Keep Wishing You Were Me, and I'll Keep Making You Have To. Let's Play Cassette Beasts!

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Part 14: Complicated Crushed Up Disappointed Squirming Angry Thrusting Stabbing Regretting Starving Greedy Human Alien Being



I'm just running around fighting Rogue Fusions for a while. A couple bootlegs show up before this habit bears its intended fruit, but that's fine, I'll take 'em. For the most accurate musical experience for this section of the game, just loop Like Chimeras for an hour or two.


Oh yeah, Sunny does get one more scene. Forgot about that.
Music: Eugene's Theme (Heartfelt)

Sunny: ...I just don't think it's... I think we should just be friends.
Eugene: Is this because of my whole "campaign to take down the Landkeepers" thing? I know we're an unlikely pair but I can't stop thinking about you. It's weird.
Sunny: No, it's not that. I'm not a Landkeeper now. I think... I haven't been "Sunny" for long. I need more time to be me. I have enjoyed our "date", though.
Eugene: I understand. Don't worry about it, Sunny.

Seriously dude she just developed sentience a couple days ago let her live a little.


I have to go back to check in with Wilma once in a while so I get cut off by a few more Ranger Captain check-ins.

Captain Heather: ...Well? Do you miss it? Life in the brobdingnagian city, I mean. I know I do!
Leader Ianthe: It certainly was more exciting... but that doesn't mean life was better. I lived my whole life in a mega-metropolis. The only trees I had seen were made in factories. The stars had long been blotted out by the skyscrapers and their neon facades. The value of life was fleeting, and you had to harden your spirit if you wanted to stay alive in such a cruel world.
You can imagine that when I first landed here, it took a long time for me to get used to this pace of life!
Captain Heather: That's... a bit more of an answer than I was expecting, boss!


Hoylake gives his final set of prizes, now that I've collected 130 monsters. That's a total set by the game before the DLC came out, so with the extra dozen or so out there in Honk Heaven it's not tough to catch all the 'ems. He gives me 15 Fused Material, an Upgrape, three Olive-Ups, a Ritual Candle, an Optical Laser Tape, a few type-specific tapes, and a pile of currency resources.

With that fifteen extra Fused Material in hand I have enough to buy a Bansheep tape and a Candevil tape from Wilma, but I already did writeups for those back in the first update.


Rogue Fusions, Monster Swarms, and "Unidentified Signals" all appear on my map thanks to my radar. Unidentified Signals are non-fusion monsters that can appear in Rogue Fusion spots, and two of the ones I have yet to record are those. I give some extra priority to hunting those down, and after a few duds, it pays off.


Picksie was first encountered in the spider caves where all the Ferriclaws and Auriclaws were hanging out. Upon entering its room, it gets a (!) surprise balloon and immediately burrows into the dirt so it can't be fought. That's the trigger for Picksies to start appearing in Rogue Fusion spots.
Even then, Picksies on the map will spin in place to check their surroundings, and if they spot the player character coming, will burrow away just like the first one did. Gotta sneak up on 'em.


Kingrave takes out the Wingloom early so I can focus.


Picksie shows off its unique skill, which is no help to it whatsoever in a fight. Now whoever wins the fight will get 25 extra Wheat! Good use of a turn, Picksie.


Stubborn little thing.


Sheesh.


#128 Picksie, the "masked goblin with a pick axe"
"Picksies are avid miners, and will spend years of their lives excavating caves and tombs for gemstones and treasures. They often adorn themselves with the treasures they uncover, and equip themselves with armour or weapons they find, too."
Those are some Shining-Kuneko-like stats, making Picksie a pretty good choice for an earth-type on the team. That said, its gimmicks have little to do with combat. It gets Gemstone Wall, a special variety of Earth Wall that grants whoever it's protecting an extra AP each round.
It also, as displayed, gets Treasure Dig, which has a 50% chance of spontaneously generating a random item. If its opponent is lower level, it's always a currency resource. If its opponent is higher level than it is, it has a small chance of coming up with something better -- a status cure item, a type-specific tape, or even a Fused Material, Upgrape, or Olive Up. It's probably possible to set up repeated use of Treasure Dig by keeping an opponent asleep, but even against a high-level opponent the chances of getting anything I'd actually want are pretty low, so I'm not gonna bother.
The inspiration: There's been a few fae creatures that myth says live underground and like to mine for valuables, from knockers to dwarves up to the gnomes that Paracelsus came up with. The bestiary index entry mentions dwarves specifically.

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Captain Codey: ...If I knew that people would be calling me "Codey" forever, I would have picked a cooler nickname. Like "Killswitch", or "Omegabyte".

For when you're going monster mode!

Leader Ianthe: I mean, you can just pick your own name. I did.
Captain Codey: Wait... Your name wasn't always Ianthe?
Leader Ianthe: Nope! In my former line of work, it was safer to pick an alias - I'm sure you can relate. "Ianthe" is the name of a water goddess in Greek mythology. I needed to choose a name in a pinch and thought it sounded good.
Captain Codey: Huh. You sure do have a lot of secrets of your own, don't you?
Leader Ianthe: Don't expect me to tell you any more than that!

Anyway I'm actually here to pick up another Candevil tape, please and thank you.

A while later...


#017 Vendemon, the "demon wearing a gumball machine"
"A Candevil that has built itself a suit of protective armour out of metal and glass. It has been theorised that their strange attire is an attempt to resemble astronauts, but no-one knows for sure."
I need the basic form of Candevil, both monsters from the "Machinery" remaster line, and the middle remaster from the "Alchemy" line. I already have Miasmodeus, remember? So first Candevil gets to be a Vendemon.
And... well, it's the more defensive-oriented of the two Candevil lines. It keeps just enough Ranged Attack that Bon Bon Blast stays relevant, and picks up Coal Story and Multi Shot for more where that came from. At five stars it learns Magnet, like any good tanky monster should.
The inspiration: This seems more like a candy-themed monster than anything particularly devilish, but if you're going to cram a monster into a gumball machine then a perfectly round leering eyeless face is a pretty good choice of how to do it. I like that its horns come off the glass of its helmet, rather than the head of the creature inside.


#022 Zombleat, a "ghostly sheep carrying a gravestone"
"The Zombleat is a spirit that has refused to ascend to the afterlife. It clings to the grave and earth where it was buried, and may perhaps leave the mortal plane forever if it were to let go of its own headstone."
Likewise, returning to the earth upon remastering turns Bansheep into its line's more defense-oriented build. It still gets Coal Story, but learns Multi Smack instead of Multi Shot. And instead of Magnet to draw attacks, it gets Crumble to break down other monsters' walls.
The inspiration: The corporeal undead sheep to contrast Wooltergeist's incorporeal undead sheep.


This doesn't have anything to do with anything, I just think it's funny that a Rogue Fusion can show up in the middle of Mourningtown and nobody even notices it's there.

A moderate amount of Fusion-hunting later...


#018 Gumbaal, the "towering living gumball machine"
"Gumbaals have fused with their metal armour and have morphed into a towering being. The glass dome that forms its head is filled with various elemental spheres, which the Gumbaal can spit up as a defensive measure."
As with other three-stage remasters, Gumbaal picks up most of its bread-and-butter moves in the middle form and tops them off with effects and support in the last. Shield Bash makes sense, Headshot as a capstone, and Ritual, Shrapnel, and Gambit for anyone who might want them.
The inspiration: I like that the twisty knob for dispensing the candy has turned into a bowtie. Nice.


#023 Capricorpse, the "skeletal sheep with a gravestone on its back"
"The Capricorpse's spirit has merged entirely with its own remains, forming a body of bone, soil, and stone. They are hulking beasts, and can grow larger over centuries as more earth slowly adds to their mass."
Shield Bash makes... well, a little less sense, since Gumbaal at least has a same-type attack bonus on it that Capricorpse doesn't. Last Rites as a capstone, and Ritual and Haunt to provide a nice compare/contrast with the other defensive starter.
The inspiration: It doesn't really look all that skeletal, does it?


Back to collecting Fused Materials, then. I could talk about all the Fusions I'm up against, I guess, but what is there to say? This one is just Djinntime.


Captain Judas: ...I'm serious, Ianthe. The latest batch of ranger trainees just don't have what it TAKES. They don't understand that strategy matters more than just transforming into the scariest monster.
Leader Ianthe: Well isn't that your job - to teach them? The newcomers are enthusiastic, and that's a good start. Who better than to teach them combat tactics then a master tactician?

...Ianthe? You got a little mixed up, there. Do you smell toast?

Captain Judas: Heh. I see your point. I'll reserve my judgement... For now.


I've put Meredith back in my party, mostly because Cat-5 still has all the Random Starter stickers I put on it way back when, and it helps end tedious Rogue Fusion fights quickly. This means Eugene can catch up on all those conversations he's missed.

Eugene: ...So you washed up on New Wirral after being shipwrecked in a storm, right?
Viola: Yes, that is correct.
Eugene: And you're looking for your twin brother, Sebastian... This just sounds really familiar and I don't know why. Are you famous? Have we met before?
Viola: I can assure you that I am no-one of notoriety or interest. As for whether we've met? I'm sure I would remember someone as spirited as thee, Eugene.
Eugene: I guess so. Still, your story seems so familiar...

Somehow this point in the game is where I realize that a fresh tape of a non-remastered monster doesn't need much motivation to star up. I can go Bulletino Charge into a couple level 1 Traffikrabs on the beach to KO them before the fight even starts, and get the first star on a new monster tape. The second star isn't much more than that. For the third and up I go fight Rogue Fusions like I have been.

Well, whatever.


#015 Malchemy, the "smiling devil holding a glass vial"
"A series of strange internal chemical changes can cause a Candevil to mature into a Malchemy. This also causes the Malchemy to become fixated on the esoteric art of potion making, which often ends up badly for the Malchemy."
Bansheep turns into the defensive Zombleat or the melee-attack Wooltergeist. Candevil turns into the defensive Vendemon, or... Well, I already talked about Miasmodeus's focus on ranged attacks, but yeah. There's symmetry here.
Whereas Wooltergeist gets Shooting Star and Zephyr, Malchemy gets Toxic Stab running off its lower attack stat. At least it gets Pustule Bomb, which is on point for it. Wooltergeist is the only monster that naturally learns Phase Shift, likewise Malchemy is the only monster to naturally learn Chemical Imbalance. If Malchemy lands a type-advantaged hit, Chemical Imbalance has a chance to trigger the next move on Malchemy's move list for free. If that's another attack move and it's also type-advantaged, then Chemical Imbalance may well trigger it again in a self-sustaining feedback loop.
The inspiration: Man, I don't know what Malchemy is supposed to look like. Your guess is as good as mine. To fit in with the potion-brewing motif, Malchemy doesn't just huck that vial it's holding at the enemy for its ranged attacks. It takes a sip of whatever fluid there is inside, then spits the fluid as its attack.

And I've already done a writeup for Miasmodeus, so that's almost it. One more critter to find...


These shadowy figures are still appearing... but still vanish as soon as I get close, before I can interact with them.

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I'm still collecting Fused Materials, so once in a while I'll come back to trade them in for the regular inventory expansions and stuff Wilma has to offer for them. This means I'm still getting to eavesdrop on the ranger captains as they report in.

Captain Cybil: ...And if we installed speakers throughout Harbourtown, I could broadcast music to the entire town at once! Think about it! You're always talking about community spirit - what would unite our wonderful townsfolk more than a shared aural experience every day?
Leader Ianthe: I don't know, Cybil. I suspect the folks around here have quite a diverse taste in music. I could see it being a controversial decision.
Captain Cybil: Hmm. I see your point.
Leader Ianthe: Hey, I never said it was off the table entirely! I'll tell you what: if Skip manages to dig up some intact hi-fi speakerse one day, I'll propose the idea at the following town hall meeting.
Captain Cybil: That's the spirit!


Hmm.


Get outta the way, magnet box, I'm trying to do a Let's Play here.

Ahem.

There's a ranger cache on top of this hill in Cherry Meadows. I've passed by here a dozen times already, so you'd think I'd have noticed a cache. Out here in the open. By itself. I wonder what could possibly be inside?




It took about an hour of searching just for this. Malchemy is a Miasmodeus now, for instance, and already has a couple of stars in that form. This took a while before the game decided to spawn one. But here it is, the last monster in the bestiary (until postgame).


Well, shit.


In my excitement in finally finding the damn thing I forget to swap Cat-5 out for Meredith, and she pummels Miss Mimic into submission before I have any chance to stop her.


Rats.

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I'm not sure exactly why it happened in the next Rogue Fusion fight over, but accompanying the Hoppin (Hopskin/Snoopin hybrid) was a glitter-type bootleg Snoopin. And despite Meredith doing her thing, wiping out the Hoppin with Last Rites, then knocking out both of its component parts with The Old 1-2, then continuing to beat up the bootleg... it just stayed there. It tenaciously held on with 1 HP, for no reason I can work out, giving me the chance to bring out a tape and record it. So I have a glittery Snoopin bootleg now... but why couldn't Miss Mimic have done that? Grumble, grumble.


Miss Mimic won't start appearing until the player character is at least level 50. I'm not sure what took it so long to show up, I'm already level 80... but the game is not so stingy about spawning the second one.


I swapped Meredith out from Cat-5 to the new fire-type Triphinx, to keep her from going all NO MOG NO on Miss Mimic again. I do manage to make the effort of recording somewhat simpler when Ramtasm procs its one Random Starter and uses a single strong, but survivable, hit.


First record failed. Second record failed because Miss Mimic used Double Slice and knocked snalligator down to dangerously low HP.


Next turn Meredith was the one to try and record, while Ramtasm pounded on Miss Mimic with a critical hit on The Old 1-2, compounded by the damage-over-time from Miss Mimic's burn. That got Meredith's record chance all the way up to 52%, and she won the coin flip.


#119 Miss Mimic, the "booby-trapped item locker"
"Miss Mimics can replicate the appearance of objects of great value. Now on New Wirral, they have taken to resembling the item caches left across the island by the rangers. An unsuspecting ranger expecting some valuable supplies might instead find Miss Mimic's barbed claws."
She'd be a better ambush predator if she could keep her mouth shut. When appearing as an item cache, Miss Mimic will always say something to give herself away, with a yes/no prompt asking whether you wanna open the cache anyway. Check out that Melee Attack... Miss Mimic can appear in Rogue Fusions now, combining that massive attack power with something else. Maybe a Kingrave. Maybe a Jellyton. Maybe another Miss Mimic. I shudder to think.
Befitting her stat spread, Miss Mimic doesn't mess around with much in the way of status or effect moves. She gets Sharp Edges, but that serves to add a damage kicker to her regular attacks as much as anything. Double Slice, Plastic Knife, Toxic Stab, all topped off with Stab in the Dark.
The inspiration: Gary Gygax may not have invented the idea of a monster that pretends to be something valuable that ambushes whoever tries to take it, but he certainly popularized the idea. Notably, Miss Mimic is not the toothy, bitey sort of mimic popularized in Japanese media by the Cannibox from Dragon Quest, she attacks with her claws. This hews closer to the original Mimic illustrated in the 1977 Monster Manual, which is forming a pseudopod to deck the hapless adventurer glued to it.
Come to think of it, virutally no mimics in non-D&D media ever bother with the sticky glue secretions, do they. Miss Mimic doesn't have anything like that either, though she'd benefit from gluing her target down so she could land Stab In The Dark once in a while.

Okay, that's it for monster-hunting, until I finish the game. And having done that, there's, uh, not much left to do but finish the game. I can go rematch the ranger captains, and I can hunt down the last couple Archangels in the last couple stations I've unlocked but haven't completed, but nobody back in Harbourtown has had a Rumour to tell me in a while. That's why the last few updates haven't had a Wherever I Am Now at the end, and why this one won't have one either. Here, watch:

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Part 15: A Comeback So Long In Coming, But Note-Perfect From Overture to Encore


I've only got two quests left to do, really: rematch the captains and clear out the last of the Mer-Line stations. I've got a bunch of rumours telling me exactly where each station is, but that's not a different thing, now is it? Anyway, I'll take the ranger rematches first.

So the music for this update in its entirety is Face Down, or the lyrical version if you prefer. I don't think I've had occasion to link that one yet.

Captain Heather: My forecast was correct: you're a ranger captain now! This is a perfect time for a rematch, don't you think?


But every refight is... more of the same. The captains' favored gimmicks don't change significantly. Given the chance, Heather would whip out Fog to shut down ranged attacks and Avalanche to stay safe from melee hits.


So I'm not gonna let 'em do that. I brought Meredith and Cat-5 along, mostly because she had almost my entire stock of Random Starter still equipped from her time in the party. Cat-5 procs enough Random Starters to knock out both Heather and her partner's opening monsters.
One change made to Captain rematch fights is that the humans behind the monsters are invincible. Heather takes an extra Last Rites to the chin without a monster to soak the hit for her, and takes zero damage from it.


Difficulty modification: the captain's partner has a second monster to use. Zeustrike, in this case.




Difficulty modification: once both the captain and their assistant are on their second monster, the two of them fuse. It is possible to avoid this by knocking out both monsters held by either opponent before knocking out the first possessed by the other.


It is also possible to avoid this by equipping five copies of Cold Fusion onto a monster present when the two combine. Cold Fusion does 20% damage to and monster when it fuses, and 20% plus 20% plus 20% plus 20% plus 20% is 100%.


And once a human-controlled monster Fusion is busted, it breaks both component tapes. So that's that for Captain Heather -- done in entirely by passive skills. (This is why Machine Curse was added to the game.)

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Captain Gladiola: They are saying you're the new ranger captain. Perhaps you wish to sharpen your skills with me once more?








As with Captain Heather, Captain Gladiola doesn't get to move before Cat-5 takes out the first round of monsters and Cold Fusion takes out the second.


Captain Cybil: Wow, we have a breaking story for your listeners out there! The recently appointed Captain snalligator has arrived at the studio for a surprise appearance! The listeners are figuratively dying for a second performance from you! Are you game for another battle?


This time Cybil and her buddy do open with Echolocation, so when they Shrapnel, it hits both of us. And when they change the tape, we both switch, and both take Shrapnel damage.


They get to do this because Meredith boofed every chance to use Custom Starter when the fight started, so Cybil and her assistant get the chance to set up their gimmick.


...which then backfires, because they switch Meredith back to Cat-5, giving every Random Starter another chance to fire, and this time she beats the crap out of them both.


Granted, she doesn't quite finish off Cybil's Zeustrike, so while her partner is on her second monster, she's still on her first. They don't fuse, and I focus fire on the assistant's Decibelle before I finish Cybil's Zeustrike.


This leaves Cybil by herself with her last monster, a glass-type bootleg Smogmagog.


Huh, there's still a type interaction I haven't seen yet. Thought I'd done that already. Anyway, the one interaction beast-type has, and one of the few interactions glass-type has, is to scatter glass shards around for a bit of damage against anyone who uses a melee attack and has to tread over the broken glass to reach their target.


Normally Cybil doesn't have a lot of melee attacks, but Wonderful 7 put her to sleep and she tries to Sleep Walk a couple of times.


With glass shards active I don't want to keep using Ripterra or Cat-5, so I swap Meredith over to Adeptile. Zapping Smogmagog with Magic Tome drops is Ranged Defense, further hastening the end of the fight while I sit back and snipe from the far side of the broken glass all over the ground.


Good job, Cybil! You did better than Heather and Gladiola combined!

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Captain Buffy: Hi there, ranger! I heard the news about your promotion! Does that mean you're here for another work-out?


Meredith is somewhat more proactive this time, knocking out Buffy's Lilligator and damaging her Elfless. After that it's the usual AP generation/refund/donation shenanigans from these two. I also KO Buffy's Faerious before I manage to take down her assistant's Blossomaw.


I don't know if it's by accident or design, but in this fight Buffy used three monsters and her assistant only one. Buffy got Lilligator, Faerious, and Galagor, while her assistant only used Blossomaw.


Galagor manages to accrue the 10 AP it needs for Buffy's Angelic Att-- no, that's not right. It's just Headshot, but it can't even knock out Ripterra. What's the point of saving up all that AP, then?


A couple Bites, a couple Toxic Stabs, and that's that.


Captain Codey: So, ranger captain, you've returned to battle your most challenging opponent ever, am I right?

Yeah, but you'll have to do.


Meredith once more decides that sweeping the field with Random Starter isn't all that important.


As with Cybil, the ability to add Echolocation on top of whatever gimmick the captain uses is a very useful idea indeed.


Codey's Artillerex then uses Multi Shot to very nearly knock snalligator out.


I don't know why Heather turned into Hedgestrike, and Gladiola into Cryostain, but Codey turns into... "Codey".


But it took long enough for me to knock out Apocrowlypse that I got to respool and switch into Triphinx, so I had my Cold Fusion-er on the battlefield when Codey Codeyfied. No problem.

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Captain Lodestein: Word about town is that you're one of us now. Congratulations are in order! What would you say to a rematch? I've been itching to fight again since our last bout.


Needless to say after the initial triggering of Random Starter I don't want Cat-5 around. Lodestein still throws down a bunch of Conductive status, and Cat-5's lightning attacks would trigger those too. I'm not gonna take HP damage off my own attacks, no thanks.


Smogmagog seems to be a popular choice for extra additional monster. Having seen two of those and Buffy's Galagor, it seems like the captain rematches have a preference for tanky monsters that stretch the fight out as long as possible, or fuse into something really hard to knock out.


(Assuming I do not immediately destroy the fusion with passive skills as soon as it joins together.)


Captain Clee-0: I have been informed that you're one of us captains now. What do you say - fancy another roll of the dice?


Clee-0 has remastered her Allseer into a Khufo, her partner's Masquerattle is now a Jormungold... and Meredith decides Random Starter isn't all that important again. And in this mostly-luck-based gimmick, I get some bad rolls and snalligator drops.


I'm in trouble. Snalligator was transformed into my Triphinx, and Triphinx was the one equipped with Cold Fusion. Arkidd is fast (and Clee-0's Arkidd has a bunch of troublesome passives) and Triphinx is sturdy, fusion adds them together, then Gambit multiplies that further. This might be it, I won't be making it out of this fight.


lmfao

Clee-0's partner's Jormungold set up Gambit, though Clee-0 herself did not. By the time I KOed Jormungold, there was one round left on Gambit. That status carried over to partner's Triphinx, then to Arphinx. At the start of Clee-0's Arphinx's first turn, Gambit runs out.


I don't need Cold Fusion this time, because Arphinx self-destructs. Victory is mine.

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Kayleigh: Hey, I have a question for you, Felix! I know you draw cartoons, but do you also design tattoos?
Felix: I can't say I have! Are you looking to get inked?
Kayleigh: Hmm. I think I like the idea of getting a tattoo in theory. But in reality, I think I'm just too indecisive. I couldn't possibly make such a permanent decision.

...then why'd you ask?


Captain Wallace: Y'alright! The talk of the town is that you're now one of us captains! Ain't that a perfect time for a rematch! What do you say?


The first, most obvious problem with Wallace is that he and his partners both prefer plastic-types, which are insulated against lightning attacks. After the first hit, every time Cat-5 charges in, it takes a bit of contact damage.


Cat-5 knocks out the partner's Weevilite, and Triphinx finishes Wallace's off with a fire-type spit. So now they've both got poison coatings and Cat-5 could, theoretically, keep using lightning moves.


Except now I've knocked out both of their first mons, and the fight is over. That wall that went up doesn't protect against Cold Fusion.


Captain Skip: Greetings! I was told that you're one of the captains now? That's wonderful! Perhaps we should celebrate with another fight - what do you say, captain?


Skip's Binvaders have been remastered up into Binterlopers, giving me the same problems with Cat-5's starters as before.


Cat-5 sets up several layers of contact damage on both Binterlopers, but manages to KO the assistant's. But Skip's whole gimmick is having a lot of Binvaders/Binterlopers in play, so it's replaced by another. This one's a water-type bootleg, though.


If it were me, I'd have giving both Skip and his buddy Custom Starter on their movelist right above Metal Wall. Random Starter triggers a random move off the user's movelist, but Custom Starter always triggers the next move on the movelist. If they had Custom Starter, then they'd put up Metal Wall immediately at the start of the fight instead of having to spend a turn doing it. I'd still destroy it in one turn with Echolocation/fire-type Spit, but they would have saved themselves a turn.


God bless 'em they're trying, but it's one more hit before Skip has to bring out his own bootleg Binterloper, this one a grass-type.


But isn't this a little self-defeating, anyway? You want as many Binterlopers as possible on the field, reducing that number by one by gluing two of them together is not going to make things better for you. Not that it really matters either way, Skipterloper gets annihilated by Cold Fusion like anyone else.

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Viola: Surely, Felix, you have longed for freedom upon the seas? To sail to lands that are not yet even a splinter upon the horizon?
Felix: Well, finding freedom in my life is important to me, but sailing the seven seas isn't entirely what I have in mind. Working for myself and living on my own terms, though? That sounds pretty good to me.
Viola: Perhaps you would also find fulfillment on the sea. You will never truly know without setting sail!
Felix: I suppose not!


Starting to suspect that these shadowy figures either have a very low chance of doing... whatever it is they do that isn't vanishing as soon as I get closer than three paces, or they don't start doing it until postgame. I've deliberately not looked it up!


Captain Zedd: Hey, new guy! New captain, I mean. I heard that you're one of us now. If you want to fight again, I have some free time before my next nap. Are you in?


Galagor is sturdy, but Pyromeleon is not. I focus fire on the partner so that by the time Zedd can start sleeping, it's already knocked out.


The first time Locked On gets used, I've had enough time to knock out Galagor. So Lock On is going to have to work for whatever Zedd's second monster fusion is capable of.


Turns out that's a Djinn Entonic... and it turns out that doesn't matter because Cold Fusion is still in effect.

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Captain Penny Dreadful: Well, well, well, if it isn't our latest ranger captain? 'Av you come out here to show this girl a night on the town? Or perhaps it's something else. Are you in fact 'ere for another round in the ring with me? Alright then! Since we're equals, you can expect me to hold nothin' back this time!


If I realized what was gonna happen I'd have put Zephyr on Triphinx. I guess it doesn't matter, by the time they're Vitrified they're already out half their HP. No reason to try to Resonance them to death from here.


this guy Haunts


Cat-5 can't normally use Phase Shift, but I happen to have a rare Phase Shift sticker with the enhancement that it can go onto any tape.


They were at half HP before the fight even started, then they wasted a turn on Haunt, then the assistant's Fortiwinx wasted a turn on Dog Years. Plenty of time to knock both out.


Which means the fight is over.


Captain Judas: An intel drop has informed me that you're now one of us ranger captains. Impressive work. Are you here for a rematch?


Huh, another type interaction that hadn't happened yet.


Jellyton is Judas's second mon. I managed to KO his initial Manispear with Meredith's opening volley. His assistant's Blossomaw followed shortly thereafter, and as usual I'm skipping the second half of the fight entirely.


The reward for finally finishing "Take Me On", a quest I've had since the tutorial ended, is 8000 exp. Which... is not a ton at this point.

[nosimpleway]

Part 16: Fighting the Fear of Fear


Captain Penny Dreadful: ...I'm telling you boss, something's shifted on the astral plane lately. All the ghosts are talking about it. They're some brobdingnagian players back on the board, they're sayin'!
Leader Ianthe: "All the ghosts"...?
Captain Penny Dreadful: Of course! There's all sorts of spirits, shades, and tulpas hanging out on the astral plane. Where do you think I get my best intel from?
Leader Ianthe: I'll take your word for it!


Those "brobdingnagian players" are the focus of the episode today! I put Kayleigh back in the party, give myself another impromptu makeover, and head out to take on the movers and shakers on the astral plane. (So like last time, just cue up Same Old Story for the entire update, it's easier that way.)


First stop, Icelington Station. The bars nominally blocking the way to platform B are open, presumably the challenge is making it all the way to the top of Mt. Wirral to get here in the first place.




TRUTH... LIES... YOUR FLEDGLING KIND CARE SO MUCH ABOUT SUCH TRIVIAL CONCEPTS. REALITY IS NOT TRUE! EMBRACE IGNORANCE!

Kayleigh: This thing certainly needs a reality check.

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. LET ME AWAKEN YOU FROM YOUR FALSE PERCEPTIONS OF TRUTH AND LIES!







Other Archangels use their second move in a round to use status effects or steal AP or whatever. Babelith very nearly always spends its second move on Bad Joke.


Bad Joke has all the terrifying power of a Magikarp Splash. It never accomplishes anything.


This is perhaps because Babelith usually uses something with a status effect kicker as the other move it gets every round. It likes Wonderful 7, and its unique False Illumination adds Confuse.

[nosimpleway]

If I had to endure these, then so do you.


I brought Kayleigh along because Decibelle doesn't have a gimmick, or a build specced out to take advantage of anything in particular. For the last Archangel fights I could have painted over them into glass and Resonated them with Fungogh, or kept Cat-5 around to Random Starter away most of their hit points before the first round. Nope, I'm gonna fight 'em fair and square, the way god and devs intended.
This is to say that Babelith has no trouble whatsoever holding off the five turns necessary to build up the AP for its Angelic Attack, True Illumination.


A brobdingnagian but survivable hit, and it removes Confusion status.


Babelith does not have very many jokes saved up. It tells this one three times in a row.




Thing about not using exploits is that battles tend to take a while! Babelith does not have any recovery moves apart from the standard Neutralise, but it's the only Archangel yet to get to use its Angelic Move twice.


Sheesh, took long enough.


Hold that thought, Morgante, I'm not posting the entire song every time this update, on account of how many times it would repeat all at once.


Aleph: HEY, BUDDY! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE LOSING A FIGHT HERE. WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME?


Aleph: DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND THIS PLACE, HUMAN? DO YOU EVEN FEEL THESE TUNNELS BREATHING?

Yeah but I'd always chalked the taste of metal and the feeling of brain static up to the Archangel that was coming in, not the Mer-Line itself. Guess there's no reason to make that kind of assumption, huh?


Kayleigh: We won the fight, but Aleph was there to warp out the Archangel again... Anyway, how is your magic song? Has it given you another lead?

Yeah, but again, we'll go over the whole thing a few Archangels from now.

[nosimpleway]

Cherry Cross station, in Cherry Meadow, also has a door that opens automatically. But it's tiny! How am I ever going to fit through there?


Perhaps the clue is through the one other passage available.


It's an elevator, headed down. Then down very rapidly. Then in basically a free-fall.


By about halfway down it's in actual free-fall, because it broke.


It's kind of annoying that the protagonist always lands facefirst after a brobdingnagian drop, while their partner gently glides down on moth wings afterward. It doesn't happen often, but it happens often enough to be a pattern.


A pile of leaves to land on, a locked... cabinet, I guess? A giant rock, and a table with a dish, a bottle and a note.
Note: "To my esteemed guests, please enjoy this food I've prepared for you. I'll be arriving to greet you shortly, so don't go anywhere, hehe! - Alice <3"
Prompt: "Drink from the bottle labeled 'Drink Me'?


become smol

Prompt: "Eat from the dish labeled 'Eat Me'?"


become lorj

brobdingnagier me is brobdingnagian enough to lift the boulder in the corner, revealing a tiny door. So shrink back down, and head on through.


Some kind of platforming section on the back wall, a bar with a Springheel behind it, and another table with a dish, a bottle, and a note.

Note: "I said not to go anywhere! Honestly, where are your manners? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves! The hatter won't appreciate his tea party being interrupted, so stay put, I say! - Alice <3<3"


Hmm. A monster in a top hat, a rabbit monster, and a mouse monster. There must be a motif here, if I could just figure it out...
Anyway, they're level 30, this is not a problem.

[nosimpleway]

There's a platforming puzzle that demands I be regular sized to move the crate, then shrink down to climb up the shelves on the wall.


A lever on the topmost shelf opens the grate on the wall and activates the platform as an elevator.


I'm still tiny, so the treasure box in this little room seems gigantic by comparison.

Note on the treasure box: "I'm saving this for later - it's to be a surprise for you! A courteous guest will leave it alone. Use your head, don't lose it! - Alice <3<3<3

I pop the box open anyway.


A queen in red, then. Defeating both grants me a Glitter Resistance sticker, some currency, and a White Rabbit Key. Curiouser and curiouser!




Opening the locked cabinet with my new key, I find a switch that... reveals another switch. It's tiny, though, so I also need to be tiny to flip it.


This... flips it. Flips everything, reverses gravity. This launches me back up the elevator shaft, still tiny.


So everything worked out okay!


There's no indication of ever growing back to normal size, but unless the Mer-Line shrinks down to go down tiny tracks for this one station it's safe to assume that happened.

[nosimpleway]

Kayleigh: You've got a pretty brobdingnagian ego, huh?

SUCH RUDENESS, TOWARDS A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY NO LESS! IF YOU REFUSE TO USE YOUR HEADS, I'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE THEM FROM YOUR SHOULDERS!




ew, you had to go and make it weird. We haven't even fused!


wow, rude


Nah actually Alice's second move each round is alternates between Eat Me and Drink Me. Eat Me makes her grow huge and increases attack and defense stats. Drink Me makes her tiny and debuffs her attack and defense, but boosts her Evasion.


I'm still not using any instant-win builds, so the fight is on. Decibelle reapplies Unicast to try to tank Alice's ability to land a hit, Ramtasm tends to just Smack and save up AP for Last Rites. When Alice shrinks, I'm limited to Galacic Beatdown, or taking the turn to heal up or drink coffee. Alice uses Toy Hammer and Mountain Smash when she's brobdingnagian and Guzzle Fuel or Sticky Tongue when she's small. Her Angelic Move, High & Mighty, is just a brobdingnagian ol' hit that would normally be against the whole party, but y'know, Unicast.


I don't take any chances trying to hit Alice's Evasion-boosted small form. This means I'm hitting her when her defense is highest, but it's that or lose ten AP on a whiffed Last Rites or Headshot.


I thought Archangels were level-adjusted to match wherever I am, but I had a thirty-level edge on Alice. It was time-consuming but not difficult.

Hang on Morgante, one more.


Aleph, just offscreen so that shot of Alice doesn't have to be scaled down: MISS ALICE, PLEASURE TO MEET YOU! I NEED SOMEONE WITH YOUR... PEOPLE SKILLS.


I guess Aleph misunderstood her constant use of "Eat Me", too. Hard to believe she fits into his face-portal at all, really.

Aleph: YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD SHOW ME A BIT MORE RESPECT. YOUR WORLD HAS LEGENDS BASED ON ME! YOU'RE LUCKY I'M SO HUMBLE.


Kayleigh: Aleph said that our worlds have "legends" based on him. Could that be true, snalligator?

Come on, Kayleigh, he told us he's been called the names of two mythological characters when we first met him.

[nosimpleway]

Well, moving on. Waterloop Station is so named because there's a canal that runs through it, that wraps around the edges of the map so that once it's unblocked it circles back onto itself.


First, head up to the roof of the area behind us in the previous screenshot, into a room gives a color-pattern hint...


...for the Magikrab statue puzzle at the entrance. This is a great example of why I don't do video LPs all that often, this took an embarrassingly long time to get lined up. Including this screenshot of, uh, the wrong solution. Eventually I get it right, lowering a barrier in the canal.


This clears the water that had flooded over these three chests. The sign introduces a two-lies-and-a-truth puzzle. Opening the right chest (which is in fact the rightmost chest) grants a key for the lock nearby, which opens another barrier in the canal.


From there it's just flipping switches to unblock the flow through the rest of the canal.


This allows the water to flow down onto the waterwheel to open the gate to platform B, and complete the titular waterloop. Yes, not only does the water go in a circle, it goes down a waterfall in the process. It's a magic subway station, don't worry about it.




The Archangel is a cube with different colors on its faces, where the sides move around, collapsing and sliding through one another constantly.
The line is "ALL THINGS HAVE 4 SIDES" but hey, Archangels put that grainy VHS filter over everything, including their own dialog.

Kayleigh: This Archangel seems a bit eccentric, but maybe it's a friendly one!

NO. I SEE INCONSISTENCY WITHIN YOU. YOU ARE IMPERFECT BEINGS. LET ME RIGHT ALL YOUR WRONG ANGLES!




Makes sense. I suspect two-dimensional planes would make for a sharp edge.


I'm not using Random Starter or Glass Coating to instantly win, but after the lengthy fight with Alice I'm a little tired of long fights. Ramtasm and Decibelle both spend a turn drinking a coffee, then bringing out their brobdingnagiest moves, dropping Heckahedron to nearly half its HP right off.
Heckahedron sets up Sharp Edges to do contact damage, but oddly it has only Brick Blast and Damage Roll -- ranged attacks that don't make contact and get the bonus damage from Sharp Edges. Weird.


To counter Sharp Edges I swap out for Triphinx, and Wonderful 7 saves the day by putting Heckahedron to sleep when it tries to use its Angelic Attack.


And since it's asleep, I'm free to smack it around until it's out of HP.

[nosimpleway]

All right. Lay it on me.

[nosimpleway]

Aleph: WHAT GOOD TIMING! I WAS JUST THINKING HOW I NEEDED TO RECRUIT SOMEONE WHO'S GOOD WITH NUMBERS. HOW'D YOU LIKE A JOB, MY NEW CUBOID FRIEND?


Aleph sure has swallowed a bunch of Archangels now. I wonder how that's going to come back to bite me in the ass later.

Aleph: WE GOTTA STOP MEETING LIKE THIS!

There's only one station left, so we're gonna soon.


Kayleigh: Do you think every fight we win with an Archangel is just a recruiting opportunity for Aleph? I wonder...
Still no luck with the clues your Archangel song has been giving you? From what you've told me, it sounds like you have both a place and a ritual. If you do the right action in the right place, that might be the key!


Yeah, but I got one more thing to do first. There's one more Archangel than there are lines in Morgante's song, and it's not like the last two lines really say anything. But then, there are a finite number of locations in the world for the entrance to the last dungeon to be, and a finite number of things to be done there. It's possible to bruteforce it, if a player knows what and where those options are.


Kayleigh: I'm gonna try really hard to ignore that our names are on these gravestones, OK?

Grave: Here lies Snalligator. Died this year AD, age unknown. Rest In Peace.
Grave: Here lies Kayleigh, 1983 - ???? Followed a fool to her doom, not even for the first time. R.I.P.

Harsh. If I'd brought someone else with me, the grave would read:

Eugene, Protector of Harbourtown
2076 - NaN AD
All talk and no action.

Meredeith
1967 - XXXX AD
Should have stayed in bed that morning.

Felix
Rest in peace knowing that your friends have carried out your final wishes and destroyed your most embarrassing drawings. They only giggled a little bit.
1991 - Now

Here sleepeth Viola
Born 1575. Died whenever today is.
Sorely missed by her Brother.

Here lies a Very Good Boy.
He would be happy knowing that in death he has finally become that which he loved most: bones.
Born 14140 AD. Died whatever this year is in dog years.

14140 is 2020 times 7, assuming the old saw where one human year is seven dog years.


...Against a Jellyton and a Queenyx, both only level 43? Uh, sure.




Which is to say: I'm in the Lost Woods. There are four doors in each room of this labyrinth. One is correct and leads through the dungeon. The other three send me back to the start, the room with the graves in.
From the grave room, go north to fight the Jellyton, for your lives!
Go north again for a room with a treasure cache, and A REWARD FOR YOUR EFFORTS. Take a step in and the Archangel has CHANGED its MIND, forcing another Jellyton fight.


The next room includes a fifth option, jumping down the pit. This is the correct path.
Upon landing, fight the Landkeeper there, musing on the value of land needed to bury the dead when people keep dying. I guess all Archangels can make their own vessels, and they all choose Landkeepers? It's a weird decision to include one here. He transforms into a Kingrave, calls up a Jellyton buddy, and attacks.


Left from the Landkeeper is the gate to Platform B, but I don't have a ticket for the machine to open it yet.

[nosimpleway]

Right from the gate is a red herring -- don't jump into this pit, turn around and go back the way you came in.






ho ho, you're such a scamp, unseen Archangel.


Right again to reach a room with a petrified Queenyx. It comes to life and attacks, because of course it does. And it's a chump to beat, because I have at least a 30 level advantage on everything here.


The Queenyx drops the for-realsies Aldgrave Station ticket. All of the doors here are "wrong", so it's back to the start, then up, up, down, down (the pit), left.


That's the gate to Platform B, so I don't need to go right-left-right from there.






YOU MEAT THINGS DREAM OF DEATH SO MUCH. YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SHORT LIVES DREAMING OF IT. IS THAT WHAT BRINGS YOU TO ME?

Kayleigh: Is it asking if we came here to die?

Naw mate, I got here yesterdie.

Kayleigh: I don't think we did, to be honest with you.


And then... and then...!

It happened again.

All the screenshots since the fight with Heckahedron had been my entire desktop, so I had to crop out all the other extraneous background stuff. And here is where my screenshots lost focus entirely, though for a fresh twist on an old idea it decided to screencapture a calculator instead of Discord. I don't have any shots of the fight with Lamento Mori.

But that's okay, because despite being the last Archangel hiding out in a station that I'm fighting, it was the first boss added to the game, early in development, and apparently not tweaked much from there. Its primary move is either Bone Cannon or Life Absorb, and its second move is chosen from Beast Wall, Ritual, or Trick. Beast Wall protects it from damage, yeah, and Ritual lets it auto-revive once when its HP hit zero, and Life Absorb is kind of annoying to deal with... but none of it is insurmountable as a boss gimmick. Even the devs on Twitter just kind of shrug when anyone points out that Lamento Mori is kind of a chump compared to all the other Archangels' tactics and gimmicks.

Ah well. I apply an adequate amount of Bone Hurting Juice to humanity's collective fear of dying, and Morgante does her whole song again. Back at the cafe, Kayleigh basically goes "Jesus have you seriously not figured it out yet, fuck, dude, it's right here" and marks the map with the location of the entrance to the last dungeon.


But I have known for the entirety of this episode at least, where to go and how to get there. Pick up a stone, carry it into one of the ruined houses in New London, and put it down. A mirror like the one in the Amber Lodge appears, and inside...


...is Night's Bridge station. Endgame.