3/4ths of the way through my meal with no drink, and at this point I don't want to admit I didn't set out to bring about this situation deliberately, so now I can officially declare that the Undertale character I identify with the most is the guy who just hangs out in the hotel restaurant consuming dew off of a focus.

[Mongrel]

What kinda restaurant? Like, a normal one, or some weirdo hipster joint?

[Newbie]

Casablanca Mediterranean Grill in Philadelphia. Highly rated; moderate prices. In the Google Maps photo, I was seated at the second-closest table on the right. They were also part Mediterranean grocery store, and if the patrons at the other tables were any indication, there was apparently some arrangement where you get bottled drinks from a refrigerator which I had overlooked? But like I said, by the time I'd worked all this out, I was committed to my course.

[Silversong]

On my walk in to work this morning, I saw a driver stop at a red light and immediately begin playing a tin whistle.

[nosimpleway]

I've been getting emails purportedly from Epic games for a while. They were all in a Cyrillic alphabet, so I just tossed them as spam or phishing attempts.

Unrelated to that, a few weeks ago someone prompted me to Google my own username. Not surprisingly, a lot of it points to LPs here (or people who have hotlinked to images from LPs here, which has happened a couple of times). But there's another NoSimpleWay, this time with capitalization, out there somewhere. They play a lot of Path of Exile, and most Google links are to pages about that. They are from somewhere that uses a Cyrillic alphabet. You see where this is going.

I don't know whether I nosimpleway or that other guy NoSimpleWay was first to sign up for the name, but I'm the one who got to the email address of nosimpleway at gmail first. It would appear that when NoSimpleWay signed up on Epic they did not put in whatever identifying difference between my email address and theirs, so all of the Cyrillic messages I've been getting from Epic have been communique intended for them. Including their sales receipts.

Because when I sign in to Epic Games using my Google account of nosimeplway at gmail dot com, there's all The Other NoSimpleWay's stuff. They really like Borderlands 3, apparently.

So I'm just gonna... not do anything with this Epic account for a while, I guess. I don't want any new account activity wrapped up in whatever stink they're going to assuredly cause when they realize their account has been, uh, "hacked". I've got the email address on file and the 2FA set up. All their complaint responses are going to come to me anyway. I'll try to get this cleared up with Epic once that happens.

[Silversong]

People keep talking about Good Morning America being in town next week, like that's a normal thing to be excited about. How is this show still running? Who's watching it? Do they have to adjust their set's rabbit ears?

[Silversong]

On my way in to the office this morning, walked past a guy and heard, "All you worthless cunts are going to hell for being <20 seconds of insults> cunts." Given the volume didn't change he must have followed me for a few feet.

This just happens sometimes as a result of walking while female. But given the timing, now I'm wondering if I'm going to see an uptick in this crap leading up to and after the election.

[Friday]

*hugs*

I remember the insane uptick in online racism and homophobia leading up to and directly after the 2016 election, it was everywhere for about a 9 month period. It got so bad that I could literally not go a day playing online games without seeing the N-word and the F-slur.

[Upthorn]

I've been quietly working on a hobby project for about a month now. Made good progress with decent momentum. Now I'm at the point where the next step is packaging it so I can recruit help

And I know exactly how to do this, and have all the skills required, but I'm just suddenly paralyzed and can't find any motivation.

[Mongrel]

Back to Smelly ole Tronna today.